Generous or greedy

easy solution dont buy so much wine / alchohol and get extra cheese and ice cream when they visit!

From what I read is that your kids are behaving perfectly normal and feel very much at home when visiting you, I dont see them as being mean or greedy.

We always use `the pot` idea except we call it ` the kitty` . It means everyone can eat/drink what they like without worrying . It sounds as if your hospitality is being taken for granted a little silver .

It's the physical help that I welcome more than monetary contributions and that's why the sons in law organise the drinks (DH'S job!!) but dds tend to organise lunch and doing the table etc for dinner.

My three children live long distances from each other and we all visit and stay over when possible. We all go out and buy food, wine etc or bring it with us. I visit my children's homes the most and never spend less than I would for my own home. Some of the nicest meals we have are when everyone is together and each family has made something nice to eat to share.

On Christmas Day if any of the family spend it together the adults are all busy, cooking, organising the table, tidying up etc. There is lots of discussion beforehand of what each family is making. It works for us, there is not one person having to cater for everyone else.

It isn't too hard to speak to your children Silverlining and tell them it would be helpful if they can contribute to the food and wine when they visit. Let them know while you love them staying it's hard work and expensive having to supply it all on your own.

Although I would have thought they would enjoy doing a food shop and finding all the different and interesting foods and drink when they come to stay.
I like doing a few food shops when we go to stay with the DC (but, then again, I am mother )

Thank you for all your thoughts. They reflect the mixture of feelings I have myself. Some of the boys buy food and wine while they are here and contribute like that. Others still actt like children......and knowingly so I think! They actually enjoy reverting to being children again, regardless of age or income!
All in all, each one is here for quite a short time and we like spoiling them a bit. It's just getting the balance in my mind between 'giving' and 'being taken for granted'. As Kittylester says, it's a compliment that they come and feel at home here. I wouldn't want to spoil that.
If it becomes too expensive to do all the providing I think Petra's idea of a pot is a good one.

Yes FarNorth has nailed it!
We live in rural France too, and have seen the same scenario as you,*Siverlining*.We have 4, mixed birth and stepchildren.
We usually have a good store of wine in the barn, and 3 freezers stocked up with food, so they used to think it's all for them. They don't realise we go all the way to Toulouse for our meat and wine, and only stock up twice a year.
After a few hints they now buy their own wine and always make a big contribution to the food. They also do a lot of the cooking now.
We love having them to stay, wish they could come more often.

FarNorth hits the nail on the head!

My OH always has a problem talking money, I don't. When we lived abroad and family and friends would visit I would say straight away: ok, this is how it works. Here is the pot, we put in so much money, when that's gone, we put in some more, simples, everyone knows where they stand and no resentment on our part and no wondering on their part, ie, I fancy some more wine.

I would ask them to go shopping as you have a headache, bone in your leg or whatever. Give them a shopping list including a dozen bottles of wine but no money and don't offer any on their return. If they present you with the bill just say you thought they might like to contribute to the group expenses for the stay ...

I agree with dramatictessa, they are just thoughtless, used to parents providing for them. Maybe a quiet word about the cost of living and reduced exchange rate etc.

I might say neither mean or greedy. Agree with FarNorth. When my group come home, I have some rules, such as tell me if you want something from the fridge, in case it is part of the evening meal to come. But on the other hand, they can hekp themselves to what is in the freezer and on the treat shelf etc and treat the house as your home even if you did not live here growing up.

Our children and their partners are like that but don't stay as long. I take it as a compliment that they feel comfortable with us. And, it saves us doing it.

You're not being mean, but I doubt they think they are being greedy, as this sounds like a habit which has never been challenged and has developed over the years. You could talk to them and ask them to contribute, or alternatively just don't have so much available when they come. Take them shopping with you when you re-stock and say you'll pay for half, or just tell them you can't afford to pay for it all. They are just continuing to behave like your children - the fact that they are adults doesn't automatically mean they will always think in an adult fashion!

They are reverting to being thoughtless children in their parents' home.