Etiquette change?

A friend of mine was serving Sunday lunches in a restaurant some years ago when a woman called her over to complain that her plate hadn't been removed. My friend explained that she hadn't realised the plate was finished with because the woman hadn't put her knife and fork together in the middle of her plate. She said the woman stared at her in blank amazement and said " Well I've never heard of that before!"

Ah, I thought that you were really shocked! you were too convincing it seems Ana.
I have not come across anyone putting their cutlery across the table as the OP says, but as long as they are not throwing food about, am fairly relaxed about table manners.I may even put my elbows on the table if I feel like it.

I know, roses. My shock-horror was tongue in cheek!

Ana, this is a Spike Milligan poem(if you can call it that) about eating peas with honey,my children used to chant it at mealtimes whenever peas were on the menu!Maybe Spike did eat his with a knife, who knows?
I have sometimes thought if we could see ourselves eating it may not be a pleasant sight.

Hmmm... if eating Irish Stew..... knife and fork, only fork, spoon ??

I remember my Dad talking about when, during the war, he was sent on a special weekend course where basically it was just to check he had the correct manners to be an officer. He passed of course. No holding knives like pens for us!

I had table manners/etiquette drummed into me from a very early age, and my children were expected to eat accordingly.

Thankfully DGS is being brought up similarly-the fad for child-led weaning where they use their hands and are not taught to use a spoon or fork, isn't helping. I've seen 3 and 4 year olds in a restaurant stuffing scoffing food, and, quite honestly, it's very off-putting.

Nurseries and pre-schools are having difficulties when children haven't learnt how to use a knife, fork or spoon.
Sorry, I'm probably very old-fashioned.....

Using a fork like a shovel also entails sticking out the elbow as the food is scooped into the mouth, possibly into a neighbouring ear (the elbow, not the food).

I hate it when people use their forks like a shovel, shovelling the food up on the upturned fork and shovelling it into their mouths.

I see so many people holding their knives like a pencil that I was beginning to wonder if I was wrong to be holding mine like a .....knife.
Glad to know I'm not! Although I think it is better than the lone fork option.

I'm not a manners freak but I expect people to use a knife and fork. I hate to see someone stab a sausage with their fork and proceed to bite chunks off it.

Our children have had to learn two sets of table rules. One is our expectation that they will cut a bite size piece using the knife and fork and place it into their mouths using the fork. The mouth should then be kept closed whilst the food is chewed and swallowed. You should never speak with your mouth full.

The other is their mother's expectation...if I can call it that. You eat in any way you choose. You can stab your food and bite chunks off it or you can cut your food up, put your dirty knife on the table and eat with your fork in your right hand or you can forget the cutlery and simply eat with your fingers. Mouths do not have to be kept closed when full and talking is permissible. These 'rules' apply to all foods.

One day our son forgot where he was and scooped a handful of peas into a Yorkshire pudding, folded it up and stuffed it into his mouth. Needless to say it didn't all fit in and we were treated to a horrible site as he chewed and dribbled his food. He couldn't understand why we were unhappy as his mother never said anything so we got him to do it again in front of a mirror. He's never done it again....at least not when he's been eating with us

Knife???

I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas tastes funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.

We got wrapped on the knuckles at school dinners if we held our fork like a pencil!!!!!And as for putting peas on an upturned fork . Mon dieu!!!! But thinking about it....it is so much easier to put peas on an upturned fork than to "fork" them so why don't we. It is still regarded as bad manners. Where does common sense come into it?

I've notice so many people now eat with just the fork in their right hand and not just youngsters. Very sloppy in my opinion.

I think etiquette is different from good table manners.

I was brought to task some while ago about an apparent lack of etiquette whilst sitting at a table of 8, not that I cared. I consider that to be extremely bad manners.

And so many people hold their knives like a pencil, and wave their forks around like a lollipop!
It must have been firmly drilled into me at an early age not to do this, because I still don't like to see it, though I accept that there is no earthly reason why you shouldn't hold your knife any way you like.

I hate bad table manners which is no surprise considering my mother is Mrs Bucke. But, I think I'm a dinosaur!

Ours were brought up to have good table manners too. When they were little we had compliments on their behaviour when eating in public.
Move on 20 yrs and DD eats with just her fork having cut up the food and layed her knife down. A horrible American habit I believe

The bigger question perhaps is what matters these days?

Our children were brought up knowing what 'good manners' were and how to behave in most circumstances. That has given them the self confidence to mix in any environment. One girlfriend who was leaving uni and going to work at a very prestigious company was so concerned about eating in public that she asked DS to teach her. Perhaps a set of 'rules' is a good thing so that people are confident in their behaviour?

I'm sure I'd manage to get food/sauce on the handles of my cutlery if I tried lay it over the food on my plate. I don't ever remember being told differently, maybe because I was dragged up.....

Not have your cutlery hanging off your plate. It should all be rested on the plate at an angle. No worries about staff whisking away plates at our house!

But what should you do if you are mid-meal, don't want the waiter to whisk your plate away, but need to blow your nose, wipe your mouth or even take a sip of wine?

Mid meal.

Be rested on the plate not half draped on to the table