Are you an only child?

In many ways I had the best of both worlds. Just one sister 13 years older than me who'd left home by the time I was at school, so I didn't have to share my parents' attention. No pressure from them to succeed - my sister had had that! - but plenty of encouragement to do what I wanted in life. They were very easygoing as I grew up, unlike the strict parents they'd been with my sister when they were much younger. And the age difference hasn't mattered a jot since I grew up - we are very close and I love her to bits. Also, we could support each other when our parents needed help in their later years.

Still, even though I had loads of friends as a child, I envied those with brothers and sisters of a similar age when our mothers shouted us in after playing out and I had to go home alone. And my many cousins were all much older than me, so no use to me at all as a child! Both my sister and I had children very close together in age - my three have been very close throughout their childhood and still are, which is wonderful.

I am an only, my DH is an only and both my parents were onlies so this thread is v interesting to me. Like so many of the other posts on here I, too, felt under huge pressure to perform and succeed in everything I did as I was under so much scrutiny ( presumably my parents had experienced something similar!) My DH experienced less pressure in his upbringing but we both feel independent and are reluctant to ask others for help. We can share things readily and I like to think we're generous to friends and our much loved two children and 3 toddler grandchildren ( so far) but are probably selective about whom we will share with if I'm being honest. We are both quite used to doing what we want when we want and it's hard to kick that habit. I have seen good friends who have terrible relationships with siblings so it was a huge relief to see our daughter and son get on so well and their children loving having cousins.... as we had none!

I'm one of 8 and I always wanted to be an only child! I like time on my own but I realise being part of a large family made me resilient and thick skinned!

I should have said that I was envious of friends who were 'only' children when I got in to my teens and my younger sisters were always going in to my room and 'borrowing'. Being the eldest did have advantages in that I didn't have to wear handed down clothes like my sisters did.?

I am the eldest of 9 children, two seperate families. My father left my mother with 5 children when I was 22 to marry someone my age. He had a well paid job and bought a great house in a country area and went on to have 4 more children.
I resent very much his second family who were very indulged whilst my mother and siblings lost our home and I had to help support us financially. I have a very close relationship with my sister 2 years younger but she lives two thousand miles away. ?

My Mum was an only child, her Mum an only too, so when I turned out to be her only child because of gynae problems, it seemed perfectly normal. I wasn't spoilt in any way, and materially my parents didn't have enough to buy me "stuff", but I was always made to feel special. I made lots of friends, but enjoy my own company too. I do envy those who have sisters with whom they can share everything, and was determined not to have just one child myself. My son and daughter, now in their 40's, aren't at all close and sadly don't seem to have achieved the closeness I envisaged for them. When I think about it, my daughter has all the ways of an "only": she has lots of friends, really good confidants, but likes nothing better than going to the cinema alone! When I worked on a psychiatric ward, the doctor said I was typical of an only child - and I don't think she was being complimentary!

It seems that being an only has made most of us independent, confident, happy in our own company and mostly gregarious. But gregarious on our own terms. Like several others I yearned for a sibling, preferably an older brother - after all they could have adopted one! But that was a purely selfish want. An older brother would protect and defend me, I could hide behind him (I was impossibly shy until my teens). But mostly, being an only child and an only grandchild, it would take the pressure off. Although neither my parents or grandparents openly pressured me, (mum had sneaky ways of making me feel inadequate) only telling me to do my best, I always felt, and still do feel, that I let them down. The guilt has been life long.

I'm the eldest of two. I didn't think I played with my brother a lot as a child though always felt he was the favourite. However, now we are older and I am a widow, I'm very glad to have my brother around. Whilst I do have 3 DS who I am close to, I can more easily turn to my brother for advice. We didn't have much of an extended family when we were children and I think that can make as much difference as having siblings or not.

I was adopted and an only child for 13 years until my parents adopted my sister. Even now that we are both much older we are not close, though I would say we are fond of one another. On the other hand I had 4 sons and a daughter and they happily reminisce on shared memories of their childhood which I envy them for. I had a very happy childhood as I had friends and happy times wity my mum and dad so I'm not complaining. One of the advantages of a large family is having others to share the burden with when parents become frail. I have had a few problems recently with various things including a triple by-pass, and all the running around after me has been shared, rather than being left to my just one.

Carolest59 and Ana perhaps you'd like there to be a strict rule: If a topic doesn't apply to you, you can't join the conversation? Rather goes against the friendly, welcoming ethos of GN, don't you think?

Having read all the thread, I don't think being an only is much different to any other place in the family. Everyone has had different experiences which make us all different.

As an adopted ,only child brought up in a household with maternal grandparents living with us and paternal grandparents next door, I was very aware that my upbringing was unlike that of my friends, all of whom had siblings. All activities were geared to an adult level, no fun and silliness and I remember envying friends whose parents played with them and took them out to child centred activities. There was always a feeling of pressure to conform, (don't do that what will the neighbours think?) and to do well at everything - probably my parents needed to show that the adoption was a success. In the early 1940s adoption was not viewed as positive;y as nowadays and i was always aware of being different. Given a good education but not spoilt materially as money was tight and post-war austerity precluded fripperies.
I had cousins but they lived a considerable distance from us and my mother did not get on with her sister in law so visits were few and rather strained!
Today, as many others of you have said, this has made me self-reliant and not uncomfortable with my own company although I do often wish I had a brother or sister to share family memories now that the older generation has gone. My hobbies are reading and gardening - solo activities and I think the high standards expected of me in my early years have resulted in an over-emphasis on perfection in myself and others and , with age,hope I am gradually relaxing. I enjoy socialising in a group but welcome smaller gatherings and one-to-one contact. I hate shopping with another person and prefer to browse alone.
My delightful husband (we married 8 years ago as widow and widower) has one brother whom he rarely sees due to distance, but they were very close in childhood. Socially he is far more outgoing and has made many new friends over here in France whereas i have fewer, but closer relationships.
Unlike Overthehill I do not mind sharing stuff and tend to be rather generous to those closest to me. However I do like my own space and we are fortunate to have a house large enough to afford us both separate work rooms: two indoor "sheds" !

I am an only child and I hated it. Always longed for brothers and sisters. I had a teacher in infant school who hated only children and made their lives hell. I was too afraid to say anything. A few years later she was sacked!
I wasn't spoilt, but my Mother always had the house full of children - my friends or neighbours. She loved children.
I will say I am happy alone and happy in social situations. I have quite a few friends.
But I now have a Mother who is housebound and unable to cope - and once again, I wish I had brothers and sisters to share the burden.

I'm an only child. My mother's choice as she couldn't face what she described as the lack of dignity of childbirth etc.. I had a lot of love, care and affection but not material artefacts as money was short.
Most of the advantages of being an only child for me were also disadvantages. Dealing with both my parents illnesses and deaths on my own was difficult but then I didn't have to discuss or share my decisions with others. When my first husband died I too would have appreciated a relative of my age to help, support etc but then again I found friends very good. And I learned about people from that. Need time on my own and enjoy solitary activities but I realise sometimes I'm missing opportunities to socialise that I would enjoy.
Having said this and having read most of the posts I wonder why the one DGC I really worry about is an only child when there obviously good and bad in all situations. But I do worry about him.

DD is an only too. She's never wanted siblings.

She's very different from me, and I treat her very differently from the way I was treated, perhaps deliberately.

I think she IS rather spoilt, but not in a brattish way. There's something of the "Little Emperor" about her even though she's a nice kid (15). She's very grounded and sensible, somewhat driven and brilliant at talking to adults.

I was always much more subversive and rebellious. And a know-all.

These days, onlies seem more common. Many people have planned onlies, or leave it late to have kids so can't have more.

I think that, on the whole, onlies cope well with life, perhaps because they have to.

I wasn't an "only", had a sister but I would like to comment on this thread as DD2 has an only and I would love her to have a sibling but, due to DD's health problems it's un,likely to happen. Other DD has 4 so the only will have cousins althoug they live miles apart. I have observed "onlies" and have noticed a lot of Queen Bees out there; always have to be the centre of attention and the world revolves around them. I realise there must be loads of onlies NOT like that too!
There are two sides of course to making family decisions especially for elderly parents. As an only you make your decision and that's it. DH eldest of 6 had a terrible time when his parents were ill due to youngest sister, always a spoiled brat, dominating everything and forcing her (usually not good!) decisions on other siblings-all terrified, or worn down by-her fearsome temper tantrums-very sad to see in a supposed adult.
Obviously I want the best for this only GC, she does have friends she plays with (she's just 3) but I fear she's going to be lonely (in fact a poor little rich girl). I so hope her parents don't pressure her into "succeeding" too much as they have done if it isn't what she wants to do.

I'm an only child and I think I was spoiled, partly because I was quite sickly with bronchial asthma every winter. I would have liked siblings but Mum had a rough time giving birth which put her off adding to the family. Dad was an only child (because of a semi invalid mother) and Mum had only two sisters, one of whom remained single and the other married and had only one daughter. In consequence we are a very small family. My second husband is an only child as was my first husband. I would love to be part of a larger tribe which probably explains my undertaking family history research to find links. I know I am selfish and that I am happy in my own company - don't know if it is a result of being an only one or just part of my nature. Mum was similar despite having siblings.

My child is an 'only'. She says she would have loved a sibling,as she said we were too focuses on her and what she was doing,and felt under pressure because of this.
She also said as many of you have too, that she worries she'll feel alone when we die,despite having her own family of more than one child!
She's very outgoing,loves having lots of people around her,maybe she felt lonely as a child.
I am a middle child,people tell me I'm very quiet but not lacking in confidence,I can hold my own! I love peace and quiet,hate being in a crowd and hate too much noise!Im very happy being on my own,maybe all of these things because my childhood had siblings!my daughter and me were both born wrong way round!

sarahellenwhitney I can understand what you say as I am now on my own and see no one at all for days at a time. Yet I am resourceful, have lots to do, happy with my own company and enjoy my days. There is nothing I like better than to open the diary and see the page for the next week is empty!

And I put it down to being on my own the majority of the time [just my Gran in the house] when I was a child when I had to amuse myself. I feel I have gone back to that time, it feels familiar, even the lonely feeling. I coped then as even then I could see the benefits [no one interfering no sharing, no compromising, no one being critical or controlling, peace and quiet, no loud groups, no one being bossy, no arguments] and I will cope now.

I'm an only child too and can identify with these issues. I love my own space and hate to share material things but I will happily share my time with family and friends, the kettle goes on immediately anyone comes to visit. I just think that some things are too personal to share such as my computer etc.I'm strong willed and everyone says tough as I brought up a child alone after being widowed.

I am the one and only child too. My Mum wasn't able to have anymore for health reasons. She died when I was 15 and I have always missed her. However I have two beautiful daughters and three grandchildren who live quite far away and I miss them terribly. I don't think I was spoiled in any way, maybe apart from love. My father is still alive at the age of 92 who also lives quite a distance from me. This is where I feel such a responsibility towards him and as an only child having been brought up my father, who I love to bits, I am terrified by the thought of losing him.

I am an only. I never felt I was missing out by not having any siblings, all my friends with siblings always seemed to be having huge arguments and I hated that. I love being in social groups and socialising with friends, but I do need my regular down times.

I was a middle child of three - I got used to my older sister pinching my stuff (excuse was usually that a) my clothes were ironed b)she needed whatever it was she pinched more than I did or c) it looked better on her than me. I was also expected to give way to my younger brother if he wanted my teddy or my clock etc as 'you need to learn to share' Sadly it was a one way street and, once I got older and left home I enjoyed having my own things to myself.. I don't mind sharing but it does annoy me when people just assume it will be okay and just take things because 'we knew you wouldn't mind'

I am an only child plenty of material things in my childhood every thing I could wish for but what I realised long ago was it kept me out of the way. Consequently I am a loner and always have been. I had a successful business career and nothing inspired me more that when asked to stand up at a meeting and give a talk on how to succeed in business.Put me in a social scene and I counted the minutes for when I could escape I used to upset my husband on many occasions when I refused to attend his golf club social events.Now a widow I believe the isolation enforced on me as a child is my saviour in my old age and allows me to cope where others cannot. Anyone out there that can relate to my situation?

I'm an only child, as is DH, DS and DGS!
My mum wanted a big family, but she miscarried two after me, and then had a stillbirth, so they decided against trying for any more.
I wasn't at all lonely, cousins were a long distance away, so rarely saw them, but had lots of friends, one of whom is still my closest friend now, after 55 years!
I was painfully shy, but met a girl at Uni who changed me completely, she was very confident and outgoing and some of it rubbed off on me....thanks Barb!
I then spent my entire working life serving the public, so my shyness just evaporated and I can 'mix with, and chat to' anyone, in fact I may chat a little too much!
I'm not at all selfish and will happily share, but I do like to 'spoil myself' occasionally. good perfume, designer handbags etc. Maybe that's a sort of selfishness, although I never spend on myself until DH, DS, DDiL and DGS have been 'treated' first!
It was difficult looking after mum when she was very ill, it might have been nice to have had a sibling to share the stress, but I also didn't have to consult or consider anyone else when making plans for mum's care.
I'm fiercely independent, and have to stop myself refusing offers of help when offered, deep down I'd rather struggle and manage things by myself!
Fortunately, DH being an only child too, he understands, and we can happily spend days and evenings apart; as much as we enjoy being together, we both like our own company too!
All in all, am I glad I'm an only one? Definitely!!!