Soop's Friendly Kitcheners and pets...

I've been suffering a prolonged fit of the blues for the past week or two and haven't posted as a result.I'm hoping for some wise words from the kitcheners.

We upped sticks and moved to the south coast just over 4 years ago. DH was the driver for the move as he wanted to be near our DD and her DC and despite my own misgivings about the move, as I was very settled and happy where we had lived since 2003, having moved south from Yorkshire, in the end I hoped for the best and went along with it. He had been very ill with peritonitis just prior to the move and DD had been unable to come and visit him due to work and children commitments and she said it would be much easier in the future if we were nearer. It seemed a win win for her - our help with the DGC now and hers for us as and when needed as we age.

We have both joined things - WI and a choir for me and cycling club for him. He is very settled and very happy here but I, increasingly, am not. We seldom see DD other than when she calls in to book us for some cover or taxi for DC although she does invite us to join them in a restaurant to celebrate their birthdays. We haven't been inside their home since 19 December 2015 - just haven't been invited and she does not welcome us dropping in. That was made clear before we moved here.

I have made lots of acquaintances but not proper friends such as I had before we moved and I miss them. I also feel quite isolated as a result and we are so much further away from our DS and family. It is a horrible journey round the dreaded M25 and a 200 mile round trip which is not really a day trip! So we see much less of them than we did.

I feel as if I am on a protracted holiday here and feel homesick for where we used to live and keep looking on Rightmove to find a house back there. It is making me feel very sad and a bit lost and I don't quite know what to do about it.

I think DH would be hard to persuade to move back there and I don't know if it would be fair to pressure him or even if it would be the right thing to do. But I need to do something to shake off these blues. I am normally very upbeat and positive and just don't know what to do.

I can only sympathise but not offer much comfort to you. It would seem your D thought more about herself than you in encouraging the move. That is not a criticism, she probably didn't think it through enough.
I can see the problem you have with your H but you must tell him how you feel. A word of warning here though, you may be building up how happy you were before, things will have changed and it is hard to move back to a previous life. Sorry to be negative, just pointing out both sides of the picture. Sometimes we have to come to terms with life as it is and try to improve it.

number I have to admit to understanding your husband's grumpiness. I wish for both your sakes that he could be made more comfortable. Having a decent meal to look forward to is for some patients a must. How on earth does he cope at the moment. Is he on a glucose drip? Do please listen to us lot...you need to conserve your precious energy.

annsixty Our old family photos are thin on the ground. As you say, film was expensive when our parents were young. Today's young folk take pictures every day. The sad thing is...will they remember to save and have a few special images printed for the next generation.

kittylester Sainsbury will no doubt have something to please your palette.

The photo is of our granddaughter (with a hole in her heart) and her lovely Dutch partner. They have attended a wedding in Holland and next year, it will be their turn.

Gagagran Your message was written from the heart. I understand how lost and "alone" you are feeling right now. I agree with annsixty's comment regarding your daughter's encouragement to up-sticks. I also agree that you should talk to your husband and tell him what you have told us. You are depressed. Depression is horrible. I've been there. Could you also open up your heart to your daughter? I find it almost impossible to understand why you haven't been invited into her home for two years. I call that heartless (and a bloody cheek) too.
Do you feel up to consulting your GP? I still think that you should first talk to your husband. Perhaps he has no idea how sad and lonely you are feeling. If indeed he does, then he should support and comfort you.
I wish that I had an answer to your predicament. Please stay with us. Although us lot are virtual friends we do care. You do matter.

Gaga, I was sad to read that too. Feeling down doesn't help you to plan things either. I'm sure your daughter had good intentions and was probably thinking of a time when one of you might be on your own and would need her help. At the moment she sees you busy with your activities and isn't worried about you, I totally agree with Ann60, too. Whereas you were happy before, things might have changed and you wouldn't be returning to how things were. I'd say concentrate on where you are now. A lot of the South Coast is lovely. Can you join a walking group, or both of you walk together along the downs (depending on where you live)? The WI and choir will keep you busy, or find something else to join. At this stage it probably is just acquaintances, but they can become friends. Invite someone back for coffee, if you feel able to. Join a class of something that interests you. Do a bit more with your husband. And as someone said, I would actually have a word with your daughter. Be honest and say you had hoped to see more of them. You appreciate how they don't like you calling round unexpectedly but for goodness sake, if you phone first, wouldn't that do? Or make an actual date. And invite them to you. But let her know you feel a bit sad about things in general. I don't feel moving back would be the right answer, but you need to improve the status quo. Also you need to feel more upbeat. It's difficult when you are feeling blue and if you think this could be a clinical depression then you need to see the doc. I think from what you say, though, that you are just feeling regretful about the move, annoyed (understandably) with your daughter and just need to try and improve things hopefully by talking to her, and by changing or adding to things you do socially. I really hope it works out.

I have just put half a leg of lamb in the oven and made onion sauce and I couldn't help but think of numbers poor H having liquid poured down a tube for his sustenance. Mind you I have very little appetite myself but GD is coming for dinner and lamb is her favourite. I am going to treat myself to a small glass of red tonight, my first for 6 weeks.

Thanks soop and Bella. I have just had a good heart to heart with DH and told him my feelings and how I feel unsettled living here and he does understand. He also knows what our DD is like. She has never been an affectionate daughter - a bit of a cold fish truth to tell although an excellent Mum to our DGC.

My DS is quite different and is very affectionate and seems to like being with us. I think I would like to be nearer him and DDiL and DGDs actually but I had hoped that moving here would make DD and I have a closer and warmer relationship. Well it hasn't and I am coming to terms with that!

I am not depressed - far from it - just mixed up about my homesickness for where we used to live. I know it will have changed in some ways but so have we! There is a welsh word for the feeling I have - "hiraeth". Maybe it's just an acute attack and will ease slowly as time goes on.

DH and I have a series of theatre trips to Chichester Festival theatre booked.We enjoy being together.He helps me at WI by putting tables and chairs out - and away again at the end and he will help me through this one way or another! Can't do a lot of walking these days due to joint problems but we do the garden together.He is much more grounded about all this than I am but he does understand me after all this time together.

If we make any decisions I'll report back. It has helped writing it down and talking to DH.

Gaga Your husband understands. He's a good man. Enjoy Chichester. It's a beautiful place and frequent trips to the theatre will be the tonic that you need and deserve.

You have half solved your problem Gaga by telling your husband just how you feel and him responding so positively. You are lucky with him , my own H would have listened but not understood. If you start to do more things together that will be good,but if you feel it would help by moving nearer to your S and family instead of moving back to your old life that could be a good move. Just work out very carefully if the same situation could happen and take into account their own long term plans.

annsixty is very wise.

The Davis Cup match isn't going our way at the moment. I still hope that our man can turn things around.

The sun is shining. I also need a wee, therefore I shall say farewell until tomorrow.

gagagran your post is very close to my heart. We moved and downsized to be closer to part of our family, taking care to settle in a place that was right for us, bearing in mind their lives may take them elsewhere at some point. The picture in my head was shared by Mr C, we didn't share it with family and soon discovered their picture was very different. They have busy work and social lives, neither included us, so the family time we had pictured just didn't materialise. I felt bereft for a long while. I had left a lovely home, familiarity and friends as well as a fulfilling career. I was angry and hurt as well as very lonely, new activities and acquaintances didn't fill the gap. Mr C and I talked it over, the way around it for us was to offer to be involved in the lives of our grandchildren. To be taxi when it helped, to take some of the pressure off their Mum with some after school pickups, to childmind so their parents have an even better social life . It made a subtle but helpful difference in that by offering we feel an element of control and by taking the children home we get some natural, relaxed time with their parents, or often one parent. It feels so much better. The other thing we do is invite them all for a meal now and again, not too often to feel intrusive, it also makes it more of a treat for them. We know they aren't being deliberately unkind, they do care and if we had a problem they would help, it's just that life is different for them and expectations were not the same. I am so pleased you have talked it through with your husband, now you can find ways to make things better together. Ann is very wise, if you were to go closer to your son and his family there is no guarantee they would stay in the same area forever, I also wonder how your daughter would react. You've made a beginning. I know you will find your way. It's natural to look back to the familiar but of course we can never really go back so onwards is the only direction. Or that's what I tell myself on less sanguine days. I wish you luck and send hugs and .

Now a weather report. Tomorrow windows are being removed, it is forecast to rain
- hard! Once this is all done I predict a drought .

Thank you all for your kind words of reassurance re my granddaughter and her holey heart! Your photo of your dgd soop, is great. I've seen my dgd today and she is very relaxed about it all so we are all feeling positive.
Gaga I'm sorry that you feel so unsettled but what a lovely husband you've got!
Number
Ann Enjoy that red wine

Evening all!!

No idea where the days are going !! Lots to catch up on!

I totally understand the whole 'exhausted at big school ' meltdowns Kitty . For the first times at swimming Jackson asked to get out after 40 mins. He's struggling and I truly think 4 is too young for all day every day.

Hope your back is feeling better * Bags*

We're in Essex too Milly just a few showers here . You must have got our share.

Glad you enjoyed your lunch Charley

No id isn't go to Transformers Corner but I am advised it was the best day EVER !!! Lol

Sorry soop we were too busy chuckling at Coop to get a picture. He's currently got good company as both he and Jackson now have tonsillitis . Mind you Cooper was well enough to eat his weight in popcorn yesterday !

I'm sure I've missed lots of posts, but sending you a hug if you need one and wine if you don't

DH finally got his family birthday lunch today and really seemed to enjoy it! Because so many people were driving/breastfeeding/on antibiotics for something or other they only had token sips of the very good bottle of Heidsieck (sp?) champagne I had unearthed, however, let nobody say I shirk my duty when it comes to the shampoo!!
I have now got a splitting headache and it serves me right! Basil arrived , made straight for Grace's dish and polished off her lunch without her even noticing!! She often doesn't eat her meals right away, but she'll learn in time! The dogs were very content with each other and no trouble at all.
We had roast leg of lamb, braised celery, baby carrots, roasties followed by lemon tart and raspberries and for a "birthday cake" I had made an apricot and polenta cake with crushed pistachios. No flour at all (ground almonds) so presumably not fattening
I am hoping number's DH is making progress and that you number are still holding up.You will need all your strength.
Shame about the tennis, but we can't win everything all of the time can we?
Wishing everybody a peaceful night and a good week.

Lovely pics, Soop and N&G.

Hubby still not good, feeding line going up tomorrow. When he had one last year, they told him to be glad he couldn`t taste it, apparently it tastes vile!

Hope the feeding line process is straightforward number, fingers crossed for you both. Take care.

You couldn't have a headache is a better cause daphne, the cake sounds wonderful and of course not fattening .

Good Morning all.

Back to normal here !

Daphne please , please invite me for lunch next time . Not only can I help you with the bubbles but your menu sounds delicious !!! I hope DH enjoyed it too !!

Number taking away the pleasure of eating ( no matter how good the reason) is so sad. I hope this is a brief interlude and your husband can soon enjoy proper food. How are you doing? I know you'll say fine but I just wanted to ask because I am sure life is super tough at the moment .so consider yourself hugged !!

Gagagran I've read your posts now and I'm so sad for you . But your husband sounds like he has listened and can now help you both come up with a solution.

Your situation makes me a little scared too because Grampy and I are actually planning on moving further away from our daughters and their families. Partly necessity and partly choice and I wonder how we'll manage because moving back to this part of the world will not be possible once we take the leap. Of course we'd have to sell the damn house first and that seems less likely by the minute LOL

Anyway, not sure what today holds but hope you all have a good one x

My stairlift is playing up! It's reluctant to come downstairs. I rang the firm last week and the earliest they could come is today.
At 8.20 the engineer phoned to say that due to an accident on the motorway he couldn't come today!
This is the only day I'm free this week!
I'm furious. The lift is only a few months old and cost £4500
What can I do?

Galen, What? I'm furious for you. Afraid I have no experience with these lifts and so am sure my thoughts will not be too helpful as they seem pretty basic. Think my first port of call would be the customer service manager (or dis-service in this case), or more senior if you can find a name for a major rant - I would at least feel a little better then. The engineer's calls can surely be re-vamped to ensure he or she can get to you as you have already waited all weekend. Do they have a customer charter, is there a service level agreement? Penalties for breaking it? If the worst comes to the worst is there someone you would trust with a key for tomorrow? Getting down is obviously a safety issue, I know you have had help before so perhaps this can happen again, but it just isn't on. Others who have lifts will come along with more sensible thoughts I am sure, just wish I could magic a repair engineer for you.

Well unless he personally had the accident I think that is totally unacceptable. I assume the lift is under guarantee? You need to up the emotional blackmail. Disabled elderly (ouch, sorry! ) lady trapped upstairs/downstairs,their negligence etc etc etc. Plus use Twitter, it worked wonders for me getting my refund/compensation/choccies as apology from Waitrose.

sounds as if I need to understand Twitter daphne, have just been told my pain medication is unavailable until at least 23rd October - supplier issues. Oh help.

I can't see why he couldn't have taken the Newport road between Cardiff and Newport then on to Magor then back on the M4 to me.

Suspect he has dtiched you as his first call and gone on to the next one. Definitely not acceptable.

Name and shame on FB, amazing how fast they get back to you, big companies clearly spend more time on FB than they do reading their emails.