Is it time to move on?

My friend gets texts from her daughter, 'We will need you on...' no mention of, ' If you're not busy on....' or 'Would you mind....?' She never considers replying, ' Sorry, we'll be away that day.' So the demands keep coming.

Nessie your home on the river looks lovely.

I'm sorry that your sons weren't happy for you to move 40 minutes away and are now not much in touch.

I never cease to be amazed at the number of grandparents who are expected to provide regular child care.

It think you're right sweet cakes. We have done so much for them, even lent them money (especially one of my daughter in laws in secret) and never had it back. It's sad really but we know we haven't done anything wrong in our eyes.x

Is there a problem with moving nearer to your older son?

Nessie 19 that's about it really this generation are so selfish they can't be happy for you just remember what go's around come's around, their probably worried you spending their inheritance having fun!

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We had been in our house for 44 years and loved it, same village as my eldest son and grandchildren, and other son lived in the next village with my grandchildren. The house was getting too much, we needed a new kitchen, etc and the large garden getting too much. We couldn't make our minds up but we visited a town about 40minutes away and while there saw some park Homes, right on the river. One was for sale, we looked at it and fell in love with it. Got home, put our house on the market, it sold in 4 days and within 5 weeks we were in. We worked like Trojans emptying the loft and garage and generally getting rid of 44 years worth of rubbish. Our boys weren't very happy that we were moving 40 minutes away, as I helped with child minding etc but my grandchildren are growing up now, the youngest is 9 and the eldest 16. We then decided to drive to Spain for the winter, we rented an apartment from November til February and absolutely loved it and made many friends there. However, my sons rarely visit, I don't see my grandchildren very often, unless I visit them but they are always out. So although we love our new life, I feel that I have lost the relationship with my sons, my daughters in law don't speak to us at all, but I feel it's our time now, we don't know how long we are going to be fit and able and feel very sad that they can't be happy for us.

I'm thinking of this too and I plan, this summer, to do a lot of decluttering and smartening of the house, as if I was about to put it on the market.
I hope, during or shortly after that process, to become more definite about whether to stay or go.

Is it possible to move to a new area, where you don't know anyone.... and settle in your 60s?

pompa. Am I correct that you live in Tiptree. I know it well, I lived in Tollesbury for many years. Why don't you buy something smaller in Tiptree?

We're always told that selfish old people should downsize to free-up housing for young families, because of course we had such easy lives and are now enjoying more money than our grandchildren will ever have.
I live in a 2-up, 2-down cottage and could only downsize to the garden shed.

We seem to have the same discussion on a monthly basis. It would be very convenient to move near our daughter near Leicester, we have found a few villages we like.

BUT

We live near the Essex coast and love the coast, also having lived here nearly 50 years, have a lot of friends here. However we need to move whilst I can still drive and in good health. Our garden is also starting to become too big for us.

SO

When and where ?

We've had another deep discussion about this again today and still came to the conclusion we have to find somewhere we want to go before we can do anything. It's a bit like the chicken and egg or are we all just afraid of making the decision

I really need to move to a different style of property. I saw hiw difficult it was for my parents towards the end to have a house with stairs. Apart from the first couple of years of my life this house was 'home' . It has been passed down the generations. It is so much family memories it will be hard to leave. I have no idea which area to want to move to or whether to go for a flat or bungalow. The is no DH to debate this with either. Very difficult.

I think a move can be good for us. Think of it as an adventure. Who knows what lies in new pastures? It could be fun.

One of my uncles and his wife moved at the age of 89 and throughly enjoyed organising all the building work and decorating that needed doing. He hadn't moved far and was able to use all the workmen he was familiar with from employing them when he lived in his previous home.

I've been in my house over 30 years as well. I've been thinking about moving but really like where I am and property around here is very expensive. I think I will wait now until I feel old enough to move into some sort of supported living. (I'm 70)

I am so glad we took the plunge and went for the downsizing when we did in our 60s. I wouldn't want to do it in our 70s as the energy levels are so much lower that it cuts down your options on what property you could manage after buying. Any older and it would have been too daunting and just too exhausting to have done all the updating and personalising we have done in this bungalow. We are relishing sorting out the garden now and are looking forward to the day when all we need to do is potter and enjoy.
We have friends who are seeing what we have done and are really sad when they think that 'they have missed the boat'. Takes a deal of thinking about whichever way you jump really as I would never have coped in our big house without DH but feel I would manage here in our bungalow. DH manages much better here already and everywhere is accessible for us both. Neither of us would have wanted to move on our own after the other had gone and we have already started making memories here together.

I would love to move. There are retirement flat available in the City centre and I would like to buy two adjacent ones so that we could live in one and have hobby rooms and guests in the other. I feel our house is ready for a young family.

We've only been in our present house for 12 years but it's where all our shared memories are. We're fast approaching retirement, our family is tiny and busy so after a lot of thought and discussion we've decided to move and make a life elsewhere and will be going in April. We think making the move now, while we are still active is the best option - leave it until later and it may just be too late. We contemplated staying put and decided our location just isn't where we want to grow old. It was a daunting prospect to uproot ourselves and start afresh but once we found our new home it became exciting and now we can't wait...good luck to you Willow500

We decided to move as we'd seen others leave it just too late and regretting it. We'd lived in our old house for 32 years. It was exciting planning our new home. We only took what we really wanted. The DCs took anything they wanted and we got house clearance people to take the rest. I won't say the whole thing was painless but it all went well and we've truly never looked back. It was amazing what craprubbish we'd accumulated over the years. Starting again in our new place was great fun and we're so glad we did it. Good luck all!

One of the advantage of a forces childhood is you get used to moving house. On my 21st birthday I counted one 'permanent' address for every year of my life.

We moved house every 5 years in the first 15 years of our marriage then stayed 15 years in the next house and have been in our current house for 20 years. We know we have one more move ahead of us when our current house and garden become too much for us or only one of us remains, but we are in our early 70s and still in good health and able to run our current property without effort so I do not see us moving in the near future.

When the need to move comes, we will do it as before. Pay the removers to do the packing and sort and chuck gradually as we do the unpacking. A recently widowed friend of our has just made the down size from a very large family home to a smaller home with remarkable ease. She started the sorting process shortly after her husband's death. He was a notorious 'collector'and the sorting was part of the mourning and moving on process. By the time her house went on the market, more than a year after her husband died, she had already done all the sorting she wanted to do and the move went smoothly. She moved two months ago and is already busy turning her new garden into one as glorious as her last one.

My parents emigrated to Australia in their mid-60s partly to be near my sister and enjoyed life to the full.

We've moved about so much I don't really understand this attachment to a house, but some advice I would give is to be careful about moving to a new area with no support in the way of family or friends - it's very difficult to build up a social framework when you aren't working and have no children as a way in. Dogs can get people talking to you, by the way ?. Good luck whatever you decide, but I think you have to make your mind up soon!

Thanks for your thoughts which echo my husband's. We've been wresting with this for the last 3 years since my mum passed away. We too have done major extensions and changes to the house over the years but it's now over 60 years old and as time goes on will probably need more work and money spending on it but it won't appreciate in value any more and would better suit a young family than an old couple. We have so much furniture and 'stuff' -leaving it until we're in our 70's would not be a good idea. The biggest problem is we just don't know where to go and an even bigger dilemma is our youngest son has twice now broached the subject of us emigrating out to NZ to be near them with all the trauma that would cause leaving our other son and granddaughters here. Realistically we don't believe that would be a sensible option - fine in your 40's as they were but mid 60's is probably too old. I think it is an age thing although my parents moved 80 miles at 65 to be near us which given the circumstances in later life was the best thing they did as it meant we were there to take care of them as they both developed AZ - Annsixty my heart goes out to you - it's such a dreadful condition. J52 good luck with your move - you've definitely given me food for thought now so maybe the hunt for a suitable location should start again!

J52 posted while I was formulating my post.
We did leave it too late and now the choice is made for us, we stay, but an earlier decision may have been best.

It is certainly an age thing with us. We have been in this house almost 40 years and a lot of water, some more tranquil than others have passed by.
We have extended, changed things, planned a garden and now it is far too large for us but it is home.
My H has Alzheimer's and would not tolerate a change so we are here until something forces us to go which actually will probably not be our decision to make.
Good luck with your plans,it will not be easy.