In pursuit of that elusive thing ...happiness !

Great thread and interesting perceptions. It's the simple thing's in life that bring me the greatest joy, things that make me smile all go towards being happy, stolen moments which go on create happy memories and for those moments when your not as happy as you could or should be in your life I think in a philosophical way the serenity prayer say's it all, to have the serenity to accept the things you can not change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference XX

For me it is contentment and always reminding myself that there are so many people far worse off, avoiding stress as much as possible, and learning that worrying and being anxious is an extremely draining occupation. I do think at my age - 59 in a few weeks - it is easier to relax and be contented. I have learned how to do this over the years.

The majority of the younger generation seem terribly discontented with their lot nowadays, and so many of them are always looking for more, rather than enjoying life and making the most of what they have.

I am another who sees happiness as something that comes and goes, while contentment is the rolling continuing emotion underneath.

I think contentment is a state of mind that comes from appreciating the little things in life that keep life on its tracks, and while my life, like most, has had its periods of deep unhappiness and discontent, my own default setting seems to be contentment with what I have and where I am, at any stage of my life.

However it doesn't mean that I do not have my periods of happiness, which are so exhilarating because they come and go. They lift you above yourself and give you those 'zing' moments. But I am not sure I would want to live my whole life like that. It would be a bit like living on nothing but cake, lovely to begin with but soon becoming cloying and uneatable.

Well I am very contented personally - happy childhood, happy marriage, healthy children and grandchildren who keep in regular touch, so I am very lucky. I am a worrier though, and fear for the future (terrorism, global warming, Donald Trump and other far right trends). Also wasnt very happy a work but LOVE being retired! As for those flashes of happiness- holidays, grandchildren running to me, family photos, playing & listening to music etc etc.

I agree with all who have said that generally contentment is the achievable state most of the time and happiness those fleeting euphoric feelings. I believe that to achieve a constant state of true happiness/contentment our mind must be tamed so that we achieve an equanimity which allows us to feel 'happy/content whatever is happening in our lives. Meditation leads us towards that state.

Happiness seems to be harder to achieve now that material expectations are so high for everyone - particularly the young.I was told 'expect nothing of anybody and you will never be disappointed'. 'Bit cynical, but then any kindness shown to you is a great bonus. I feel strongly that the best things in life aren't things; relationships are what make me happy, animals, nature, the much loved children and grandchildren - the joys in life that you can't buy. Also some of it must be in the genes; my Father had a pretty grim, hard up life with lots of knock backs, but he had a happy heart and an unconquerable soul, and I am so lucky to have inherited those.

Yes I agree Katy sometimes past life really seems to catch up as u get a little older. I'm a miserable person and grumpy and wish I could shake myself out of it but acting and pretending to be happy really gets hard.

Agree, contentment is the thing, as Rosesarered wrote happiness is fleeting, lovely while it lasts.

Since oldest DGS told me, to my surprise, that I'm one of the 2 happiest people he knows (the other is my DS, his uncle) I've had to make sure I always appear to be! Some of the time I even convince myself, hardest when I'm on my own and reluctant to get up and face the world.

Completely agree with everyone who says contentment is the way to go. 'There are two ways to happiness, to have more, and to want less'.

I agree that contentment and happiness are two different entities. From my own perspective, I have seldom been truly happy since the death of my DH, but live a mostly contented life. I appreciate how lucky I am to be in good health (touch wood!), to be in close contact with members of my immediate family and in a position to 'help out' when needed and to accept that there are times when there is little I can do to change things. Happiness is a smile and chuckle from my lovely GGS. Sincere best wishes to all who are struggling to find contentment against horrific odds.

I think there's something spontaneous about happiness. We're constantly being told that this holiday or that car will make us happy, but those kind of expectations lead to disappointment eventually. Holidays pass in a fug of resentment and cars break down and depreciate.

The little bursts of happiness are frequently unexpected and all the better for it.

For me it's lying in the sun to a backdrop of jazz, an unexpected message from an old friend, the joy of a child at the beach, the smell of rain after a drought.

Daft things, really.

When DH and I first met he said what was really attractive about me (apart of course from my pretty face and great intelligence☺) was the fact that I seemed to be such a happy person .I too am an eternal optimist .Just as well as DH is not.And we have had ups and downs ,including a period of very straightened circumstances and DH suffering depression following redundancy and a long period of unemployment .And the usual anxieties around raising DCs ,one of whom sufffers from depression
But I think the underlying 'current'is contentment .I have had great sadness -the early death of a beloved and only sibling-and a lot of stress -both DDs buying property ,one problem after another-in the last year but I would not say it made me unhappy Just sad, tired and anxious
I do agree that one does ,hopefully,occasionally get one of those 'this is as good as it gets'moments of pure happiness .For me its often being in a lovely place with DH and both children ,all of us relaxed and happy in each other's company

Happiness by Carl Sandburg

I asked the professors who teach the meaning of life to tell me what is happiness.
And I went to famous executives who boss the work of thousands of men.
They all shook their heads and gave me a smile as though I was trying to fool with them
And then one Sunday afternoon I wandered out along the Desplaines river
And I saw a crowd of Hungarians under the trees with their women and children and a keg of beer and an accordion.

Happiness is a biproduct of what we are doing, be it reading a book, the scents around us, walk with the dog, go on borrow a dog, sharing food with friends, giving compliments, drawing, writing, gardening, making love even if it be just yourself. Through life we have to proffer the hand of friendship even if it not be accepted. Swap jokes even if it is online, laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone. Stay interested and you will be interesting. Of course the sky falls on us many times in our longer lives, the difference between successful people is not that they have not had problems a plenty but overcoming them. A super model wrote that before eating she would put on a special dress and fleetingly feel great, she could not wear it later in the day. If you wish to do something take no notice of naysayers do it - Zorbing is my next, anyone for Lymington Lido?

Always an optimist, glass always half full, sometimes brimming over. the only place luck comes before work is in the dictionary. If things are not as you want then change them. Dream time - what do you want? Now change what you can and compromise over others. Agree with Anya and like minded posters on their views of happiness. Making other people happy also brings happiness.

I couldn't agree with you more! I'm in the same position as you - two children both happily married with two happy children each and the wherewithal to treat us these days. Very proud of them all - and glad that they appreciate the time and effort we both put into their upbringing. My husband of nearly 50 years has sadly suffered much ill health over the years and is now able to do very little - very poor mobility and little use of arms and hands - so I have been his carer for much of our married life. But we still enjoy each others company and, although we are constantly fighting a battle to keep income and outgoings balanced with little left for entertainment etc. we are both still HAPPY! I have pretty much decided to withdraw from this site as it seems that few of the grandmothers on here are happy with their lot and spend most of their time moaning which I find sad but have yet to hear of one who really has anything to be truly UNhappy about - although I feel certain they would not agree with me. Count your blessings there are plenty in this world much worse off than any of us - and be grateful for what you have got!

Happiness is relative - for me it is being with my loved ones, enjoying what I am doing and liking myself. I have been at absolute zero, due to the unspeakable spite of an immediate family member and it took me over 20 years to learn to forgive. After that, anything feels like happiness. Wishing you all health, a comfortable lifestyle, whatever you wish yourselves and I think that will allow you to feel "happy". Good luck

I'd recommend a book by Byron Katie called 'Loving What Is'. It certainly makes you question the way we think. We all, at some stage, experience adverse life events and some people cope and others don't. This book examines the way we think about and deal with life events - the basis of CBT. Well worth reading. And yes, definitely it's the little moments in life that gives us joy and happiness. I stayed up to watch Mo Farah, Murray and Usain Bolt win their Gold medals - that made me happy! ?

My DH is the most optimistic and upbeat person I know. Despite having had gruelling treatment for cancer (including 37 consecutive days of radiotherapy), diabetes, and a few other medical problems, I have never once heard him complain or whinge. Despite being married to me who struggles to see anything to be optimistic about, he is still smiling

I had a happiness surge last night. DGD rang me to tell me she had got distinction in her ballet exam. It wasn't just the exam result but it is the first time she has rung me and then had a long conversation with me. Up until now both DGC haven't really liked talking on the phone, so that at best we would get a 'Hallo Grandma, Thank you. Good bye, when we rang up on birthdays and the like.

The incident is still giving me a warm glow, but not the real happiness I felt last night.

Happiness is an inner feeling. Ok obvious. But the problem is that we are bombarded by blatant and subliminal media messages of what 'should' happiness be like. Are we that shallow? No of course not but we live our lives and give scant thought to these messages however they go unchecked. Of course there are bad times and good, unfortunately these unchecked messages colour our thinking so we end up thinking that there maybe more to life. No there's not, yes we could be taller, fatter, thinner, richer ..... but we are who we are. A rambling response. We can all be happy with our lot if we block out the hype!

Different things can make me happy the sound of children's giggles always does it . I agree skweek its relative must be awful to never feeling happy

Try reading this:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3740611/Why-British-happiest-people-earth-BILL-BRYSON-discovered-soggy-seaside-weekend-continuing-book-exquisitely-captures-glorious-national-foibles.html

Happiness is seeing a child smiling, a baby learning to crawl, a faithful old dog nuzzle up to you when you're feeling sad and look at you adoringly. Happiness is hugging your children when you come home from work, making them their favourite food when they're ill, clapping and roaring when they take the podium to receive their degrees and crying when you hold your first grandchild in your arms. Happiness is sitting silently watching a film with your husband that you know is too soppy for his taste but because he loves you, he pretends to be absorbed. And he knows that you know. That's happiness.

I wrote this poem many years ago
THE MYSTERY OF HAPPINESS
The future is unknown
the past unchangable
Take care of the present
for its what dreams are built on
Care for each moment
for happiness can be
fragile as a butterfly wing
or a petal blown on a breeze
Happiness can melt and disappear
as snow on a sunlit day
Happiness is often found
long after it is gone
So open your arms
and welcome it into your heart
Open your eyes
and accept what is given