Christinefrance, that is so sad. How could people think that illegitimacy was something to affect them in any way. It's not catching! How horrible for you, so odd that the uncle was rational but not his son/daughter.
One of my cousins was adopted In 1943 by my childless uncle and aunt and just automatically accepted and loved by all the family.

I was adopted in 1946 but my maternal grandparents and an Aunt ( of adoptive parents) would have nothing to do with me because I was illegitimate. As an adult and married my Uncle visited but my cousin who brought and collected him would not cross my threshold because of the illegitimacy. The sins of the fathers etc

I'm still reading the thread but have only just realised my mother was pregnant when she married in 1954! I've no idea why it's never clicked before - I suppose one just doesn't do the calculation I know I was overdue as well, which would make her 6-8 weeks pregnant at their wedding.

My father, a bitter man, had suffered terribly for being a "bastard" although my grandparents married before he was born.

I do remember slightly older girls being sent away in the 1960s. I always hoped they'd come back with their babies, but none did. Some of the families moved house during the daughters' absence. This never made sense to me, and my parents' explanation that they moved "to get away from the shame" (!) clarified nothing. Reading PPs shows me the families most likely moved so they could raise the new baby together, with a new story.

It is shocking how women were made to suffer for the errors of men. This is still a problem in our society today but, my goodness, how much we have improved!

to the posters whose touching stories I'm reading. Thank you.

you got pregnant in the 60's you got married end off...no choice was given...as my parents told me 'you made your bed you lie in it'

Was born in 1948 We were living in some old pit offices that had convert to cottages and were in the middle of no were I know how my father was but that was all

Just read all 7 pages and can't hardly type for the tears in my eyes. Such sad stories.

Battersea, you can find many of the usual ones on the "Acronym" tab at the top of the page, or here :-

www.gransnet.com/info/acronyms

There are many that get invented along the way or are very obvious.

I am fairly new to the site and not sure what all these abbreviations mean. Can someone please enlighten me. Eg DSI, DD, DGS1 etc.

'wayward women' have to say that made me laugh! lol in my case it was lack of information on birth control, I got pregnant at 16 in 1965 I was lucky as I had very supportive parents. I didnt have a choice I had to get married no one asked what I wanted .

Both my teenage sisters "Had to get Married" in the sixties. They had a daughter each and are still happily married to the same equally young men they once were. I was warned by my future mum in law against any hanky panky as she did not want the same misfortune happening to her son. My sexless marriage lasted 7 years, divorce inevitably followed, my mum in law informed me, none of her 3 sons were "affectionate" all eventually were divorced. I wish I had tried some hanky panky back then, perhaps I would have discovered his lack of joy in sex was none existent.

I've only just read this thread-what stories! How I feel for you all. . . .
My sister's MIL, we think, had a baby by an American soldier who was based here in Staffordshire at the beginning of the war. The baby was put up for adoption. After that she met and married her husband (who always hated Yanks!) and had two sons, one my dear sister's DH. We have tried down the years to trace this baby, can't even find his birth. Recently the death of an older family friend who had sworn to keep MIL's secret died so now we'll never know. . .
Funnily enough our elder DD announced she was pregnant when she hadn't been long at Uni (studying law) and hadn't known the father that long either. I was appalled-because of what had happened in my generation-I thought she would not finish her studies. We had a family con with young man, told them how cross we were, but what did they want to do then? Get married they said. To cut a long story short we arranged a lovely wedding in 12 weeks (I said I want you to look back on this with happiness). They're still happily married, she's a qualified solicitor and they now have four children-we are all one big happy family. Phew! ?

My mum became pregnant with me in 1946 with an Italian prisoner of war, who was from a strict catholic family and was forced by his family to return to Italy after the war. My mum then developed schizophrenia, eight months after my birth and was in hospital for 9 years. I was left to be brought up by a very cold grand mother who blamed me for bringing the shame on my mother .... My fathers mother wrote and offered financial support but my grand mother tore the letter up, so angry that he wouldn't marry her. I wasn't taken out of the house for 3 years because of the shame. My grand mother was a single parent to 5 of her own children. Her husband walked out on her, (including my mother who was her oldest) a few years before I was born. I always dreamt that one day someone would come along and adopt me, but of course it didn't happen. My grand mother was constantly telling me she should have put me in a home. The day finally came when I told her I wished she had .....

Lilipops, what a terrible time you had. Very much alone with everything. I remember my own feeling of isolation, and just like you, I hid my pregnancy until around 6 months.
My heart goes out to you. You just had absolutely no choice whatsoever, and the fact that you don't talk about him at home makes the pain worse - although he'll always be there in your heart, Lilypop, and hopefully somewhere, he'll be thinking of you, too.

I was adopted in 1946 and my adoptive parents families would have nothing to do with me because I was illegitimate. I was quite isolated as I grew up but my adoptive parents were very good to me.

I wonder if Jinglebellfrocks went through the same as we are talking about it, when unmarried mothers in the 60,s were sent away to have their babies then had to give them up for adoption after nursing them for six weeks, from her callous comments I would wonder, if she knows what she,s talking about,

How very sad for you Wendy.

A close relative of mine had a baby in 1967. I was the only person, other than the mum, allowed to see the baby before it was adopted.

My relative is in her final years and I wonder when she has gone if I maybe one day will have a knock on my door.

Whenever I watch the programmes about families being reunited I feel the tears.

My heart breaks for everyone here who had to give up their baby, due to social stigma and lack of family support! How sad!

Kudos to those of you who managed to keep your babies - and to the baby dads, grandparents and others who helped make that a reality!

To think what a stigma there was around the physical expression of love (well, by a woman/girl, anyway) and the birth of an innocent baby - whoa! It just boggles the mind!

I still see/hear some prejudice towards unwed mothers, especially among older people. There seems to be less confidence in a young single mom's ability to parent than a young married mom. Also, it seems to me that many people expect young single moms to "do it all" and are critical if they reach out for help very often. But if a young guy is a single dad, then it's all about how "he can't be expected to take care of a child" and all the women around him are more than eager to help out!

But it's still way better, IMO, than it was years ago and I'm glad to see it!

In 1964 I found myself pregnant ,age 17' my boyfriend was19' he didn't want to know, there was no social security, and as my Mum had died when I was 11years old , there was no way I could have kept my baby ,
I kept my pregnancy a secret till I was6months gone , I collapsed in work and all was revealed, I was sent away to a home for unmarried Mothers, I gave birth to my son alone in hospital , no visitors , then went back to the home for 6weeks to nurse my son, While I was in it, my Dad died, so I was alone and bereft ,
An Aunt and Uncle came with me to the adoption office, a social worker just came into the room , took my little son off me and said , it's for the best Dear,, the adoptive parents where in the next room waiting, I heard my little son cry, and that was the last I heard from him,
I am 68years old , happily married with three wonderful children and two granddaughters, not a day goes by without me thinking of my first born , but I console myself with the thought that he will have had a better life than I could have given him ,
Just writing this down gets it all of my chest as I don't talk about it at home even though my husband and children know about it,
And we had to do chores at the home like scrubbing the floors and doing laundry, so Jinglefrocks , it wasn't easy knowing we wouldn't be taking our babies home , It was a heRbreaking time, and it never leaves you even after 50 years,

jeanniemint, I know that feeling of determination. Taking each day at a time, and feeling that somehow, things would work out. What a fine, strong mum you had.
When we look at at all of our grandchildren - and sometimes great-grandchildren - it's quite an amazing feeling to realise that without us, just us having existed in the first place, they wouldn't be here.
Well worth fighting for.

It's April, now, and I have only just read the aforementioned. At 17, I became pregnant, ran away to London, entered a mother and baby home run by nuns, who, although ok for the main part, were clearly judgemental! My brother turned up unexpectedly to see me, not knowing that I had had my DD. He asked me if I would like him to tell my mother. She wrote to me immediately, asking me to go home with my baby. Despite the neighbours', my mum helped me to raise my DD who was - and is - adored by the whole family. I eventually married a man who adopted my daughter, and I had five more children. A widow now, I have a family that includes 12 grand children, I am truly fortunate. At no time did I ever consider giving up my first child, even though - until my mother's intervention - I had no idea how I would manage, but I was determined, and I know that I would have coped. My empathy with women who had to give up their babies knows no bounds. I truly believe that they were treated so cruelly.

When i was in infant school i made friends with a boy in my class and was told by my mother that i shouldn't really be friends because (and this was said in a whisper) 'his mother wasn't married'. So it wasn't just the mothers who were classed as bad, but their children were as well. this was in the early forties.
I only discovered a couple of years ago when i was starting a family tree that my mother, and her two sisters in law were all pregnant when they got married, but that must have been considered acceptable.

I well remember this era.

I met a friend at a bus stop on the way home from work and she told me she was expecting a baby.(She wasn't married or engaged.)

I told her I was so happy for her and she burst into tears. I was the only person who had congratulated her on the pregnancy.

She did marry the bloke and kept the baby, but how sad that no-one really felt happy that a new life was coming into the world.

It's so great that things have changed and the stigma of the unmarried mother is fast becoming a thing of the past.

It was sheer luck that I didn't become pregnant before I got married

Musty - that is so sad. I hope your meeting him was a positive experience. I do think things have changed now. As a child in the 1940s I remember overhearing adults whispering about illegitimacy (and indeed divorce) then. Ironic since so many children were fathered by men who were here for a short time and returned to their own countries.

I was born illegitimate my father was an Italian prisoner of war here
and at the end of war was sent back to Italy. I only saw him once
at the age of 10. It was difficult as I was at Catholic schools and in the
50 and 60's there was a stigma .
I found that I made up a false story especially as I had an English surname
not Italian.
Times have changed hopefully for the stigma of illegitimacy

I have only recently picked up the continuation of this thread. Such narrow mindedness and lack of forgiveness. How cruel to treat such young girls like that for so called moral reasons. What a lot of hypocrisy. We then criticise other cultures for treating women badly.