Is it just me or is this quite bizarre??

My dh had a Humanist funeral. It was OK and the celebrant, if that's the right word, read out the words I had written. It was in a Crematorium as discussed in my last post. I agree that some crematoriums can be grim, but this one is in beautiful grounds with flowers and trees.

My husband was a non-beliver, but our sons told me that he had talked about Humanism with them and they arranged the funeral.

I think it is important that the funeral is in accordance with the deceased wishes.

My mum was a devout RC and so I arranged a Catholic Mass and my mum's coffin was taken to the church overnight, which was her wish.

I'm not thinking about what would be best for me but what would be best for the family I will leave behind. Some crematoria are so grim (and I won't name names) that I wouldn't dream of inflicting those on my dearest. A woodland burial sounds just the job and a humanist celebrant - I've heard some simply awful clergymen!

I've known of one green burial but the place looks lonesome. I want to be with my dh in the Book of Remembrance and near to my mum and dad all in a city cemetery.

When my dh passed away I asked all the "guests" to buy some flowers and place them on his coffin. It was a very moving experience to see all the people who had known and loved him paying their respects in this way.

The undertakers kept the flowers and put them in the flower garden but I was too upset to look at them properly.

My Dad was Albert but hated the name, he was Bert to everyone and corrected anyone who called him Albert. The priest called him that at his funeral and it gave me a smile as I imagined the coffin opening, him sitting up and saying " It's Bert!!!! ". Dear old boy.

I am going to look into a green burial, anyone any experience?

Perhaps if we were all more in tune with what happened to our loved ones – and ourselves – after death, it wouldn't be so fearsome for so many. I don't mean that it would take away the fear of painful or prolonged dying – and that haunts many of us – but it would give us food for thought and a starting point for those difficult conversations with our spouses and children. I have visited a crematorium and also knew someone who worked there and delighted in telling horrendous stories. I have always felt that burial is, in some way, more natural. However, I think Mr absent is more inclined towards cremation – posthumously, of course.

In the 1980s I worked for a company whose business was "scrubbing" industrial emissions to remove unwanted odours using a series of filters and chemical sprays. I remember doing a job on a crematorium somewhere in Berkshire where they wanted us to remove the burning smell from the chimney as the smoke was drifting over a nearby housing estate. It was a technically difficult job which took months to install and cost over £130k (a lot of money in the 80s). We went back about 6 months after the installation to check on it and found that they had stopped using it. The reason? As well as removing the burning smell, our filters removed 90% of the smoke and the crematorium received dozens of complaints from mourners fearing that their loved ones had not been properly cremated because the smoke was not visible. Sometimes you just can't win.

Digressing slightly, the oddest job I remember from when I worked with that company, was being asked to remove the smell of fresh bread baking which was escaping from a bakery and permeating into a shopping mall. Can't imagine why they didn't like it.

The council has today removed the crematorium from its Doors Open programme out of respect for the families who have suffered as a result of practices and the timing of the report. Pity they didn't think of this sooner but at least it's done now.

I don't see it as necessarily ghoulish. It could help to understand the whole process.
After all we will all one day have to be disposed of.
With my parents who died 2months apart the undertaker (a respected local business in our town with a reputation to uphold ) advised us not to buy an extravagent coffin.

I won't be going either. It's my local crematorium. Even passing the sign makes me think of all my family and friends whose funerals I have attended. Too sad.

my dad wore the suit he made about 50 years before- he never put any weight in his life- and he loved dressing elegantly and was very proud of his neat and very professional finish (pun not intended).

Niece is still alive in our hearts........lovely lady.

Elegran - I arranged my dad's funeral and the decision was made that he would be dressed in his "well known" clothes. It was great to see my dad as he had been again. It was sad because he looked so well! If that is possible. I am pleased that I did that.

Oh wot

My niece was in her wedding dress, a red shot silk.

Sounds like someone's idea of an up-market shroud! Maybe they have a cupboard full?

When DH was cremated, the undertakers asked us to bring in some clothes to put on him. I took in clothes which he had liked and worn often and which were instantly recognisable as his. He looked very familiar in them, much better than a business suit from the back of his wardrobe that he hadn't worn since he retired, which would have turned him into a stranger.

I only ask as when I went to 'view' mother she was arrayed in a peach silk thing which the undertaker must have supplied as I'm sure she never had anything so tacky in her wardrobe. She would have hated it.

So what does the fashionable corpse wear to his or her own cremation? Jean and T- shirt, that little black dress or something more exotic?

Not legally allowed where I live- but I have spoken to the undertaker- local untreated fir (the paints/lacquers are terribly polluting) and sacking lining. He thought I was mad - but he did agree in the end. And wild flowers from the fields or none if in winter.

Glasgow have open days too and one year they had Craigton Crematorium on the list. I had lost 2 people special to me in the previous few months and I thought it was an horrible idea. No-one of my family were cremated in Craigton but still I thought it was a step too far

My family are under strict instructions to shove me in a cardboard box and give me the cheapest cremation they possibly can, I won't be there to care!

especially when made from precious wood from rain forests- and clad with expensive silks, etc. There is a lot of pressure on families from undertakers to buy 'the best out of respect for loved ones' which is intolerable, I feel.

over 20 years ago I had the task of assisting our local crem in sourcing, installing and supporting an IT system, hardware and software. I did find it all fascinating but did shed a tear when it came to discussing babies and children. Anyhow when it came to supporting the hardware it ended up always being me who attended, as subsequent staff couldn't cope! Ok the computer operating system did become outdated for a number of years but the main reason for their reticence was the dust...which was everywhere! they just couldn't get past where it might have come from.

did you know pace makers have to be removed by the undertakers as they would blow the cremators or retorts up.

in some crematoriums they are using the very high heat emissions to heat the chapels.

what i cant understand is loved ones paying extortionate prices for fancy coffins only to have them burnt!

I think the issue with the babies is that parents were lied to.

I don't really equate a crematorium with a graveyard, which I do quite like to wander round. For me, there isn't the personal side of it, crematoria are just big processing plants, and I can't imagine going to one to contemplate on life.

Yes, I also love the Glasgow Necropolis. My family are buried in the Birmingham equivalent [I say equivalent but it's all run down and falling to pieces now ].

Disgruntled, that is worrying you found your local cancer ward so depressing. Cancer patients are usually better looked after those with other life threatening illnesses, and the hospice where I volunteer is inspirational in the way patients are valued and supported.