Is it time to move on?

Is there a problem with moving nearer to your older son?

It think you're right sweet cakes. We have done so much for them, even lent them money (especially one of my daughter in laws in secret) and never had it back. It's sad really but we know we haven't done anything wrong in our eyes.x

Nessie your home on the river looks lovely.

I'm sorry that your sons weren't happy for you to move 40 minutes away and are now not much in touch.

I never cease to be amazed at the number of grandparents who are expected to provide regular child care.

My friend gets texts from her daughter, 'We will need you on...' no mention of, ' If you're not busy on....' or 'Would you mind....?' She never considers replying, ' Sorry, we'll be away that day.' So the demands keep coming.

I would be careful moving away from old friends though you might mean to keep in touch it is never the same . We moved 30 miles from where we lived for many years and it was OK at first but we made the mistake of making friends who were our age or older and sadly they are dying off and are ill. If you move join things that are not just for retired people and make younger friends. Old friends know all your family and , good though new ones are , they are not like the old ones whom you could meet up with and immediately be on the same wavelength. I really miss my old friends and neighbours .

Nessie congrats on your successful move - I expect it came as a great shock to your family that you made up your minds and were gone in such a short space of time It's sad it's caused a bit of a rift but I'm sure they'll all come round eventually. We have been up north today which is where I come from and still consider it as my home - I could see me moving back there but it's even further away from our son and as my husband is still working an hour from here it wouldn't be practical. Just keep thinking that at some point we'll find the right place and everything will fall into place!

Well I am on my own now sold my house I’ve lived there for 40 years and thinking of buying one 35 miles away near my daughter. I was suppose to pay the deposit today but got scared I’ve until 11am tomorrow to decide help I’ve butterflies in my stomach. My grandson who has been living with me pays nothing and I feel this would help him to support himself scared of bring alone

We upsized - totally crazy- but we totally fell in love with this place. We only use part of it on an every day basis.

Definitely downsize but in the same area. I agree with another poster in that I can't see why anyone gets attached to a house. But an area is another thing. I've moved several times but wouldn't move far from family, friends and good public transport.

Sorry Skydancer- some houses are very different and you do fall in love with them and get attached. That is our last house and the current one.

This thread was started seven years ago - I wonder if those who were thinking of moving did so!

I've just ..well more or less..made the decision to move to live closer to my one DS and family. Well, to the nearby city as I want the facilities of a city as I age more.

It means leaving the ties I have here behind and itsn't easy as I have quite bad chronic CFS. but like a poser above decided - to get help - my cleaner will help de clutter, I can pay for packing.

I did the big "de clutter" some time ago in my last move, the emotional bits, the deciding what to keep and what not, and tbh was pretty ruthless in the end. I invited DS to come and get what he wanted (DiL was standing by being ruthless so it was one large box).
I saved one box of "DS" stuff, three boxes of my childhood and younger self stuff, shed many books. Those boxes won't go away, they are with me forever to enjoy.

I've put myself on a list for a retirement (over 55's) complex, as one thing I feel strongly is, "I'm fed up of having to totally look after property for good".

It's a huge brave jump at 72, but the city/place I have in mind is a lovely one, and it has Quakers and U3A and good GP and even dentist - and leisure centre - all enquired about. Why wait until it's even harder to move?

Oh and it was my family suggested it. They won't be able to do a lot of "care", they have a very disabled daughter, but children are still all under 11 at the nicest age. I even chatted at some length to the manager at the retirement complex about living there and which flats had a sunny aspect.

But it will shake me up a lot. Decisions that at 40 seemed like a breeze now seem - well, its the "last big decision" isn't it? Family will not be moving from the area - covered that at first enquiry of course.

Willow500
Is this the move you were talking about in 2016? That was 7 years ago.

I am moving from Kent to Bristol to be nearer my daughter.

My DH died last year, and my DS2 near whom I was planning to move after widowhood, died in 2021. Other DS works in India and comes back annually, o chance of being near him!

I had decided to move while I still have my marbles and am able bodied - can make friends etc. not enjoying the process one little bit, downsize considerably, but am pragmatic. Wish me luck…

Depends on how happy you are where you live now. I can’t see us moving because our house and location suits us just fine. We are in a large village, our house is 4 bed detached with a lovely sheltered garden which gets the sun all day. We drive but there is a bus stop just across the road. We have range of shops, doctors, school, church, etc. we are right in the middle of the village so handy for everything. We are just 15 mins drive from the coast and we are surrounded by countryside. I can’t think of anything we miss out on actually.

I used to work with older people and many of them told me that their families encouraged them to move closer to them but it doesn’t always work out. Some ended up in remote hamlets or villages with no shops or meeting places and they were very lonely. I knew one lady who sold her house to buy a bigger one with her son and she lived in the granny annexe. She was very, very cut off and since the others were all at work during the day she saw nobody at all except the mini bus driver who collected her once a week to go to a community centre.

A neighbour of mine was persuaded by her 4 children to move to Kent as 2 lived in London and 2 in Kent. She had a very nice life here with loads of friends and a partner although they lived separately. Eventually she sold her house, he sold his and they moved to Hythe in Kent together. Her last words to me were “I am sure they all just want me as a babysitter but I have done my bit bringing them all up but we’ll see.”

Less than a month after they moved in her partner had a massive stroke which left him severely disabled with just limited speech. She found it very tough caring for him as she had nursed two husbands through terminal illnesses. His family decided to take him to Scotland to live with them and she very sadly committed suicide. I know that’s very rare but she was the life and soul of everywhere she went and we firmly believe if she had stayed here it would not have happened as we all loved her in the village and would have rallied round.

I did worry about being able to be "useful" (I can't be, except for what I can do, which is in the future just sitting to be with very disabled child and later teenager and adult: the potential of being "used": but neither applies...thought long and hard about both of those.

But personally I think is a big mistake to move out to remote hamlet etc etc however romantically beautiful: too far from medical stuff and possible new friends and groups. I want to be round the corner from a GP, a sainsbugs, a cafe, short distance should it ever be an ambulance, etc.

Can I ask where you’re moving to Wyllow?. I know your family are a few miles from me, but that you are a ‘Townie’.

I can’t decide if I need or even want to move to downsize or be nearer my DDs or both. At the moment, I can financially support and maintain my current house (been here 30 years) and it’s a simple 30 minute drive on fast roads to where both DDs live. I’m in reasonably good health (touch wood) but 72 now - I think not being able to drive would force me into making a quick decision.

Georgesgran

Can I ask where you’re moving to Wyllow?. I know your family are a few miles from me, but that you are a ‘Townie’.

I can’t decide if I need or even want to move to downsize or be nearer my DDs or both. At the moment, I can financially support and maintain my current house (been here 30 years) and it’s a simple 30 minute drive on fast roads to where both DDs live. I’m in reasonably good health (touch wood) but 72 now - I think not being able to drive would force me into making a quick decision.

Do you have a good bus service or trains? We have people round here driving in their 90s.

This reminds me of a conversation I overheard a few months ago. A lady was talking to a couple who must have been former neighbours. They said they wished they hadn’t moved and they missed all their old neighbours and their house.

She said people kept suggesting to her that she should downsize and move but she said although her house was large she loves it and her garden and her neighbours and she had had so much done to it that it was just the way she wanted it.

Willow500 I’ve PMd you

I’m on a main road Primrose53 but probably a mile to the bus stop and over 4 lanes of fast moving traffic. It would be 2 buses to DDs and probably 90 minutes door to door - useless if I was needed in an emergency. My DF drove safely well into his 90’s, but realized his eyesight wasn’t as good as it should be and reluctantly, gave up. At the moment, moving nearer them would be for their benefit for childcare, as I really don’t need any practical help, as yet.

AnnieJacobs, what is holding you back? Make a list of pros and cons. If you've already sold your house, it seems like you need to make a decision!

We moved last year and downsized. We moved from a London borough where we rarely interacted with anybody despite living there over 30 years. Everybody we knew had moved away to be nearer family. We are an hour away from our DD and another lives overseas. We have joined clubs and got to know more people in a year than in the previous 30. We are 20 minutes from the coast and live in a large village. Facilities such as doctors and shops are a 5 minute drive. It’s the best thing we did. It won’t be forever but certainly good for 10 years or so until we have to move into a flat.

Is the house much too big for you? Too expensive to heat properly? Garden too big and unmanageable etc.?

If not, and if it’s in a convenient location that you like, then unless you hope to make money that you could really do with by the move, I’d be inclined to stay put.

We have no thoughts of leaving our house of over 30 years, though moved often enough before that, inc. locations abroad. 4 beds, but def. not too big, and room for family/guests to stay, garden is small, and above all, we have just about everything more or less on the doorstep, inc. v good public transport.

Moving is such a major PITA and hassle, even when you’re young and fit! (Dh and I are 70s now.).

We don’t have a mass of clutter or hoarding, but I will try to reduce what we do have so dds don’t have too much to get rid of eventually. Though I’ve told them plainly enough, take anything you want, or that’s worth selling - and just get a house clearance firm in to get rid of the rest. Well worth it IMO.