My forgetful friend

Glad to hear that Nina, as you say, 25 years is a long time and I suppose sounding off on GN is the best thing to do.

lizzypopbottle your suggestions of passwords have left me completely cross eyed! We are all so very different in the way we do things aren't we! In fact, post stroke I don't do things in the same way that I used to, it is really weird!

Shysal I also have an elderly friend who 'pops' all the time but the funniest thing is that she seems to be completely oblivious. If DGC are with us they are in absolute kinks about it! DH reckons she does it so much that all the hot air enables her to 'rise above it'.

Sorry, I fail to see how that cones across as being annoyed. I was just relaying the facts. BlueBelle

You know ninathenana , you sound as if you are getting really annoyed with your friend Why would you get cross with her for asking if you'd got her text that you didn't answer? it's not her party why should she remember where you are I really think you are making a bit of a mountain out of this .... accept her as she is, forgetful or not if you want the relationship to continue. I really can't understand why she needs to remember all your happenings I find it blooming hard remembering my own events let alone someone else's diary

I fell over and banged my head hard a year ago and I was warned at the A&E I might have something called Post Concussion Syndrome which can last a couple of years. It can cause short term memory loss and make balance when walking a bit dodgy.

After hiding away for a bit I started telling people about it when I forget things - last week, for example, amongst other things, I couldn't remember what the fruit drink I make every day for my breakfast is called (smoothie). I forget names. I think if I make a joke of it my friends and neighbours won't think I'm losing my marbles. If they don't like it they are not my friends.

It is certainly not her hearing. The exchanges were made through text messages.
We, messaged about it Thursday and she text me yesterday whilst I was at the party to ask her usual "What you up too" I didn't reply as we were eating lunch. She text me twice after that "did you get my text" when I did reply I reminded her where I was. "Oh yeah, ok"

Shysal that's hilarious !

I am so like your friend nina. It certainly isn't because I'm not interested, it's just that I'm not a 'details' person in any walk of life. I get very annoyed with myself, and often think other people must see me as completely self absorbed. A recent conversation was a revelation though - one of my friends was talking about an old mutual friend and remembered details about members of their family; I remembered all the things we had done together. Also, I remember how people say they feel about a situation, but not the details of the situation itself e.g. another friend hates change but has had a few new jobs over the last couple of years. She has forgotten completely that she was totally fed up at the start of each job, and hasn't learnt that she will probably be fine with her latest one once she gets over the newbie stage. I can remember clearly just how badly she reacted. Basically we all have different types of memory facilities and your friend is probably not doing anything to deliberately hurt you.

I have disciplined myself to sit in the hairdressers and put a reminder in my phone for my next appointment. I've forgotten to go so many times in the past. It's very embarrassing! ?

jenpax you can get a kitchen timer that hangs round your neck. Set it to 5 minutes if you're leaving a pan on the cooker. You can have the same pin for all your cards and, if your password is secure, you can use the same one for everything. You can make up a password from numbers and letters using a book.
For example:

1. turn down the corner of three different pages from 1 to 5. I used John Francombe's Deadly Finish for this example.

2. Use the page number e.g. 2 and the first 2 letters on that page e.g. ha (have), and do the same for the other pages e.g. 4 Ithi (I think) 5 Aquil (Aquiline). The password would be 2ha4Ithi5Aquil. Or you could use 245haIthiAquil. The turned down corners remind you which page, the page numbers tell you which letters. There's a mix of letters, capital and lower case, and numbers and that one is 15 characters. If you wanted different passwords for different sites, you could make a note on the flyleaf of each book. Keep the books handy. It would have to be a burglar reading this on GN to work it out, starting with who you are, where you live and which book!

If you use a smart phone you can set a reminder using the clock or calendar apps to remind you with an audible alarm when you have an appointment. You can choose how far in advance you want the warning e.g. the day before, an hour before etc. Just make sure you keep the phone handy!

I think we all get a bit forgetful as we age, and it's not necessarily anything to do with dementia.
My daughter always rolls her eyes when I embark on a tale or joke which I've told her before, but she too often repeats herself, and she's only 29!

It annoys me when people assume that poor memory is not being bothered! I have a very poor memory and it is due to stress and having a lot of various responsibilities both at work and home! It means that I forget things that impact on me as well as others! I am too young for dementia and my GP has said stress related but it leads to me forgetting I have put a pan on to boil, regularly forgetting various PIN numbers and pass words, missed medical appointments, burnt food and even forgetting something some one said to me a few minutes before! Do not assume that bad memory is deliberate!!!

GrannyBing you're bang on the nail there - I often fail to hear the detail of what I'm being told even if I get the general drift, and as it seems to cause offence to query it I tend to nod agreement and shut up. I know DH and several friends mumble and I cant hear them clearly even when I manoeuvre in front of them to try and lip read, but nothing I say makes them speak clearly, they seem to think I'm just being difficult. Mumblers of the world please read and change your ways, it takes two to communicate!

I agree Daphne! I'm always telling DH that I'm fed up being used as his memory!

exalted wombat - I don't know where you are coming from but that was uncalled-for.

Men don't NEED to remember things. That's what they have wives for

I don't think it's that the things you tell her aren't important enough to remember. I sometimes have to tell DH about things that directly affect him (appointments etc.) several times. And no, it's not dementia. He's been the same for 30+ years! I once worked with a woman who emailed her husband things she wanted him to remember. People's brains work differently.

You really shouldn't try to make this about YOU. Grow a little self-confidence.

Hi ninathenana My late mother-in-law had no sign of dementia when she died aged 90. When my children were little, 30 years ago, she would often ask me about something I'd literally just told her and it used to irritate me beyond words but eventually I decided it didn't matter. I accepted it and resolved simply to tell her again. That helped me to feel calmer about it. One day, when she did it for the umpty-ninth time and I patiently began again, she said, "Oh! Liz, I'm sorry. You just told me that, didn't you?"

You love your friend (presumably) so forgive her, in your mind, and tell her again the news that didn't register first time. You'll feel so much better ?

I have also recently seen a TV news bite with a woman GP about HRT and how menopause can wreak havoc with brain fog.

I wonder if your friend is a bit deaf but doesn't realise it? I don't always catch what people say if I'm not concentrating 100% or I'm distracted. It can be embarrassing when people think you've heard them, but actually you haven't. I remember reading about a working lady who missed news/gossip that colleagues had got married, were pregnant etc. because she hadn't realised that her hearing was failing.

My memory is awful lately which annoys me because it was always a good one when I was working. I did read somewhere that multi tasking is the cause of memory loss, and all those years that I raised my children went to work and did the usual household stuff has not done it any good, so now I try to concentrate on one thing at a time.

I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis and it has messed up my life. Among the many symptoms is 'foggy brain'. I comfort myself that I haven't lost memories but get very frustrated when I can't remember a word or something I know well disappears for a while. I can be thinking of something regularly and keep ow all the words , often names of things, but the
Then can't recall when mentioning it to DH.
It's an autoimmune issue and more common than people realise. One of many unfortunately.

I used remember all conversations, even location, so feel like I've aged. And just 60 now.

I suppose I'm really saying that irritating as it may be to you that your friend may not be 'not othered/interested'
enough to remember. She may just need a prompt.
Ageing an be very frustrating.

She may well have her mind on something that is stressing her at present, when I am feeling poorly I find it hard to concentrate on other people's concerns. At my worst memory lapses I blame chemo brain fog.
I have always had a problem with remembering faces and am well known for walking past extended family in he Street.

When I was working outside of the home, the days were easily distinguished from each other and I could recall my work-day and whatever I did when back at home in the evening.

About 4 years ago, I started working from home for the same firm. Each day is sort of the same now as I don't have the personal interaction with them, it's all digital. So if I want to recall something, it's in an email or document. I do not 'have' to remember. I think it's contributed to not keeping events or conversations in mind.

I also study via DL and when in a course, I can remember daily assignment material, no problem. When a course finishes, those daily markers of time disappear!

Maybe it's because as we get older the memory banks get a bit full? For me, it's the sameness of the days. Of course I'd rather be out and about, travelling, meeting up with people more often. Right now we have some commitments that keep my husband busy here, so I am filling my time with work and study.

Am I self-boring with all this sameness and is that making me forgetful of daily life?

I would. My mother was like that. "When is your birthday?", she'd say to me, I know your DS's is on 11th" Mine is 4 days later!

I find other people are so busy telling me about themselves that they only give me 10 minutes to talk about me, and them promptly forget what I have been distressed about. Their problems are for me to remember, but the reverse isn't true.

On the other hand, I get so easily hurt with slights, real or perceived, it isn't funny.