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My heart is breaking for my little gd

(25 Posts)
Katek Sat 28-Mar-15 20:35:49

As some of you may be aware my SIL died very unexpectedly 2 years ago following a PE after routine surgery, leaving my daughter and 6 year old dgd. DGD is now 8 and is staying with us tonight so mummy can go to her school reunion.

It's been hard for her to leave her mum and stay with us or her aunt/uncle since she lost her dad. She's so worried that something will happen to her mum if she's not there, it's magical thinking but she thinks her presence will keep mum safe. We've had a really deep conversation about her fears tonight which is a big step forward. She couldn't vocalise them before. I'm just so afraid I don't tread carefully enough.

Poor little girl has a cold as well which hasn't helped, and I've just sat for half an hour with her little tear stained face looking at me while I try to make things right for her this time. She's much better than she used to be, but when she has evenings like this I just so much wish I could fix things for her.

Penstemmon Sat 28-Mar-15 20:44:07

Oh heartfelt good wishes to you an your DGD. flowers A difficult and sad situation for all the family. I suppose she has had bereavement counselling? If not I believe there are several charities and organisations that could help he overcome this understandable anxiety.

granjura Sat 28-Mar-15 20:45:00

I can't even begin to imagine the pain - stay strong and love her all you can ((((hugs))))

soontobe Sat 28-Mar-15 20:45:08

It sounds like you have done a good job to me.
The situation sounds very hard on all of you. flowers

annsixty Sat 28-Mar-15 20:46:29

So sorry for the situation you find yourself and your family in Katek I myself lost my father when I was 11 and although I was older than your GD it does impact on your life. I didn't have a family to fall back on as your GD has so she is blessed to have you and I am sure you do your very best to support and treasure both her and your DD. All good wishes to you all. You can't "fix it" you can can just be there for them.

merlotgran Sat 28-Mar-15 20:49:42

Poor little thing. Lots and lots of love is the best thing for her. I'm sure you are giving her plenty of that. smile

annodomini Sat 28-Mar-15 20:50:16

Poor wee girl. Your love and cuddles will give her much-needed security and when her mum comes back safe and sound, she will begin to realise that she doesn't need to guard mummy all the time. You're doing exactly the right thing.

Gracesgran Sat 28-Mar-15 20:55:43

What a brilliant job you are doing Katek, helping your DGD to learn to trust life again and what a responsibility it must feel. I doubt that you can get it wrong. She just needs your love and she is getting that in buckets full. It must seem like small steps but I am sure that, with the obvious love that is surrounding her, she will get there. flowers

newist Sat 28-Mar-15 20:55:51

OH Katek that is so very moving, I really do feel for you, even though this is all heartbreaking and sad I do know that she is very fortunate to have so much love from you when she needs it flowers

Mishap Sat 28-Mar-15 21:13:01

You are fixing things for her - no magic wands, but just lots of love.

Nelliemoser Sat 28-Mar-15 21:47:20

Katek that is very sad. Have you heard of "Winstons Wish" charity for bereaved children. They might help you and her mum to support her.

It was the first thing that came to my mind.

((((hugs)))) to your family with this.

Katek Sat 28-Mar-15 22:13:00

Thanks for all the supportive and kind posts. It does help to get things off my chest. We're not sunk in doom and gloom all the time and have lots of good fun as well-it's just when she's like this it brings home-yet again-the enormity of what has happened in her short life. Her Nannie (dad's mum) died just a month ago as well from cancer and I'm sure that isn't helping at the moment - although they weren't close.

She and dd attend a childhood bereavement group which organises all sorts of activities and has volunteer mph on board including child psychologists.

Katek Sat 28-Mar-15 22:14:28

MHP not mph! Predictive text !

harrigran Sat 28-Mar-15 22:33:50

Sounds as if you are doing all the right things and being very supportive.
I have my little GD here tonight and she is not settling, complaining of tummy pains, so I know how you worry flowers

Anya Sat 28-Mar-15 22:34:36

Just keep on doing what you are doing for you GD and your DD.


rosequartz Sat 28-Mar-15 23:44:20

It is so good that she has you to support her and help her with her anxieties. She was old enough when her DF died to realise and to feel anxiety if she is away from her mummy and to feel it more when she is unwell. I do hope she is able to overcome it with help.


Marelli Sun 29-Mar-15 08:34:44

Have just read your post, Katek. How good it is that your wee DGD has been able to open up to you like this. It's maybe the first time she's been able to really speak about her fears and feelings, because she may feel it would upset her mum too much if she spoke to her about it? She'll know now that you'll be there for her, and will understand. flowers for you. xx

Jane10 Sun 29-Mar-15 09:32:00

Just having these safe secure loving times with you must be incredible good for her. Its so good she's got you. All good wishes to you all.

Jane10 Sun 29-Mar-15 09:32:37


etheltbags1 Sun 29-Mar-15 09:52:10

my DD went through similar when my DH died suddenly from heart attack when she was 5. My sympathies to anyone affected by this flowers

Nelliemoser Sun 29-Mar-15 10:27:58

This is nothing as dire as the loss of a parent but young children really get affected by even small changes etc in ways that it is hard to realise.

My DD had some decorating done to change around two bedrooms for the forthcoming new baby. They went to stay at Mils around the corner for a week as all the furniture ended up in the main bedroom and it was not safe for a toddler. DGS is very familiar with her house but kept wanting to go back home.

He moved into his new room but was unsettled at nights.
Then Sil went to USA with work for a week and one morning DGS had thrown all his toys and books about his room which was very unsual for him.

DD & DGS then came to us for two nights. He was very excited about the idea, but in the end it proved a bit too much and he would have been better staying at home. On the last day I was playing with Dgs and he seemed to get very angry and upset and throwing his toys about. I tried talking to him and he started crying. He is normally a very happy little chap. I am sure now all the changes had just been too much in one go.

I caught up with DD yesterday who said he has been good, but he has been very clingy to his Daddy since he returned. He was told Daddy was in America and could repeat that, but that concept is way to much for a 2.5 yr old to fully comprehend, they do not have the sense of time needed to cope with too much disruption.

I remember something similar with DD after we went on holiday when she was 10 months. She was unsettled when we were away but as soon as we were home she sat in her high chair looking around the kitchen and giggling happily. I am sure she was just very relieved to be back somewhere familiar.

KatyK Sun 29-Mar-15 11:19:43

Oh Katek how sad flowers

kittylester Sun 29-Mar-15 11:45:11

It isn't much comfort, I know, but it is such a blessing that she has you in her life. flowers

glammanana Sun 29-Mar-15 12:23:57

Oh Katek brings tears to my eye's your little girl will lock these special talks with you away and remember her special times with her

Katek Sun 29-Mar-15 21:09:57

Well, our sleepover is past and DGD went home feeling very pleased with herself, she had slept all night without waking! We had an hours's chat and laughter all cuddled up in the big bed then DH made breakfast in bed for the girls!

A happier morning all round.