Honesty thread about grandchildren

Not a GC but my niece (13) was so mature when she visited recently, eating what I had made for the adults, and being patient with the oldies, and sitting with us most of the time, without moaning. Step GS (13), grunts occasionally, disappears with headphones on, moans if extricated from them. and eats nothing. Is it a girl-boy thing I wonder?

Stansgran" love it! It's like a punchline and you have to think up the joke! Made extra intriguing by the culture/language difference. I bet you could write a book on Anglo/French amusing differences.....

Rather appalled by some posts: times have certainly changed. My
grandson is now 28 but , although he was not perfect as a child, some of the behaviours posted (and bragged about) would never have been tolerated by his parents or grandparents. Observing some modern parents it seems they adopt the line of least resistance and give way/ignore / laugh at unacceptable behaviour both at home and in public. When did "no" or "stop that now" go out of fashion?
My step-grandchildren , 9 and 16 years , do "try it on" now and again but know exactly where the boundaries lie. Living in France , as do we, they have good role models with French children and families who do expect reasonable behaviour and good manners.
Sadly if we observe badly behaved children in restaurants or supermarkets they are inevitably British.
Having been a teacher/ Head for many years I do have some ,experience of handling "stroppy" children!

We have certainly had the Kevin syndrome through this family over the years and they have all come out the other end at one stage or another,they are polite & hard working individuals who still at times have their strops,only one DGS has at the moment answers in one syllable or a grunt the others seem to have gone past that stage thank goodness but we do understand him whatever he grunts at us.

DGS 4 1/2, is normally very good with me, excellent in fact takes note of my disabilities when we are out.
We have had some great days out since the start of the holidays. 8 weeks here.
Then on Friday we were going to M&S then to a friends cafe fooor the afternoon, just to get out really.
As he had been so good I said we could go in past the toy shop and he could get a little present.
Fine chose a big bag of Dinosaurs, paid and then he kicked of, lying on the floor of the shop screaming, would not come with me or even be talked to.
I took him by the arm and looking straight ahead marched him out of the shopping galery, through a large department store across a busy road and to my friends. Screaming all the way, I was horrified and mortified.
After a cold drink[wine for me] we both calmed down, then on the way home off he went again, the nice young man from the shop on the corner had to carry him up the hill for me to get home.
So yesterday SIL was taking part in a national crossbow shooting competition in the main square Grand Place, and we all went, good as gold, went for a nice walk with me and then with his Uncle, came back with some Belgian chocs as a sorry.
No idea what went off on Friday but I really hope is doesn't happen again.

Dharmacat, sometimes bad behaviour has underlying reasons, not excusing lax parenting but not everyone can cope as well as your family obviously did. My grandson now in his twenties went through a a very difficult patch, fortunately all turned out well in the end. I live in rural France too and agree with your comments about the level of behaviour expected by French parents.

Felice well done for marching him out screaming. I find there is no point in arguing with a small child in that state.
I saw a guy in our Asda walking around with a screaming toddler in a trolley and the dad was ignoring the screams completely. No shouting at him or such. Just ignoring his behaviour. That takes some courage.

Yes, CHRISTINEFRANCE, I agree that there are children who do have periods of challenging behaviour due to family / medical circumstances and require extra empathy and loving guidance during such times. My post was a generalisation about modern trends of what used to be termed unacceptable behaviour becoming the norm. Yes, in France not all children are perfect but at school good manners and social etiquette is stressed and those of our British friends whose children are in or have experienced the French schools and lifestyle are notably more polite and delightful in social situations than those of visiting holidaymakers.

I too agree with Dharma. we have lived in France for 11 years now and it is noticeable that how much better behaved and respectful French children, and especially the teenagers, are compared to the British in general. Having said that, after years of running a gite we have had mostly absolutely delightful British children here, and in the minority some utterly deplorable British teenagers, the parents of which are the ones that let them get away with this bad behaviour.

I have the world's best three grandchildren - not that I am prejudiced. The eldest is an absolute nightmare to feed, and my 7 yr old grandson hogs the loo for hours with his trousers around his ankles playing on his tablette. Just like a little old man with his newspaper in the days of yore. Must be in the male genes. So far youngest very easy apart from the odd paddy - allowed.

My partner has sons who are Kevin's...and they are 22....things get so bad we go away for Christmas ...on our own !!!

Well, I guess our French exchange girl, back in the day, must have been an exception to the rule then. Sulky and miserable, despite our very best efforts. She didn't manage more than one word answers in French or in English during her one week stay, and none of them were please or thank you. I was charitable, and put it down to homesickness, but poor DD1 had to endure another week of it on the visit to France. Unbelievably, we had feedback that she'd had a lovely time, and her sister would like to come to us the following year. To DD2's great relief, the visit was cancelled!

Yes we, too, had the sulky French girls, twice over, for each of our daughters. It was exhausting. On the other hand, when our girls went to Paris and later to the south of France, their exchange girls were completely different and both my daughters had a great time. I think the French girls were much less adaptable and didn't much like being away from home, didn't like the food, were unwilling to try/see new experiences. We took the girl from Paris to see Cats in Drury Lane snd she was shocked that we had to walk from Charing Cross to the theatre, all of 15 minutes when, as she pointed out, there was a row of taxis waiting at the station. She did survive, but I'd say both the French girls were spoilt and not very adaptable.

I realise this is slightly off thread, Apols to OP

They should all be deep frozen until they reach the age of about 19 when they suddenly become human!!!

Hm - remember Willian Golding' "Lord of the Flies" Perhaps as HannahLoisLuke says - put 'em away - on a desert island they just might have to sort themselves out!!

Must admit my kids were pretty good. My grandaughter is like the British weather she changes moods frequently tho I love her to bits and she does live with us but it's a pain at times. I have learnt to gauge the moods and have been told when they get to 16 they get better, well she is a few months off that so hoping that is so. Unless some on gransnet tells me otherwise

My DGC are pretty good, thank goodness, my DS was difficult but got through school and in to work without too many major traumas. I brought DD and DS up on my own from the ages of 13 and 8.

This week DGC were visiting when DGS, 13, stretched his arms backwards whilst sat down, and swept a Whitefriars glass vase on the end of the mantlepiece behind him to the tiled fireplace surround.
It was one of the few things of my late mother's that I have.
I couldn't show any emotion at all as he was clearly upset, it was a total accident.

DD was clearly a bit annoyed from her facial expression, though she said nothing and I joked that was because that was part of her "inheritance" gone.

I was straight on to eBay when he had gone home, and I found another one, near identical, just slightly smaller.
It's now in roughly the same place, but moved down from where DGS normally sits!

I do still have a few items of my Mum's, and a few things that she gave me. One of those items is a little vase that I gave her, I have never seen another one like it. It would have been worse for me if that had gone, I think.

The Whitefriars vase was bought with Embassy coupons as was a matching ruby dish that I also have. There must be thousands of these on the sideboards, shelves and mantlepieces of now relatively elderly people all over the country.
Those who are still with us, that is, after smoking Embassy....!

The real motivation wasn't to replace the vase for me though, it was definitely to make him feel better. £23 well spent in that case. He isn't a thoughtless youngster normally and not a Kevin, well, not yet. He and his sister are Baden - Powell scouts and have spent this week at Scout Camp.

So far, we have 1 budding Kevin: GS1, aged 9 As we look after him and his brother a lot, we have to try to deal with the moods. He can be really lovely and then something doesn't go his way and we have the marching out in a huff behaviour. He is really touchy and easily upset. Mind you, he has had a lot of family problems to put up with. Brother, aged 6 is much more laid back.

And 2 of the GCs in England are awful eaters. A nightmare to cater for.

My grandson is three and mad about Teenage Mutant Turtles. His mum saw a bin with this design on it, so she bought it for his room. He was disgusted and said "I don't want a bin, I want toys"!

mcculloch29 thirteen year old boys do seem to have inordinately long arms!

(It wasn't the Tolmers camp your GS was at, was it? My elder GS has just had a great week there. )

I'd just like to ask for a medal as we have had 5 totally uncommunicative French exchanges and 3 demanding German ones.

Of course my children and grandchildren are above reproach.

Crazy Golf tomorrow, first time to the place for both of us, wish me luck please.

Every French exchange we ever had when DD was at school was an uncommunicative nightmare, kitty. We only had one German student and she was an absolute darling - it was DD at that time who was a pain in the a**e!! I was tempted to send DD to Hamburg and keep her opposite number! I cried when she left.

jinglbellsfrocks. It wasn't Tolmers, (Potter's Bar?) we are at the opposite end of the country. They were up somewhere near the Scottish Borders. Edinburgh only an hour away. He and his sister did have a good time, anyway.
So did DD and D SonIL, worth every penny for them through the year to have time to themselves whilst their children are at camp, though that's not the sole motivation for encouraging the kids to attend.

Yep! You can't beat a Scout camp for kids.(elder DGS at nearly 15 is an Explorer Scout now, so he gets counted as a 'helper' ) Really good value for money too with all the activities they get up too. Far better deal than holidays like PGL which are so over-priced.

Scouting is the best.