Dividing cafe/restaurant bills.

I'm with Madison on this issue, as I don't drink wine or spirits (just water) and these two items do bump up the bill quite substantially. I usually find a starter and main enough for me so I omit the dessert. I don't think I am being mean in thinking that if the bill is split evenly, that I'm overpaying every single time. It is tricky, but I just have to grin and bear it. It would be nice if one of the party noticed this and let me pay separately, then the others can split the bill evenly. But it can be a minefield. Should I subsidize the lobster eating wine drinkers who finish the meal with a brandy or two?
There should be a better way.....?

Organising meals for my department while I was still working could be a nightmare. These things in particularly irritated me
1) ordering from an advance menu - I would have to make sure I kept a copy as nobody could remember what they had ordered
2) people who would "have to" go home early leaving you with exactly enough for what they ate -so when service was factored in, yep, you're short of a few quid
3) one colleague who was tight with money but always chose the most expensive item (by a long way!) and then "absolutely" agreed we should just divvy up the total by the number of people there
4) people who claimed they should pay less because they only had soft drinks, ignoring the massive mark up on soft drinks in most pubs and restaurants.
No matter how you divvied up the bill there would be that awful business of half of them paying by card, half waving £20 and £10 notes but wanting change and inevitably when it was all done and dusted (or so you thought) you were somehow short and the few who were left always ended up lobbing an extra fiver into the pot.
Nightmare.

Janeainsworth, I think the tables may have been booked in the name of the school.

( Incidentally, his wife is a head teacher!)

Because their friends have to put their hands up if they want to go to the toilet?

How does your friend know which of the clientele are teachers, Daddima?

Those who regard themselves as 'generous' do not seem to understand the irony of their bitter resentment against those who just want to pay a fair share and no more. I can understand some ire toward those who are just plain mean or who flunk paying their way by cheating others. But it is not generous to condemn others without knowing their circumstances.

I remember being told a story by a recently divorced mother who was coerced in a 'friendly' way into going out to dinner with her better off friends. They had the top-of-the-menu choices while she had the cheapest option and no wine because she could only afford those items. Then they divided the bill equally with no thought for her circumstances. Her daughter went without pyjamas because of their selfishness.

Surely it is best to prearrange how the bill is to be split beforehand and to refrain from bitter thoughts about others? Some people are feckless and some prudent and there are whole range of attitudes and habits in between. Whose place is it to judge, especially when it leads to unkind thought towards others?

I speak as one who orders prudently but is happy to contribute extra should that be needed as I feel one should pay one's dues to the party gods in life. I always insist on paying a proper tip, too, as my mother waitressed for a time and I know what a difference it makes to less than generous wages. I have seen my share of freeloaders at the table but try to forget it.

I'd always just split the bill among us. So what if you've to cough up a couple of quid more?
Incidentally, my restaurateur friend tells me teachers are the worst for totting up what everyone has eaten.

my children and I always take in turns to pay when we go out for a meal. I went out with some friends from work a few months ago and got stung for £41 for a main meal and 2 glasses of wine!! suffice to say I won't be going out with them again.

One of my darling daughters-in-law always refuses to let me pay if we go out for a meal. I have tried to beat her to it by handing over my card first but she simply grabs it back and replaces iit with hers. I accept that both she and my son both work and have only one daughter but I'm determined to win the battle one day. When I go out with a girl friend we sometines split the bill and at other times one od us will pay and the other one paye next time. When out with the rest of the family they often pay my share but at my daughter's birthday meal I reminded her that I had her bank account datails so one way or another I was going to pay. ?

Reading your posts reminded me of Douglas Adams, The Hitcherhiker's Guide to the Universe and Bistromathematics

^The most powerful computational force known to parascience. A major step up from the Infinite Improbability Drive, Bistromathics is a way of understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that space was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it was realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants.

The first nonabsolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of people who actually turn up, or to the number of people who subsequently join them after the show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who leave when they see who else has turned up.

The second nonabsolute number is the given time of arrival, which is now known to be one of those most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexclusion, a number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than itself. In other words, the given time or arrival is the one moment of time at which it is impossible that any member of the party will arrive. Recipriversexclusions now play a vital part in many branches of math, including statistics and accountancy and also form the basic equations used to engineer the Somebody Else's Problem field.

The third and most mysterious piece of nonabsoluteness of all lies in the relationship between the number of items on the check, the cost of each item, the number of people at the table and what they are each prepared to pay for. (The number of people who have actually brought any money is only a subphenomenon in this field.)

Numbers written on restaurant checks within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe..^

I live in Canada and here we pay individually. The server comes to the table with separate bills and a portable card reader so we pay by visa/bank card or by cash and include a 15% tip. Easy peasy.

After reading all this I am feeling a bit hard done by! I am veggie so my main meal is usually one of the cheaper, compared to someone who has steak. Also, I don't drink much, never wine. Going out for a meal today, so will have this in mind. We don't eat out often, so although we don't have much money, I just enjoy the company and don't think about the bill.

Equally unless of course the others don't drink then you as the one who does and knows you had far more, insist to and do pay more.

Going out in a foursome with friends we take it in turns.
If we went out in a large group of couples, we would pay for our own meals, drinks, and tip. Don't believe in subsidising those who might take advantage, can't believe the cheek of some people.
Going out with other women, most seem keen to pay for what they had, however it does surprise me at times the reluctance of some to leave a tip.

I'm through with this awkwardness in restaurants so, Immediately upon being seated, I tell our waitress "this will be separate checks, please" and that ends that!

DH and I only really have one other couple we go out to eat with, they live quite a distance from us so when we do meet up it is for a long weekend at least. We always split the bill equally, I don't have alcohol and drive if it is a distance away. My friends DH never has more than a main course but will often have extra sides. Us 3 like our puds so will nearly always indulge, very rare we have a starter.
This couple have some friends (another couple) who we sometimes meet up with - usually they invite themselves along if they know we have planned to go out - they will always get a starter and choose the most expensive main course and they would never skip the pud, she will get herself a bottle of wine too then sit through the entire meal saying "oooh I must go to the gym tomorrow". They always say when the bill comes "are we just splitting it 3 ways?" It is my friends DH and the other DH that are friends after meeting at work, my friend and I don't really like the woman but we have to put up with her, this 3rd couple are quite a bit younger (20 years +) than us 4.

Paying varies. There are three of us who eat out from time to time. We eat more or less the same so we divide the bill equally and round it up to leave a tip. Another friend and I have a coffee together fairly regularly so we take it in turns. With one or two other friends we pay for ourselves. My daughter and I plus another friend got caught out badly with our evening class group a few years ago. We three were not exactly plush but most of the group were. The bill was shared out equally at the end and we three had had a main, dessert and a drink. Others had had three courses, coffees and copious wine. We paid up but had heavily subsidised the better off. Going out with another group at Christmas and end of summer term I'm happy if everyone just shares it out, a bit better off now and can't be bothered penny pinching.

If I have had an expensive drink I ask my friends to take it off the bill and then divide the rest and I then add the drink to my contribution. However sometimes they have had desserts and I haven't so then we divide equally.

Best to go somewhere where there is a set menu and then divide the drinks bill which is not too bad these days as many people drive.
On the question of tips,I was chatting to one of the waitresses in one of the big pizza chains and she said that unless the tips are paid in cash the staff do not get them. If added to the card they go straight to the compamy.I don't know if that is across the board but it seems unfair.

Always divide by the number of people. Which ofcourse works until one gets that one person who continuously orders double whiskies and the like adding so much extra tobthe bill that others begin to get bolshie (talking from experience here at a work do a few years ago!)

amt101. Don't you drink anything at all when you go out? Not even soft drinks or coffee? Often soft drinks can be as expensive as a shared bottle of wine. Speaking as someone who sometimes drinks wine, sometimes only lime & soda but I always still pay the same share as everyone else.

It can be a minefield, but sometimes can be worked out smoothly....one group of friends who go out twice a year, we just divide by the number then add 10% tip....Also when going out for a meal its best to take cash to avoid the debit card thing. One or two of us can add up in our heads so we divide that way.

However I also have a female rellie, she works full time still, has always done so, no children, is a company director and always expects to be paid for - even by retired rellies.

I have lunch every couple of months with a lady who I used to work with. Twice recently we have asked for the bill and she then disappeared off to the cloakroom leaving me to pay since the waitress was standing waiting. Each time she came back and thanked me for treating her! Next time I'll make sure I go to the loo first. Normally speaking I would just split the bill by however many are in the party.

When I go out with a friend we just split the bill and even larger groups I am happy to pay whatever the share is. I do not drink alcohol in any volume so I am paying for someone elses drinks too, that is fine to a certain extent but when the heavy drinker then likes fillet steak and lobster while I am having a bowl of pasta it feels like they are taking the Michael.
Family meals are always paid for by DH even if it is arranged by someone else.

When we come to the UK, I always have to remind my Husband if we are out with anyone else, to buy a round, this isnt the custom in Sweden, and can be very embarassing when DH just accepts everyones drinks, and never offers a round, I think by now he has got the message, although he gets a dig after a while.