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Tell a joke!

(13 Posts)
mrsmopp Fri 31-Jul-15 19:10:29

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he
knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made
love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

HappyNan1 Fri 31-Jul-15 19:36:05


petra Fri 31-Jul-15 19:36:59

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shop lifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says "It was a whisk he was prepared to take "

Luckygirl Fri 31-Jul-15 19:48:18

Man sitting at breakfast table in kitchen reading the paper while wife is by the stove.

Wife: "Bert, I want you to make mad passionate love to me right now."

Bert slowly tears himself away from the sports pages and looks up: "Why?"

Wife: "Because I want to time an egg!"

Ana Fri 31-Jul-15 19:48:38

Or 'I' even...grin

Ana Fri 31-Jul-15 19:49:05

(to petra)

Margsus Fri 31-Jul-15 20:18:26

During the recent solar eclipse, as advised I watched it through a colander. Unfortunately I strained my eyes...

Anne58 Fri 31-Jul-15 20:28:30

There was this poor chap who was worried about being bald.

He took a felt tipped pen, and drew rabbits all over his head....................

Because, from a distance, they looked like hares (hairs) !

Then there was the other man who felt that he had a lettuce growing in his ear. The doctor wasn't convinced, but took a look and on seeing a small green thing, had to admit that it was the tip of the iceberg.

Another chap was doing jigsaw puzzles as part of his therapy. He was stumped by one particular puzzle. He phoned his doctor to ask for some help. The doctor asked him to provide a bit more information. The man said "well, the picture on the box is of a large cockerel" The doctor replied, "Clive, just give up, they are cornflakes"

KatyK Sat 01-Aug-15 13:03:14

Two men walk into a pub and go to the bar. One man says 'a pint of beer please and a whiskey for donkey here'. The barman says to the second man 'That's not very nice. Why does he refer to you as donkey?' The second man replies 'I don't know but eey aw, eey aw, eey aways calls me that'.

shysal Sat 01-Aug-15 13:56:35

Man says: 'Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I am a pair of curtains.'
Doctor: 'Then pull yourself together.'

Katek Sun 02-Aug-15 00:01:31

Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll in stores now?
It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.

Luckygirl Sun 02-Aug-15 14:45:16

Lowering the tone........

Why does Barbie never get pregnant?
Because Ken comes in a different box.

Sorry grin

annsixty Sun 02-Aug-15 15:22:38

grin a bit of tone lowering is good sometime. It made me smile anyway.