Shocked and saddened

It is dreadful - how very sad. When I was in the depths of my depression I could not see any way that I could cope with continuing with life in such distress and feeling so very ill; but I did not act on it, as I had worked with so many families who had lost a loved one in this way and knew exactly what my lovely family might go through. The problem with depression is that family and friends can do all the right things, but nothing makes that misery go away how ever hard they try.

It is always a shocking act and brings everyone up short as it is so unnatural - we are programmed to want to survive.

My grandfather committed suicide on Christmas Eve - I was 5 - I remember to this day the sense of shock that followed.

It is so sad when someone so young takes their life, and one wonders how awful their life must have been for them to do such a thing. The folk left behind must feel devastated, and will need lots of support, I think.
I have a friend, we have become very close, but before I knew her two of her children committed suicide, and on a quiet reflective moment, when we were just chatting about her son, she said that she always felt that it took courage to take ones own life. I am not sure if she found comfort in that or not, I never press her when she talks about that time, as she does it so infrequently, and at odd moments.

I'm so sorry katek for you and yours. Suicide is so difficult for those left behind - far worse than for any other bereavement as there is always "why didn't we see it coming?" etc. It is horrible. Be kind to yourselves and perhaps with time you get used to it; you won't "get over" it, no one ever does, but the pain does ease.

What sad news. Suicide, particularly in a young person, is shocking and can challenge our deeply held beliefs. I truly don't think the likelihood can ever be accurately predicted, or indeed halted if the person is determined. I do react angrily if I hear a comment that suicide is an easy way out, having listened to many people with suicidal thoughts and plans over the years I can't recall one for whom the thought or action was an easy one. It is important to remember there is a huge gap between suicidal thinking and an actual plan. Many people can see no point in waking in the morning, but do not plan to end their lives. Learning of a death by sucide is always a shock and its important to care for ourselves. I feel for you Katek, your son and anyone who knew this young man, particularly his parents who undoubtedly will be hurt and yes, struggling with guilt. As Jogginggirl and Anniebach have said (apologies if I've missed anyone) there are organisations offering support, the challenge for those considering ending their own lives is to see the use in talking and to accept that they will be heard without judgement. Fortunately many people with suicidal intention do seek help and are able to see a purpose again. I agree with others, we can never be sure what is going on in another person, no matter how close to us.

I am so sad to read this post Katek. I have some personal experience of how depression and suicidal thoughts can creep up on young men causing them to feel helpless and hopeless. It is so difficult for men to talk about their problems, always bottling them up and feeling that they 'should' be able to cope.

This fantastic charity - www.thecalmzone.net/about-calm/calm-news/
offers support to men of any age who are 'down' or in crisis.
According to their figures in 2014, male suicide accounted for 76% of all suicides and is the single biggest cause of death in men under 45 in the UK.

I think we need to encourage our young men to talk, talk, talk - we, as grans, are in a perfect position to encourage the little ones - it's never too early to let them know that they can talk about anything and everything - no shame, no judgement just a willing ear. Who knows what difference it might make in a few years time...?

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I am so sorry, I help run a drop in centre for people with mental health problems, we have lost several friends through suicide over the years. As well as the grief often comes guilt -where there is no guilt, - this is so sad to hear , 'I should have noticed /listened/ done something

How sad Katek. His poor family will be asking themselves what they could have done. I remember once being so angry at a young man's suicide for the devastation it caused for his poor wife and young children who will never recover from it.

So sad KateK

From experience there is now a ' possible ' period by friends and family to berate themselves as suicide does tend to flow out into other peoples lives . Why didn't we see it coming, What could I have done to help him scenario.

Such a tragedy, the mind is so fragile .

Suicide leaves such a deep impact on so many people. A friend of mine chose to end his own life a couple of days before Christmas 2011. It was no secret that he had stomach cancer and that his condition was terminal - but he would have lived another six months at least if he had not chosen to go when he did, and I could never understand why he didn't wait at least until after Christmas.

None of us knows what another person is thinking.

Katek It's terrible isn't it? Many years ago my brother did the same - he was 24. The shock is beyond belief

He was so young, such a sad loss.

Really sad for all of you Katek. It is always a shock when something like that happens isn't it.

How terribly sad, Katek and an awful shock for your son.