Any tips for coping with getting older?

Glad I am not alone, my Dear Dad died 3 years ago and up till that point I was still a daughter, now apart from my husband I am the oldest family member at 68.
I wish I could do the things I used to but now I know how my Mum and Dad felt and wish I had been more understanding.
My mind can do things but my body says no, I won't be giving up any time soon though

Our children left home to go to uni and never returned, so we had a long time to get used to it and fill our time with hobbies etc. When we retired we had those hobbies to occupy us (plus a few new ones). A close friend of ours (husband) was petrified of retirement as he had no interests outside work whatsoever, it took him a long while to adjust, they don't have children.

I've been getting older every day of my life and suppose I am not unique in that! So I've got used to it and just take each day as it comes. What option is there, after all?

I think my DCs take me seriously but dynamics shift when GCs arrive, which is inevitable as their focus changes to the GC(s).
I felt more 'redundant' when both children left home than I do now.
I'm here when they want me, a sounding board at other times and when I don't hear from them for a while I send a quick text, just to say 'Hi'.

I don't want, or expect them to, worry about me, and I have a number of interests to keep me occupied-walking, gardening, reading, knitting etc.

But for those GNs struggling I hope things improve quickly and ((hugs))

Teetime -

Totally agree about said book, I didn't finish it either.

It is hard to find oneself a non-person as you get older, especially if you have held down a responsible job all your working life as well as bringing up a family. I think it may be worse for men as at least we women still (hopefully) have a home to run. I expect I'll get accused of being sexist now but I just mean that most of us take responsibility for the day to day running of the home (washing, ironing, tidying etc) even if our DHs do their bit (mine does, so I am lucky).

The worst thing I find is not being taken seriously by one's children although I do wonder if that is just my perception and not necessarily true. They still come to us for advice from time to time, which is nice, and sometimes ask us to babysit, too, although like others above I do find that exhausting until they are out of the toddler stage.

I too have quite moments of panic about getting older, and fear of what is ahead, which is silly and irrational but no less real to me. We have chatted in a casual way about throwing in the towel so to speak, and going to live somewhere else, maybe France as we both speak passable French, but then I have awful thoughts of one of us being left alone, inevitably. I know that life is too short to worry, and i really do envy those people with a more glass half full attitude to life and the future, but that is how I am, I just want to stop the clock now while we are both fit and healthy.

Very well said kittylester, and something I'd do well to heed

As you say, it's inevitable!

My advice is just to ignore aging. We can do nothing to stop it and any aches and pains we might get are not only suffered by older people. Young people suffer from things too. Life is too short to worry about aging and worrying is quite aging in itself

I'm in the same position as Tegan in that I retired at the end of last year and am finding it very hard to motivate myself to get off my backside and 'make an effort' although I know that's what I must do...

I did start yoga classes last week and was mortified at how unfit I've become, at least it's made me determined to exercise more.

Am reading Helen Lederer's novel 'Losing it' at the moment and after a sticky start I'm finding it really funny - such a contrast to Celia Imrie's offering. (She's also a comedic actress, in case you haven't come across her).

I agree Celia Imries bok was drivel - it wouldn't have got a publisher if she hadn't been who she is. I am very vary of celeb books usually but I quite like her acting so I fell for it. Next time I use an electrician I'll ask him what he's like at plumbing.

Two thirds of my family are in Edinburgh, but I can be a fortnight without seeing either of them or hearing from them. I try to store up things to talk about when I see them and if I have nothing interesting to say it does remind me that I had better get off my butt and do something.

I agree Tegan that you need to get out and go places, do things, even if it doesn't seem all that exciting. You won't come across the interesting things unless you go out among all the other stuff.

I have just read her autobiography, The Happy Hooker, which was also quite entertaining, but her novel Not Quite Nice (got it wrong above) was described as shallow by one reviewer and I would agree.

It read like a travelogue of where to go and what to see and eat on the Riviera. The cast were just that, a cast of "characters" waiting for a playwright to write them a plot and dialogue and actors to make them three-dimensional. They were all ex-pats (apparently no-one was living in any of the beautiful villages who had actually been born there - or no-one that the ex-pats ever made friends with or even mentioned anyway) and I could never remember who was who because they were all the same. All the terrible offspring suddenly became loving sons and daughters and after the ludicrous plot twists everyone lived happily ever after. The stuff of pot-boiler matinees or perhaps the Riviera as seen by passing thespians between performances and parties.

Miaooow. Sorry.

I feel for you Tegan, but was just wondering if you were 'less available'what would happen? I guess it could go either way.
Do you have interests other than family focussed ones?

It must be very hard on you and your SO, feeling so isolated.

Because our DCs live 100+ miles away we don't see them that often but we do FaceTime DS, DDIL and DGS and DD is regularly in phone contact or Skype if abroad.

I fear there's no easy answer.

and ((hugs))

Elegran I haven't read Celia Imrie's book, but she was on the QM2 when we went to New York 2 years ago. She gave a talk about making the film of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. It was fairly entertaining, but she finished up by saying she had loved the colours in India, but the country had smelled absolutely disgusting.
It was quite unnecessary, there was a frisson of disapproval through the audience and I've loathed her for that ever since.
hondagirl I agree with the others. I recognise your fears & perceptions and felt the same when I first retired 3 years ago. What has worked for me is exercise - Zumba, tennis, walking and gardening. I really believe that the more you do, the more you can do.
Good luck and Carpe Diem

That's what I usually do Elegran; in fact last time I babysat I was there till two in the morning chatting. It's just that recently I've felt more and more marginalised with regards to their friends. It's the frst time ever that I've felt this way. I put my coat on as I didn't feel right being there and I wanted to leave straight away. I think I was feeling a bit emotional as well as it was my daughters birthday and I was looking back to that day oh so may years ago when my life changed completely and I now feel that I am just there when needed. It's just that my conversation seems to bore them and yet everyone else they find so rivetting. It's hard to explain really. Their father, who left us seems to fit in better with their lives now and it didn't help that he couldn't babysit as he was away at his new girlfriends party with all of her friends and family. The S.O. and I are out on a limb and I'm not sure how to move on from where we are. If it wasn't for lovely meet ups with you lot oop north and people like kitty down here I'd be a complete social outcast [along with missing my work colleagues too]. We spent Christmas on our own and will probably do so this year as well; I don't know how we reached this point in our lives [sorry; I'm rambling a bit, arent I?].

I didn't finish it, for the same reasons Elegran. Very disappointing.

Tegan From their side of the fence, if you were ready to leave when they got in, then you were clearly anxious to get home, not to talk! Next
time, instead of putting your coat on just before they return, put the kettle on instead and have a hot cup of tea in your hands when the key goes in the door. You can't go home until it is finished, of course, and while you drink it you can ask them if they have had a good time etc. You could also ask if they would like a cup too "it is just made, still hot"

I have just finished Celia Imrie's book "Not very nice" and was horrified at her portrayal of ALL the grown children of the main characters - the things they said to their parents were outrageous. I suspect a lot of it was down to Celia Imrie's own odd image of family life, but my main reaction to it was to want to tell the older characters not to meekly take it and feel useless and unwanted but to spark up a bit and take the lead a bit more in their relationships with their children.

(In the end they did, though neither the story-line nor the characters were remotely believable or well-drawn. Not sure why I bothered finishing it, to tell the truth)

I am 69 and whilst don't like the idea of aging I really think the only way is to go for it, ignore your age and live life to the fullest you can.

There is so much to do when you think about it. You could volunteer (there are hundreds of all sorts), visit museums, walk, evening classes, crafty stuff, go out with friends, get political and support your party of choice, garden, plan holidays then go on them, join a club of some sort like the WI, read, listen to music, go to the theatre, cinema, on and on it goes! We have the time to do all of this - how lucky is that??

Henetha re statins, I was on them for a few years and had dreadful muscle pain and even worse loss of muscle strength, in my back, and then arm.Stopped taking them and began the journey back to full health, but it took a year to regain.I was on the commonest one, and the cheapest called Simvaststin.There are others to try, but I have no intention of trying more at this stage.

henetha, I have been taking statins. I have taken two different ones and have had awful side effects with both. As I sit here my head is aching and my mouth is burning - the latest side effects. I am stopping them as from today and will ask for a telephone appointment with my g.p. this week. I have no intention of trying another one.
Other people get on fine with them but I don't.
As to getting older, I really don't like looking in the mirror but a smile makes us all look better! I am lucky to be in reasonable health and have just had an emergency call to pack a bag and go to look after a sick gc from early tomorrow morning so I am still useful.

Start a thread Tegan re which path?

I know exactly how you feel honda. I was looking after the grandchildren last night and when everyone came back from their night out in the past I would have sat down with them and chatted;as it was I'd already put my coat on when I heard the key in the door and left straight away. It's the fact that I'm aware of their perception of me,'the old granny' rather than me 'the person'. I now feel defined by my age. I've had to reinvent myself several times over the years, the last time was when my marriage broke up and all the family I'd ever known plus 90% of the friends went with my ex and I had to start again; now find myself with a diminishing social life and can't seem to summon up the strength to start again [in fact I don't know where to start]. I still can't believe that I have somehow become 'the oldest generation' in the family. I am at a crossroads yet again and don't know which path to take and the energy I once had to do so isn't there .

Thanks for the replies. It's good to know I am not alone in thinking this. I suppose the trick is to think about the positives, not having to worry about progressing up the career ladder any more I suppose and being more confident about doing your own thing.

DH just said to me you shouldn't worry about getting old, after all, think what the alternative is! He's right I suppose.

It's somewhat perturbing when I look in the mirror and see my mum!
I'm ok health-wise but starting to become a bit forgetful which worries me -GP says it's because I'm always on the go and to slow down.

I think saying 'no' more often and not feeling guilty if I don't feel like doing much sometimes-I seem to have a built in 'I must be doing something' button, which comes from working flat out ever since I left school I guess!
Now I have a less pressurised job perhaps that will change?