Will I ever be really happy again

Not enough is done about workplace bullying, You think this kind of crap finishes once you leave school but alas, in many cases it doesn't. I was bullied in the workplace years ago. I had a friend who attended my wedding etc and there was another girl who was her friend but not really mine. It was she who used to bully me and my 'so called' friend just used to stand there looking at the floor instead of telling her to cut it out. The bullying was in the form of name calling as I was walking by, making derogatory comments, that kind of thing but she was very aggressive in nature and had already received a verbal warning for pinning another girl up against a wall. I reported the bullying to my superiors who did absolutely nothing. One day it came to a head when she approached me and I turned on her and said, "don't think you're going to be pinning me up against the wall like you did to - - -" We were both shouting and consequently we both got fired. Everyone signed a petition to get me reinstated but the boss said that the altercation had been heard by clients so under the circumstances she didn't feel it was prudent to allow me to come back. The crazy thing is I saw the same girl years later and she apologised. Who knows why people do the things they do? I just know that you have to stand up for yourself or it will continue all your life in one form or another. I'd let the past go Ruthie and start afresh. That friend can't have been a true friend or she wouldn't have stood by and let you be bullied like that. Move on, make new friends but just don't tell them all your ins and out and one thing I learned over the years, never talk about other colleagues, even if others are talking about them, stay neutral, don't give them any ammunition. Perhaps you could consider assertiveness classes?Whatever you do, wishing you all the very best XX

It does hurt - I had a situation where someone I thought was a friend sought behind my back to destroy a singing group that I started and had run for many years. I was going through a bad patch anyway and this was pretty much the last straw. I discovered afterwards some of the cruel things that had been said and done. And when the shit hit the fan and it all went pear-shaped, she said some seriously dreadful things to me, including telling me what a pillock my OH was - I knew that anyway!

But it was a valuable life lesson - choose your friends with care!

I did come out the other side, a wiser woman, so take heart.

There were so many options available to you regarding the bullying, but the most important was the attitude of your "other" friend who was your supervisor who really should never hold that position. I wonder what the situation is now that you have left and under the circumstances, were the friendships really that genuine?

You have family - put them first now and do not let your hurt over this woman taint your fun with your family. She is not worth allowing that to happen.

This must have been heartbreaking. In my 30s, during my working life in the US, people did not tend to become close friends. Mostly because they were married with families and I was single. Or I was the senior person and those working under me were younger. This was in the 1980s. Perhaps workplace bullying was not acceptable then, although, I do recall at the uni I last worked at some woman in another department terrorised her boss! That was really weird. She refused to learn to use a computer and 'dared' him to fire her. What a mess. As I got older, my work confidence grew and I did not 'attach' myself emotionally to workmates.

Anyways, this is not about you or your character, it's about other people and their immaturity. Do you think they are really happy in their work? If they are like this, they must always be looking over their shoulders and at each other wondering what they really think.

You are well out of this 'circle of distrust' and are better off making a new workplace life. But keep it that way. Pleasant, companionable, but don't invest your heart in workmates. They probably have their own agendas as well. And, if this is the way they are, they will surely end up at odds with each other when the chips are down over promotions, or pay rises, more responsibility, etc.

Family and friends outside of work are much more rewarding. And if you have extra energy left over, join U3A as suggested and expand your horizons, or donate time to volunteer work. You will be much valued and make real friends.

It's dreadful isn't it you never get over it. And as you say you never trust anyone again.
I was a TA and had been working at a local school for years our head left and we had a new head who was very nice but my friend who was the deputy head had to reapply for her job and go through the process of being interviewed she didn't get the job and new head was a bully, I never got on with her think because of my age. My confidence was really shaken but she went in the end to be head of another school, I retired a few years later.

Coping with bullying and betrayal in any situation/relationship is he'll. That you can articulate it here is trusting us and the first step to trusting friends again

To lose friends is always sad, but there has been good advice given here. Workplace colleagues may be friends, but if one part of the relationship collapses then you may feel you have lost all of it.
You seem to have a loving husband and presumably a loving family to support you. As my mum used to say back in my childhood when "best friends" let me down "They're not worth it".
Move on, there are other things in life to make you happy again.

Oh for heavens sake you still have a wonderful husband and family enjoy them rather than mithering about this other woman, who isnt worth a 2nd thought. I'd give up every friend ever if my husband was still here to be wonderful

I'm really sorry for your distress on this issue ruthiek. I have learnt the hard way that people come into our lives for a reason, some for just a short while and some for a few years and some for a lifetime. I've had to 'let go' of friendships over the years if they became toxic or just distant. You will pick up, look forward, create new interests to meet new people. You'll never forget the good memories you've had, now its time to move on and make new memories with new friends ?

If only it was that easy.
It is a betrayal and a bereavement. It has happened to me when a friend and her H suddenly went " up in the world" and made rich influential new friends.
I do still see her a few times a year but on my terms and I have never recovered my former feelings for her.

You should forget about this woman just as she has forgot about you. Life really is too short to rely on someone like this for your own happiness.

I was so sad to read this, ruthiek,and as another (over-?) sensitive soul, wanted to share this poem I stumbled across that I have printed and stuck to my fridge. Do have a look. Warmest wishes and a gentle hug.
www.cwolters.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/she-let-go-poem-by-ernest-holmes-html

I'm reading some of the comments and I agree to a degree but Ruthie can't lock herself away in her house with her husband and her family. She has to, as we have all had to, go out there and work and be in that social environment so just "being happy that she has her husband" won't quite solve the problem. Another thing is, and I say this with all due respect, a lot of bullies use that old excuse of "your too over sensitive" as an excuse for their behaviour.

Foxie

'You only get bullied because you allow it to happen and because you are more concerned with the feelings of others than you are with your own.'

I had to read this several times. Really Foxie? That's a very harsh statement for anyone being bullied at the moment. No one allows it to happen.

I once helped a friend with an application for a job at the place where I worked, and once in the post she made my life hell, sending unpleasant and untrue emails to me copied to everyone else.

But you can put it behind you. I had to leave in the end, took other jobs and am now retired. When thoughts of this woman crop up, as inevitably they do from time to time, I find something to do and push them away. We only have one life, and she is not going to ruin mine!

ruthiek, what an awful experience,and what an awful aftermath. Unless you have been bullied at work yourself, you would not be able to imagine how awful it is. You have been majorly traumatised.

However, that does not mean you won't heal and make new friends. You have to do a reality check: human beings are fallible and cannot be relied upon to be perfect! You can't refuse to love someone because they might do something awful to you, can you? You can't ever have that guarantee with anyone. Love can overcome those fears. Love can take risks. And sometimes, you have to love because it's right and not because you are hoping to get unfailing loyalty in return.

If you don't mind my quoting this:
"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them, expecting nothing in return." Luke 6:35 - read the whole passage

In a way, we have to grow up in matters of love and not be children anymore, but warriors who can take a few blows, though we get scars along the way.

I am so sorry you have had such an awful time,don't loose faith in people you only need to read this forum to see how kind and thoughtful most people are---------you are at the perfect age to meet new people lots are retired and trying new projects.How about signing on for an evening class in something you have always wanted to try,you will meet different people but do not need to get too close.Or volunteer where you can help others that is so rewarding you will meet people who need your help,just look forward not back.Over the years when your at work you meet odd folks but when you get older you only need to go near the nice ones,everyone sends good wishes keep in touch and the very best of luck.

You call her your friend but she was not really a friend and you did the right thing walking away. Put all your work memories in a cupbard and leave them there, its all in the past now and you have a new way of life to make. Not everyone is the same and you can trust people again, make friends through the WI, I have found them a great bunch and supportive. And just for the record A manager at work tried to bully me and others but I was lucky we had a trade union and I became the workplace rep and quietly fought him for 3 years until he was made redundant in a shake up. Then I left, job done! Make a new life and don't think of her as your friend.

She wasn't a friend, who knows if you will ever have a close relationship like you had, but that went. You have a close family and your husband, I would give anything for that. Please do not waste your time worrying about what you had and what you want. Look and see what you're have is real and worth so much more. Just go out meet new people but accept they might just always be no more than aquaintences. Nothing stays the same as we get older. Never thought I could ever end up on my own and lonely, but I have.

Friends...they certainly were not...& rest assured what goes around comes around....these people really are not worth a single thought any more..you have more than they could ever have, your family and Husband. put it all behind you where it belongs..trust me, I've experienced worse. you can & will heal..be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
You are important, kind & loyal & only sincere people deserve to know you!

ruthiek you have had a raw deal and are entitled to feel sore.
Yes you miss your friends, yes you miss the "fun you had" but you say you have a wonderful,husband and family so pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again
Can you ever be really happy again?
Well that is up to you isn't it?
Dwelling on the past is not the way, but moving forward while counting your blessings stands much more chance of success.
It is up to you. .

ruthie - very sorry to hear what happened to you. You are better off away from the job and the so-called friends. You are better than all of them.

Foxie has perhaps never been bullied. It disempowers you like nothing else so it is impossible to "fight back". The bullies know this and that's why they carry on doing it.

I was bullied at work by a boss with obsessive compulsive disorder. I should have walked out of the upsetting job chats etc but she had told so many lies about my "incompetence" to her boss that I feared that I would get no sympathy if I reported it.

I left that job and got another with less money just to get away.

I would be wary of getting too close to anyone again. If you are able to meet new people, Just enjoy their company and see how it goes.

I worked with who I thought were all my dear friends and my only friends for 25years. I left 3years ago to care for my grandchildren while their parents work. But not one person has got in contact with me since l left, l have text a few and seen a few while out shopping etc. The only time any have spoken to me has been at two funerals we have been to. I know they were only colleges but you spend a lot of your time at work. But l now have a few new friends ( Nannies) made at Local Toddler Groups where we meet weekly with our grandchildren. I always wonder just how many people will be at my funeral when l die??

I worked for 15 years with someone I classed as a close friend. We did the same job, visited each other's homes with our children, shared deep thoughts and highs and lows re husbands, children, parents and then our boss gave me the Highest Appraisal Mark and she got the grade below. Still excellent btw. Things turned frosty and she was vocal in her dissent. Then I applied for and got a job with another organisation. She made me feel I had abandoned her and cut me off from her life. I was bereft for a while but met such lovely unjudgemental friends in my new job that I realised life goes on ! Your friends were not true ! Move on. Be happy x