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Poor Grampy is conflicted

(23 Posts)
Katek Mon 15-Jun-15 14:50:45

DGD is 9 on Thursday and is having a hot tub party on Saturday with a few friends. Grampy is worried about going across to see her in case the other parents aren't comfortable with him being there. He'll see her on her birthday obviously, but it's so sad that the current climate is making him feel like that. Dd and DGD want him to attend so DGD can show him the hot tub.

Mishap Mon 15-Jun-15 14:54:28

Oh - he must go. Ignore the perverts! I feel so sorry that men are being put in this situation - how they must hate it.

ninathenana Mon 15-Jun-15 15:03:18

Very sad situation it reminds me of a conversation I had several years ago with DH when I asked him why he wasn't more affectionate with DD even though he would, and has, do anything for her. He said he didn't want people to draw the wrong conclusion. I told him he was being ridiculous but if another man can have similar reservations, who knows what the busy bodies may think.

hildajenniJ Mon 15-Jun-15 15:03:35

Of course he must go. If it is okay with the family, then I don't think he has anything to worry about.

whitewave Mon 15-Jun-15 15:04:37

Put yourself in the other parents shoes. Would you worry - I certainly wouldn't - so tell him to go.

soontobe Mon 15-Jun-15 15:06:13

Definitely he should go!
He doesnt have to be around the tub for too long if he feels uncomfortable.
Is DGD dad going to be there? Can he join him?

AshTree Mon 15-Jun-15 15:08:04

I hate the way things have gone like this. It's awful that men have to feel uncomfortable in these situations. He's family, he has a right to be there, why should he miss out on family occasions just because he's an adult male? He should definitely go. If other parents have a problem, then they must deal with it, not him.

ninathenana Mon 15-Jun-15 15:19:52

Just to add to my previous post. As a parent I would expect a child's grandfather to be at a birthday celebration. I hope he and all the family have a great time.

Mishap Mon 15-Jun-15 15:47:48

Go Grampy - and have a wonderful time!

vampirequeen Mon 15-Jun-15 15:58:19

He must go. Society has to be aware of perverts but can't tar all men with the same brush.

I know of a single father who faced a similar problem. His daughter wanted a sleepover on her 10th birthday...just like all her friends had had. Some parents let their daughters stay until 10pm but insisted on taking them home for the night. Fortunately enough were sensible enough to let their daughters stay so it was a proper sleepover.

The next day he, like most other parents who have suffered a sleepover, said it was the one and only she was ever going to have. Not because of the attitude of some of the parents but because he hadn't realised how loudly a group of 10 year old girls could squeal at 3am grin

Lona Mon 15-Jun-15 16:00:28

Of course he must go, I hate the way we all have to think twice before we do or say things.
Go Grampy!! smile

Katek Mon 15-Jun-15 16:10:27

I shall let him read this thread and see if it puts his mind at ease a little. He's had a lot to do with DGD in past couple of years since her father died but sadly, no Sil for Grampy to hang around with. That's part of the reason I think he needs to be there, he sort of fills a bit of a gap for dgd. That's coming out all wrong-hope you can understand what I mean. Just a male presence.

Mishap Mon 15-Jun-15 16:12:51

Children (girls and boys) need a male presence. I am sure that DGD will love having dear Grampy at the party.

Nonnie Mon 15-Jun-15 16:34:21

I have sympathy for how he feels but he must go. I suggest he doesn't use a camera though.

vampirequeen Mon 15-Jun-15 16:40:38

If he's her significant male relative then it's even more important that he goes. She won't understand why he's not there.

vampirequeen Mon 15-Jun-15 16:41:18

Significant male relative sounds pompous but you know what I mean.

Teetime Mon 15-Jun-15 16:45:00

katek that is sad to feel that way but everyone loves a nice Grandpa he should definitely go and enjoy the fun- as someone else here said maybe don't stay around the hot tub- they will miss him if he doesn't go.

PRINTMISS Mon 15-Jun-15 16:48:50

My husband would not miss it for the world! He might well not feel comfortable, but he would at least be there, and not make a fuss about it.
As we have all said it is a sad world when a man cannot be with a young girl without there being some unpleasant thoughts (that is putting it mildly) about it. We play bowls adjacent to a children's playground, and there are often young men with children playing there, this I think is the sign of the times, when mum goes to work, and it is a shame that we should be suspicious of them, but I must admit I am, and to be quite honest a little ashamed of myself.

soontobe Mon 15-Jun-15 16:59:13

Katek - I think you put it very well why Grampy needs to be there. He should be there for her. smile

rosesarered Mon 15-Jun-15 20:11:03

Of course he should go.The children are not going to be nuddy after all, they will have swimsuits on. or at least I would hope so.

Jomarie Mon 15-Jun-15 20:24:53

It's an overwhelming "YES" so far as I can see - so please reassure him that DGD will want him there and that is the most important thing. Good advice about cameras and not hanging around the hot tub though. I too feel so sorry for all the billions of decent men who are now feeling uncomfortable in normal situations. I know my DH is very aware too and I know I would hate it if the boot were on the other foot so to speak. Enjoy the party - don't let the perverts spoil everything. wine for Katek DH - (just the one mind) grin

FlicketyB Tue 16-Jun-15 07:33:34

I assume he will not be joining the children in the hot tub, which might perhaps raise some concerns among a few parents but just being around and joining in the fun around the hot tub shouldn't raise any concerns.

Katek Tue 16-Jun-15 21:21:07

Grampy thanks you all and says to tell you that he is going to the party and now feels a lot better about it. Thank you from me as well flowers