Any tips for coping with getting older?

Tegan You have had a phone call from your son to see them at the pub, and emailing you a new photo, so you know that he still wants your company. Instead of putting DD on the spot asking where you fit in her life, the indirect approach is to mention next time you see/speak to her how much you enjoyed that pub visit, and how about her meeting you for a pub lunch some time? Suggest a date there and then. Between then and the pub lunch, stack up some experiences to tell her about over the meal.

Falconbird you are an inspiration! Sounds like more than surviving to me - you are rebuilding your life and providing your children and grandchildren with an excellent role model.
There's no point in worrying about advancing old age - I have lost 2 friends so far this year, one a lot younger, the other just 3 years older (I'm 64) and I have been compelled to buck up and be grateful for every day. I've tried to stop worrying and do more yoga!
One day my daughter will be as old as I am now (I fervently hope) and inevitably she will think of me - so what do I want her to remember? Love and fun and laughter and strength under pressure. I have already lived 4 years longer than my own mother - why not enjoy this as much as I can? We spend our lives wanting to be proud of our children - I hope my children are proud of me one day.
Enough guff! Must clear the dishes........

thks cazthebookworm - you've done EVER so well. I had to move about five miles away from my home but I did know a few people because I worked in the area for twenty years.

As you say it's very rewarding to go out and have a few people say hello or smile and nod.

I love your quote life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it.

Well said Falconbird particulary,"keeping busy is a solution." I heard a quote once roughly saying, "life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it," which I believe is true.
I have been on my own for 8 or 9 years, left a husband in Spain 6 years ago and have no idea where he is now. My two sons from a first marriage live abroad, so I rarely see them and obviously they cannot offer any support. I moved here 6 years ago having only one friend in the area but now I am happy to say, I cannot walk down the high street without meeting two or three of my new friends. This is because, like you, I joined as many activities as I felt able to participate in, and I haven't looked back.
Of course, I am concerned about what will happen as I get older and possibly infirm, but it doesn't do to dwell on that, the worse thing is to sit moping and feeling sorry for yourself. I volunteer in a charity shop as one of my activities and enjoy nothing better than the interaction that brings with the lovely customers. Lots of other things too, including online courses which provide an ongoing challenge which I think is important, the garden, keep fit, walking group, they all bring their rewards.
So there is hope in old age if you make the effort, it is up to, you, no one will do it for you, and very proud you will be in your independence and achievements.
Blimey, this is the longest post I have ever written, I will get off my soap box now.

We had the whole growing older thing sussed out. We had made an agreement that we would help us each other as we grew older. We went on short holidays in the UK went on bus trips, were grandparents together and were quietly happy - and then my DH fell ill and died within the space of little more than two months.

I had to pick myself up and start all over again at 65. I'm 68 now and still struggle every day. I do feel cheated and also worried about advancing old age.

Keeping busy is a solution. I've joined the TWG, the local Mothers' Union and a knit and natter group . I've also recently volunteered with the RVS and waiting to hear if there's anything I can do to help in the community. Other widows who have survived illness alone are an inspiration to me.

My attitude to life now is basically wtf happened. Acceptance of growing old and being alone sounds grim but it's better than being bitter which I have seen happen to other widows and widowers. I don't like my new life much but it is a life and I am surviving.

I keep interested in fashion and current affairs and help out with babysitting, buy little treats for myself and try to eat well and walk every day. Grans net has been a real help and has kept my going through many dark days, also Fb and buying myself and fixing up a tablet. My sons were impressed.

Tegan Do you have a dog? If not, could you not find some dog walking locally (if you don't want to own one). I find that I cannot fail to chat to people when out with my gorgeous doggie from young children to the older generation, everyone stops for a chat and a cuddle ( they chat to me and cuddle the dog, although I am up for cuddles too! ).

I do only get her out however when I am feeling able to. I am only 50 but due to health problems, struggle at times to even get to the kitchen (and the government want me to work!) I have only managed today to plant 16 sweet pea plants before having to give up. It is so infuriating and if I could work, I would be there like a shot out of a gun. To have to have enforced rest is mind numbingly boring. But it has to be done.

I need to go out and find new friends but to do so while depressed and feeling socially awkward most of the time is really difficult. I do feel older than my years, because of how I am. I need some jump leads and a 25 year old to attach them to!

Tegan I agree that it can be harder to make friends when older, especially if afraid of appearing needy.

I remember years ago, an older lady saying to me that she always walked to the local shop every day. It meant she crossed paths with others, said hello, sometimes had a short chat and sometimes not.

I'd be reluctant to ask anyone how I fitted into their lives but that's because I wouldn't want to appear needy. However a little reassurance from some source or by way of a kind action, is always welcome

I've read it Coolgran! I'm sort of tempted [won't do it though] to ask my DD where I actually fit into their lives these days ie am I just regarded as a potential problem in a few years time or do they still sort of like me being around? I'm also tempted to arrange to go away next Christmas so as to avoid the embarrassment of having nowhere family wise to go to but can't bear the thought of putting the dog into kennels . What is missing from our life is having any sort of social life, and it's difficult to make friends as you get older.

Does starting to feel that you'd like a bungalow count and one of the symptoms of feeling older?

One has come up for sale 3 doors from ourselves but dh is so settled and would be hard to convince. I think the thought of clearing out the garage has a lot to do with it....

DSS yesterday was talking about this said bungalow... I mentioned I liked it and had thought about it but hadn't got around to mentioning it, and that his dad would feel we are perfectly ok as we are. DH was not in the room at the time.

When DH appeared
DSS said, hey dad.. what about that bad knee of yours, don't you fancy that bungalow.
DH..... ahh.. we're all right where we are.
DSS.... Yeah but if you don't get that knee sorted out I'm thinking you won't have much of a view from your bed when it's in the dining room. (DH is only 61).
DH... very funny !
DDIL... I'm more concerned about the bucket that will be in the corner for toilet purposes (their sense of humour)
DH.... you're all so funny.
DSS... We could always put shower curtains in the porch and make it into a wet room for you.
DH.... we can't afford to spend the extra money for a bungalow.
DSS.... We've told you before, spend your money, move now while you're fit to enjoy it.

Now this banter told me a lot, DSS cares about us, he wants us to be physically comfortable. He is not waiting on us popping our clogs so he can get a windfall. It showed me that DDIL was also supportive, being jokey but helping to make a point that we should think of the future. Being jokey about us befoming infirm while we could take the joke, rather than trying to deal with it when we are possibly infirm and don't think it's funny.

Not that we do think anything about infirmity is funny at any time, but it was DSS's way of saying we should think about things, and also he was supporting me (his stepmother) which was nice. He's a good lad. He is very good at bringing up my rear and giving his dad a push where necessary, before I have a need to 'nag'.

We have 4 boys between us and I count my blessings that we have a good relationship with each of them.
I dread the time when we are dependent, we are also 'copers''.

I think we ourselves have gradually removed ourselves a little and thus are easing ourself into a different family category. No longer going to the New Year's Eve party, or leaving at 11pm. We used to have a 'gathering/party' every Boxing Day, all welcome, family during the day and joined by friends in the evening. Gradually the younger generation are having us and we go home about 8pm.
They ask us to join them on day outings and make the arrangements,

On the one hand I enjoy being taken care of on occasion - on the other hand I know that I am still perfectly able to take care of myself (I'm 66), as is my husband.

Oh dear what a ramble, I got started and forgot to stop.

and for those who made it to the end

That's good, Tegan. Nice to be invited. Hope you had a lovely time.

Lovely, Tegan. Bet that's raised your spirits a bit!

Well, blow me. My son phoned up this afternoon and said he was at a pub down the road and would we like to join them . And he's just emailed me a new photo of the baby.

I have always felt as old as I was at any particular time so find it hard to imagine 'what like' (Dundee speak, at least I heard it first in Dundee) is this age disconnect between mind and body that some feel. I've been trying to decide why I have always felt as old as I am and I think I'm coming to the conclusion that it's because I've always pushed myself right to the edges of my physical abilities (not saying they've been all that great) so I've noticed when there was a change in what I could do right from teenagerdom.

I agree with those who say the best approach is to just get on with it as best one can.

For those who feel a bit down and older than they'd like to feel .

I don't at all mind being the age I am, though. I have one friend who seems to revel in the fact that she's 'an old lady, now' (her words). She's 76 (same as my DH) who doesn't act his age , but I think she feels a bit 'safer' if she's an 'old lady'. It's as if she's been able to give up on certain things, and the because she's the age she is, she feels as if she's allowed to be cosily settled into old age, as it were.
You're quite right, absent. It's ok being 65, though - honestly

If you consider the alternative to getting older, it doesn't seem so bad.

Marelli the copers phrase resonates with me, and I suspect many others.
It must shake the next generation a bit when the 'coping parent(s)' aren't doing so well-I know it did when I think of my parents.
Perhaps there's a bit of denial/ostrich behaviour emerging from some children?

I'm a bit younger than many posters (61) but can empathise especially when children no longer live nearby.

Tegan I'm sorry you're still feeling sad. I tried to post earlier but it didn't work and we've been offline.
I hope some Rod Stewart cheers you up a bit (and anyone else feeling a bit down)
m.youtube.com/watch?v=0_7s7vkIqwo
'I used to walk in the shade
With my blues on parade'

Walk in the sunshine if you can

Tegan, I can understand your sadness . I find myself being a different person to different members of my family. I think my two adult DGD's think I'm a bit dippy (I have a terrible sense of direction), and if I'm helping them out by driving them somewhere, I always tend to go the wrong way. I think it's because I try not to, if you get my meaning . They do 'hear' me when I speak to them, though. My DS and his partner's eyes sometimes glaze over a bit when I talk to them, as if they'd rather be talking to someone more interesting, (and really wouldn't mind too much if I left quite soon!) and that makes me feel a bit 'feeble', I suppose, and that's why I can identify a bit with Tegan. I don't feel like that with my DGD's, however.
My eldest DD (my middle one has estranged herself ), does natter away to me regularly, perhaps a couple of times a week, on the phone.
However...and this is something I've been thinking of more often these days....I don't know how things are going to be for my DH and I as we get older. I'm 65 and he's 76. I honestly don't think we have the sort of relationship with our DC's where they'd step up and help us if we couldn't manage. We've always been 'copers', and have never asked for help with anything.

I can empathize with all of the above.

I think I'll now go for a walk for some exercise while wondering how I shall cope with the 16 hour day on Thursday while working in the local polling station.

Tiredness, weakness and aches are my biggest bugbears, indeed I note with interest the comment upthread about Simvastatin.

Well played Greyduster!
How lovely!

sorry, that was to Greyduster!

There are often times milkflake when my mind's willing but my body says 'No way'

After smashing my foot/ankle three years ago I've had to adapt, not always easy, I just thank my lucky stars that the NHS saved my leg.
Disasters we read about and the awful things other GNs are going through puts it into perspective for me.

DH and I don't see a lot of people (our close friends are dropping like flies) but we do try and get out as much as we can, even if what we do is not particularly exciting, but we seem to be getting into a bit of a rut, and I think that is a recipe for disaster. Being a creature of habit, he is very comfortable in the rut, and I can't stand it. If I'm honest, I seem to veer, these days, between feeling as if I could climb Ben Nevis with a piano on my back and feeling so awful and gloomy that my mortality stares me in the face and I'm planning the music for my funeral! But we can still pull out a few stops and yesterday, when DGS (8) and co came to lunch, in order to preserve my garden from The Football of Mass Destruction, DH, DD and I took him to the playing field. There was a little lad there who was looking longingly at the action so we invited him to join in. After a good deal of running about, he said to me "I've never played football with old people before - you're very good" (well I am!). DD fell about laughing but my grandson piped up "My Nanny's not old!" I could have picked him up and kissed him. I'm 69 and fear my footballing days are numbered! I couldn't get out of bed this morning!

Hi hondagirl I know exactly how your feeling with the exception of being struck with arthrities over 25yrs ago I am now unable to walk very far at all without the aid of sticks,I too feel so much younger than my yrs ,I am however very grateful to our national health for bringing me back after almost losing my life due to a heart valve problem which was the diagnosed 18 mnths Ago ...Since then I have made sure I take life day by day and try not to get stressed or worry about growing old in fact it has made me more determined to go out their and do as much as I possibly can to make Myself happy ,I have a sick Hb now who I take care of as well as myself and not much in between .But I am blessed with lovely freinds n children /grandchildren that I could never leave .....I would hate to have to start making new freinds though I do it all the time on my iPad thru groups ect .I am 67this yr and feel so lucky to be here I'm not going yo worry anymore about growing older not worth it as we can't escape it can only make the best of it . For me my family freinds and pets if any are what makes life worth living ...what comes after that is a bonus ..Just enjoy what you have.xxxx