Treating children/relatives the same

Absentdaughter is my only child so the question doesn't arise. She has six children and they are all still children although growing up fast. I do make sure that they have the same number of parcels to open on Christmas Day but have never calculated how much I spend on each child. I just choose presents that I think are right for each one. Each child has received or will receive the same sum of money to start a savings account and on their tenth birthday.

I try to be as fair as possible. Not always at the same time but I think it equals out.

I try to keep it as fair as I can. But one DD has vastly more money than the others - but she has of course worked hard for it! - and she always refuses help that is offered to the others - e.g. when I shared part of my legacy when my Dad died.

Posted too soon.

Deliberate meanness making it obvious that one is favoured over another. I think most people can accept the idea of "to each according to his need" as applied by parents to their offspring.

My family is the same, ga. I think resentment only arises when there is deliberate meanness towards one/some, which there would appear to have been in some of the stories we're hearing.

DD has had lots of financial help from us. It would appear that DS has not had anything like the same but he lives at home doesn't work (waiting for mental heath assessment) and pays a nominal amount for his keep and we occasionally buy him clothes.
As for presents he gets more than DD as we spend some of her share on her sons. She understands that and is not resentful.

I've been pondering on this all afternoon. I love my children equally, as in I don't have any favourites, but I have always treated them differently because they have very different personalities. I never keep track of how much we spend on each child so I have no idea of the discrepancy in spending on each of them, but the important thing is that they really don't keep track either.
Similarly, I have recently spent a lot of money on my daughter and new granddaughter and on flights to visit them in NZ, but my other daughter wouldn't dream of querying whether I spent more on my granddaughter than I did/do on her sons. When I buy Christmas presents for my grandsons I tend to buy the same number of gifts for each, but the prices may vary enormously. The children don't know how much things cost and the rest of the family don't care. I choose the present I think they'd like and that I want to buy.
In my birth family however I can see that some of my siblings would probably be bothered if my mum gave to one and not the other. Nothing to do with their finances and everything to do with not feeling 'left out' or treated unfairly.

We do help as and when rather than giving the same to each of them but they all know that we are there if they need us.

As far as presents go, we tend to do the same for each of the children and their spouses and try to pitch that under what they each spend on their spouse and vice versa. The DGC all get more or less the same amount spent on them but it isn't a set in stone.

DS1 who has no spouse and is disabled gets more in terms of monetary value than the others.

As far as help in practical terms rather than monetary, we do what is needed if we can - having DD3 and two children to stay is an example. Everyone knows that we are happy and willing to do whatever they need and are quite happy with what we do for the others - at least they say they are!

I've been thinking about this and were we able to help one child with a house deposit or whatever then the other DC would be given the same.
I wouldn't feel comfortable if I didn't do that.

Presents-wise I try to give equally to them both, and DDIL and DGS.

We can`t afford to give our children financial help, but as regards presents, we spend the same on each married child (4) and their respective spouses, but we spend more on the eldest one who is still at home. As for the grandchildren, (7 of `em), we decide an amount and spend that amount on each one, sometimes varying by a pound or two.

We give as we can afford it and as and when.
If I had more than one DGC then I would probably treat them equally and definitely if a windfall then equal amounts.

Yes, I treat mine as equally as possible.

If we were to have a large win on the lottery we would give each of our three children an equal amount.

Seeing as this is unlikely to happen we are currently helping the one who needs it most.

You can only do your best.

I agree with your way of doing things, we do something similar with our children and GC as they all have different circumstances and finances. They all seem to accept what we deem necessary to help them out or not as the case may be.

You have a very well balanced and caring family,we are not all so blessed.