I was just horrified

In Laos it is the done thing to give money. There is a special box, all decorated with flowers where you post your invitation back with a sun
M of money. The going rate is $5 per family but only if you can afford it. The money usually goes towards building their first house. Been to a few.

Definitely cancel the cheque and don't go to the wedding The last wedding I attended the bride and groom who had lived together some time said they had everything they needed and would everyone pleas give to their favourite charity in their name Much much nicer

Maggiemaybe, a girl after my own heart. Well said

When I was young, it was the custom in Scotland to have a 'show of presents' at the bride's home, some days before the wedding. I remember helping out on several occasions. There was nothing to stop several guests all sending the same gift - four sets of fish knives and forks; enough towel sets to equip a household for half a century. I suppose that's where the idea of wedding lists came from. Rather than ask for cash, DS and DiL asked friends to send vouchers for appropriate stores.

Rude and presumptuous.

Maggiemaybe I just love your response!

I love Maggiemaybe's answer! What a rude couple. I would not have attended.

What?!

Neither of the ones I went to had post-boxes though I know they are a popular idea. The wedding planner was going around collecting cards (presumably containing cash/cheques) from guests. You would need to trust this person

Dear Mr and Mrs Entitled. Thank you so much for your letter of appreciation for the gift of money we sent in celebration of your nuptials. Of course we are only too happy to adjust the amount to better reflect the value of our friendship. We have therefore cancelled our previous inadequate cheque and now enclose one special shiny penny. Enjoy! Kind regards, Mr and Mrs Extremely Disgruntled Ex Friends

Definitely very very bad manners Antonia. I agree.

I must admit it's scary leaving a hundred pounds plus at a wedding, but the last three or four we have attended have post boxes to drop the envelope in, (sometimes with a padlock). It often occurs to me that light fingered waiters could help themselves too.
Charleygirl, why would the present ve given solely to the bride in advance? That's very rude to the groom not including him.

Lillie, I don't know why they gave the money before the wedding, but we have sent gifts before a wedding took place, although we have never been asked for cash. In our day, you sent a gift of your own choosing. Then 'wedding lists' came in, and now it seems that expectations have soared in what seems to me to be a distasteful and rather greedy manner. For me, though, this was quite the worst example of expectations overcoming good manners.

There was a similar thread to this on Mumsnet recently which ran and ran! 'Have you stopped the cheque yet?' became rather the 'in' phrase and kept popping up at random but yes the comments were very similar to the ones above...

idiots! - clearly not the brightest sparks.

Lillie the last two weddings I attended the request was for gifts of cash. I sent cards with cheques in for both. I posted them to arrive a couple of days before the weddings as cards are so easy to loose in all the furore of the day.

I have never heard of anything so rude as telling someone their gift doesn't come up to scratch. I would have cancelled the cheque and stayed home.

My understanding is that money is a gift and gifts are given to the bride long before the wedding day.

It would appear that one can no longer give a toaster, it would be more like contributing towards a new fitted kitchen.

Why did your DD and SiL send the money before attending the wedding? Normally it is handed to the couple on the day. What if the wedding had been called off? Sounds very strange to me.

That is so rude!!!!!! Wedding loose their meaning when they are all about show.

I wouldn't have wanted to go to the wedding after that. Glad they didn't upgrade, tho!

All of the above!

Greedy, tacky, and presumptuous. They have no class, and should not expect people to pay for their wedding even in a round about way.If they cannot afford it, they should do it in a different way. Very Vulgar.

OMG I also would have stopped the cheque and also said a few well chosen words. That really is rude.

A friend of mine was diagnosed with ca breast in its very early stages and after treatment etc this year she wanted to make a donation and was told the amount-£100! They would not have received a penny from me. I am not sure if the £100 was the minimum. Charities end up with zilch if I am told what to give and it would be ditto with weddings.

I agree, Daphne one is not going to turn up in one's gardening clothes for a wedding.

Bl**dy H*ll!! I'd have stopped the cheque! That takes the proverbial biscuit.
If you can't afford a big wedding don't have one. Added to the "gift" (entry fee?) yiu have to factor in the cost of attending a wedding which can easily add up to £500 or more - probably new outfit(s) or hire thereof, travel, overnight accommodation etc etc.

How rude