Caught out by last-minute Christmas etiquette!

I agreed many years ago that I would not be exchanging gifts with 2 friends in the future. I never knew what to buy either of them and it was a worry to me. One is fine and we do not exchange cards as we are frequently on the phone to each other but the other friend still give me gifts each year and yesterday when she rang me there was a sarky comment about me never giving presents. I had made my reasons clear years ago and I will not give in. She even grumbles about the amount of gifts she has to buy!

last year (and the years before) I have asked/told/hinted etc etc to one of my friends in a nice manner "not to buy gifts for my 2 grandsons (one whos now now 10 and one 2 yrs) but does she listen! nope! the first time I did end up buying something back which she said I really shouldnt have done.

Anyway the last 2 n half years I was on a very much reduced income of £73 a week...The friend still insisted on buying presents giving money etc etc , so in the end I just thought "nope" I am not being bamboozled into buying gifts for friends grandchildren who I never see never have any contact with.(Friend does see mine now n then when she visits)

This year was different, I have been working since August and I have more funds, but even so I do not like being forced into buying gifts.My money is precious (and my job may be coming to an end after the New year) Even though the friend has bought presents YET AGAIN!! I have not and will not be buying gifts in return..yes may sound selfish, but after having very little money to live on and treat my own family and grandson I don't feel like doling it out on others who I have no connection with.

So no don't let others make you feel guilty.

I'm wondering why she texted you to let you know in advance. Maybe I am cynical, but was it so you had forewarning to give you the chance to dash to the shops and buy pressies for her grandchildren?

I wouldn't reciprocate at all, except to tell her how kind it is, and ensure that she gets a thank you note from the DGC. We made it clear years ago that we were only buying for the DGC and no adults, but my brother has always continued to buy for us, which I find a bit embarrassing, but we are sticking to our guns. If we start buying for him then we would have to buy for my sister, and then she would feel obliged to buy for us and so it would go on. Very tricky.

Many years ago my neighbour had 2 children and I had 5. With Christmas coming up I took the opportunity a couple of months before to say "Can I say it now? Merry Christmas but no presents." It was easy for me to say as I had the bigger family and she was probably rather relieved.

What a very kind neighbour. I hope your GC enjoy the gifts and send thank you notes.

Stick a fiver each in a card for the children and have a 'no presents' agreement for next year. Sorted.

(Check the fiver's not one of those new ones worth twenty grand first though.)

I'm definitely getting grumpy regarding Christmas presents! So I would simply thank your friend and get the children to send a thank you note.

A very nice thought on her part though ..... My DILs mother always sends something for my GS (whom she's only met once). I've never reciprocated with her grandchildren because I barely know them.

I've received unexpected gifts from two neighbours this year but have not dashed out to reciprocate. We've not exchanged gifts before but if they really want to give me something I'm not going to throw it back at them Obviously I've thanked them but I will find some point during the next few weeks to say I only give presents to immediate family and hope no one is offended.

It's tempting to reciprocate but I'm learning not to in these circumstances. Is it mean? I don't think so. It means more if you're not pushed into it - and I'm afraid I don't like being pushed. It's also pretty obvious if you suddenly rush off to get a gift - unless you have a good excuse of course. Getting older is making me a bit more bolshi than I used to be

Well, I find doing what Emily did sounds like it makes for less thrashing about opening boxes and stuff when trying to get the lunch sorted. It can all get to be a rugby scrum at ours. And with me dashing in and out of the kitchen and missing stuff and told to sit down and open presents. We tried leaving the presents until after lunch, but that got voted down.

I try hard to have all the food done by the time they want to do presents, but then we get distracted and some things get gooky in the warming trays. Don't know what to do, aside from setting an alarm clock to avoid this.

Isn't it a pain when this happens? We had an unexpected visit one Christmas morning from friends (married couple) with whom we never had exchanged gifts - and they had bought us an expensive present EACH! Horrors! While OH gave them a glass of wine I raced upstairs and hastily wrapped a beautiful silk nightie I had bought for myself (grr)and a bottle of OH's favourite whisky, given to him by his boss. Presented them breathlessly saying that I never could remember where I had stashed gifts; why do we do this?

Re: Christmas Etiquette I am about to email my DiL re presents this Christmas. We go for Christmas day every other year. This year it is us and we have given them presents of money, made a financial contribution to the Christmas dinner, so nothing tangible except for a delivery of Narcissi from Cornwall. We are now wondering do we go empty handed on Christmas day with just a box of chocolates and the bread sauce. I am the only one that likes bread sauce so I make my own and they heat it up in the microwave.

How do other grand-netters in this situation manage?

LyndaW, if a neighbour handed in some gifts for my GC I'd be mightily - perhaps surprisingly - touched BUT I certainly wouldn't reciprocate unless it had been my original intention. You might be making a rod for your own back there. Use any future opportunities to show interest and enthusiasm for your neighbour's offspring but let it lie there until you might actually want to indulge them someday. Who knows? Merry Christmas!

How strange, if she's never done it before. I wouldn't worry about reciprocating at such a late stage. Maybe through the year you will see an opportunity to treat them with a little something, but keep away fron Christmas or birthday present for them or it will become a ritual.

Is there a reason lynda? Has your neighbour perhaps spent time with your grandchildren recently? If not I wouldn't reciprocate unless I wanted this to become a ritual but as suggested provide a little treat for your neighbour's grandchildren at another time.

I'd take Lillie's advice but be prepared next year . (Agree about the ritual, but it is understandable for people to want to buy things for the children! )

I agree with ffinochio and Printmiss, it's best to just accept her gifts and reciprocate later. Don't get into the Christmas one upmanship.

I would do as ffinnochio suggests, otherwise it will become a ritual every Christmas, which I assume is something you do not want.

My take on this would be to accept graciously, and then find some other time in the not too distant future to reciprocate her kindness and thoughtfulness. It doesn't have to be much and kids love 'just because' surprises. ?

Grab a couple of selection boxes at local newsagent?