Exactly Elegran, before the mother and baby homes there was as you say - the workhouse and we cannot forget mental hospitals , these were the places before the mother and baby homes .

We have been critical of the parents of unmarried mothers but perhaps we need to think how many may have spent their lives thinking of their adopted grandchild , how many insisted on their daughters going away to have their baby to protect their daughter from being judged and the child from being branded a bastard

Exactly, Anniebach The mother-and-baby homes with adoption to decent families had been set up as an alternative to the workhouse followed by dreadful disgrace and poverty, which was what faced "ruined" girls previously - no husband to support them, and no-one would employ them as live-in servants, the most common work for girls without special skills. "Benefits" were skimpy to say the least and boiled down to charity, if you were very lucky.

One older half-brother of an ancestor of mine had been born in the workhouse to an unmarried girl. What kind of start is that?

Having to give up their babies broke their hearts - but they had food and shelter while they were pregnant, and the babies didn't starve in their arms. Half a loaf is better than none - but thank God they get more of the loaf now, and are not ostracised.

But what alternatives were there ?

bralee, I've just seen your post. It must have been a terrifying time for a girl as young as yourself. You must have felt so alone.

I remember hearing at school other girls saying they would be thrown out if they got pregnant and I kept quiet because I knew my mother would never do that. What was going on in these mothers' heads to throw your own child out of the home ? My grandmother was illigitimate and was brought up by her aunt.
Adding to my post. the people who interviewed pregnant girls never gave them an alternative to these dreadful homes. I accompanied my friend and when I suggested another alternative they just put on a blank face.
One friend with a little boy was later a district nurse and she said a lot of lonely old people she visited, were the ones who had thrown their daughters out of the house- Admittedly she was bitter at her treatment but she kept her little boy.

Wilma, I really think that this was the case in my own situation. My own mother hadn't known she was illegitimate until she was about to get married, and was allowed to see her own birth certificate. By this time, the person who she'd thought of as her mother had been dead for 3 years, and her actual mother (who she'd only ever thought of as her sister) never ever did acknowledge her as being her daughter. This affected my mother deeply.

I'm sure some of the mothers of pregnant women must have been thinking of the harsh life facing their daughters. When we hear about mothers telling their daughters that they have ruined their lives, I think they believed it, just as many do today. The stigma and shame were just part of what was going on. Most mothers wanted their daughters to have a better life than them and getting pregnant must have brought disappointment.

It's difficult trying to understand the parents of that time but it must have been heartbreaking for them, they were of their time just as we are now, in the seventies mental illness was not accepted as it is now and some still don't accept it.

There was a lot of stigma in the sixties not only of illigillegitimacy.

I experienced a lot of it, but then, when older, I realized what my parents, especially my late father must have experienced.
Not only was their education still rather Victorian, they also had to go through World War 11 with most of the men having to fight. I can remember what my late father mentioned about his experience and he got badly wounded, which again would not have helped his temper etc.
To cut it short; they had enough of misery during the war years, so must have found it difficult to accept what they did not agree too.

Margaret, for those who were turned away from their homes the mother and baby homes were needed, would a pregnant single girl have managed in a B&B?

bralee and a hug.

And to others who had to hide their pregnancies too or give their babies up .

I'm always appalled to read about the treatment of unmarried mothers in the 60s, and in the 70s it was not much better. They needed above all support from their families and I had two friends who got pregnant, had their baby, lived at home with their parents and later - within 4 years married and had other children.
The best kept secret in those days was that they could get Social Security money for themselves and their baby and as there were no nursery places then they had that money until they went out to work.
Somehow these homes for unmarried motheres must have been making a tidy profit because these young women could have got benefit just like they do to day. It is a scandal that there was this trade in good healthy illegitimate babies to be adopted. The whole thing stinks.

I was the Godmother of one of those babies, and the young mother was well looked after by the state. That was in 1965.

Student nurse in 1965 in London. aged 20 in 1966. (Pre abortion act)
Got pregnant, the grapevine within the nurses home told of a local clinic which carried out abortions on ' mental health' grounds

I made an appointment, saw a Dr who asked if I would 'do something silly' if I was not allowed to have the abortion. I concurred and the short. ratherundignified procedure took place and I was on my way home for days off at my parents' house

I took to my bed with period pains
Only to be greeted by my wonderful emancipated mother saying she knew what I had done and we would never tell my Dad
But had I wanted to have the baby I would have had all their support

Following this she told me how she had nearly died from a back street abortion when she became pregnant with their child ( could not afford another) in 1950, so was so grateful I had done it properly

The irony of this tale is that I had been to a well know female Dr in London who would dispense the contraceptive pill to unmarried wowen. But I was in the early stages of pregnancy at the time!

I am fortunate that I do not regret this action, continued to have 3 children within marriage ( not to the father of the terminated child)

There were many of us who used this clinic and some on more than one occasion

At one stage of my working life I ran a single girls' family planning clinic and was so sad for those in fear of their parents' wrath if they had come to me too late, and needed a pregnancy test rather than contraception

Another of my school-friends became pregnant during the time I was expecting my DD. Due to the fact that 'L' had 'nervous exhaustion' she was 'allowed' a termination. L's mental health has never really recovered and she speaks often of the baby that was terminated, although she went on to marry (another man) many years later, to whom she had a daughter.
At this time only married women were allowed to have the contraceptive pill (I believe?) and of course, visiting the Family Planning Clinic wasn't really done if you didn't have a ring on your finger.
Attitudes perhaps did start to change a bit, TriciaF, but this was 1966 and the attitudes of the older generation were going to take a long time to accept these changes.

BTW, the title of the book we're commenting on is "In the Family Way - Illegitimacy between the Great War and the Swinging 60s."
Which implies the 60s were when attitudes changed.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Was there Harley street in Georgina Devonshire 's days?

Indeed Absent
But it wasn't all that great, even for the aristocracy.
Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire had a passionate affair with Charles, Earl Grey which resulted in the birth of their daughter Eliza.
Georgiana was banished to Italy for the birth and was given an ultimatum by the Duke - give up the baby, or suffer the disgrace and humiliation of divorce, and never see her beloved 3 older children again. Georgiana was grief-stricken at having to part with her baby.
Eliza was brought up at Howick Hall on the Northumberland coast by Charles' parents, and although Georgiana was allowed to make occasional visits, Eliza didn't find out that Georgiana was her mother until after Georgiana's death

Anniebach The aristocracy had married mistresses so there was never going to be a problem if a child was conceived. This continued at the very least until World War II – think of Edward VIII. Actually, thinking of more recent history, even though we have far more reliable contraception…

I was 13 when I got sent away to a mother and baby's home in 1972 and the emotional time I have is in my heart forever. So in the 70's it had not still quiet lost its stigma!

How many adopted children thought they were unwanted and abandoned when these so sad stories show the other side, the side of mothers made to give up their much loved and wanted babies?

My heart goes out to everyone who shared their personal emotions on here. We can be so cruel. {{{HUGS}}}

I asked my Mum about this last night and she said that where we lived, when a girl got pregnant she was made to get married and that no matter how many children she had, someone would always mention she'd had to get married. There was no chance of ever becoming respectable, no matter how long a couple were married.

Oh Carolespr. What an awful start, but with such a lovely ending. Brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad for you now.

Carolespr, what a terrible thing to have to go through. I'm so glad you have your DD in your life again, and in such happy circumstances.

I was sent to a mother-and-baby home in 1961 - a large old Victorian house which was very cold. Every day we had to strip our bed and place the folded items on top, only to be remade at night. We were all given chores around the home - my task was to peel mounds of potatoes and scrub the stone floors on my hands and knees (7 months pregnant at the time) - only allowed soda in the water, so after a while my hands were red raw. We had to attend Church twice on Sundays, and were only allowed out on other days if accompanied. I hated it so much, I ran away on one of my rare days out and caught a bus home. My parents were horrified, but fortunately the Home wouldn't take me back as they said I would only run away again! I was therefore secreted away at home until my time came and then taken to the local maternity hospital, where I was given a private ward so nobody could see me. I did end up having my baby adopted, as I was young at the time, but I have a happy ending, as my daughter found me some 30 years ago and we are the best of friends.