Wanted - Middle-aged mothers to be employed as spies by MI5

I've always thought women are much sneakierbetter than men at covering their tracks..
I wonder what sort of 'assignments' I'd be fit for nowadays though

If they think I am going to want to be a spy, they can think again!

I did a whole load of sleuthing when I had a (well-founded) sneaking suspicion that Ex was having an affair. The awful thing was - I found I really enjoyed spying on him! I even got a babysitter in on some of the nights he said he wouldn't be home until late just so that I could follow him. Checked his browser history, checked his amazon purchases on a whim one day and found something that he most definitely hadn't bought for me. To name just a few. So had plenty of time to sort out my own affairs and leave. I also got a few friends to keep an eye out for his car, as it had once been mentioned as having been seen in a pub carpark in a rather odd area. By the time I left, he was the only person in my circle of friends who didn't know that I knew. And all that time I carried on smiling sweetly and ironing his shirts.

With which I had a big bonfire the day I left.

I always did hate ironing.

Revenge is sweet!

I think you should get on to MI5 right away janer - you seem just the right sort of resourceful person they need!

I would be no good at all, I always seem to be 'out of the loop'

janer I love your post

Who are these middle-aged mothers supposed to be spying on, where and why? Perhaps MPs ought to have some kind of basic intelligence [sic] test before they are allowed to take office.

The only thing I could think of was dinner parties, otherwise it would have to be at work - or have affairs! I have heard many an indiscretion at dinner parties. Men can be pretty boastful. Women might boast about little Georgiana being the youngest in her ballet class to have grade three, but they are more likely to gossip about human relationships than having managed to bribe someone to smuggle them into an arms factory. Which is something I heard an uncle do many years ago, it was in South Africa and he was working for Caterpillar. What arms have to do with Caterpillar I never did like to ask, at the time. Now I wouldn't hesitate.

You are intriguing janerowena!

I am wondering if by spy, they mean they want women to "listen in" to emails and texts and the like. Social media "spying".

How do middle-aged mothers listen into e-mails and texts that are not addressed to them?

Why can't they recruit spies from Gransnet? Most of us have the experience but no young children to worry about. I did read, though, that child minding would be provided for these newly recruited spies. (It's not April 1st by any chance, is it?)

DD goes on Mumsnet from time to time and from what she tells me it sounds as if most of them shouldn't be allowed out on their own - never mind spying!

Where do I sign?

I'm dying to be a spy.

It did enter my mind many years ago, but then I thought I might have to sleep with someone with BO just to find out where someone would be at 8pm the following night. (Or halitosis.
Or smelly feet.)

If I could only have my sense of smell removed, I think I could cope. But then, how would I be able to sniff out a potential cyanide capsule? Or a potential assassin's cigarette smoke wafting around a corner in a dark alley as they waited to strangle me?

Am I confused or is there another thread or have some posts gone missing?
Perhaps we've been hijacked or are about to be secretly recruited?

They wouldn't have me in the diplomatic corps because I had a foreign parent in spite of my facility with languages. He was Dutch – when were we last at war with the Netherlands? I am pretty sure that they wouldn't have had me as a spy – not that I wanted to be one then or now.

When DS was working for high level defence all 3 generations were vetted, not sure whether to be glad or disappointed that zilch came to light!

loopy there is another thread!

Thanks janer, thought my marbles had skedaddled