DIL wont visit my house....

Why not ask your son?

Maybe your DiL sees the family home as part of her husband's life that she was not a part of?

Either that or are you a smoker?

I do remember someone posting that her DIL refused to visit because she was a non-smoker and it was a smoking household. Could this be the problem?

It does feel hurtful but worse so because you don't know why???
I think asking why she doesn't visit is far too direct and she will not answer it honestly because she ll be put on the spot
Have you ever considered asking your son on his own and explain to him that if hurts and could they just make it a small visit to start with
The only things I can think of is dogs or pets could she be allergic or uncomfortable around pets, some people have different levels of cleanliness could she be a clean freak or is she a snob or does her aloofness cover up a fear of being out of her environment can her possessiveness be clinginess I think the answers lie with your son not your daughter in law

There was another story very similar to this a good while back I can't remember the posters name so not sure if it was you maybe not but the poster always had to meet at a daughters house for Christmas but it all hinged around dogs and when that was suggested the poster stopped posting

Worth asking I guess - how very uncomfortable for you.

This must be hurtful. You don't have a pet she is worried about, perhaps?

Best thing is to just ask them - don't say 'why don't you like me?' but 'is there any reason why you don't come to the house?'

Oh what a shame. I can understand how you must feel. Do you actually invite them to your house dare I say formally. Like "would you and the kiddies like to pop in for tea?" If she works as most mums seem to these days I would suggest you give her a selection of dates that is convenient for you. I don't have this problem fortunately as my only DGC are my DDS my son doesn't have any. Nevertheless she works so visits are always prearranged.

I would be hurt too. If you knew the reason you could choose whether or not to do something about it. The only valid reason I can think of is if you were a smoker?