how did your position in your family affect you and your life.

Angela1961
Same as you I'm an only child and never missed siblings growing up, but now wish I had them to share the happy and sad times, and help the memories live on.

As an only child, I was first, middle and last; doted upon, spoiled and raised among the grown ups. I was for the most part a lonely child longing for siblings until I was old enough to understand why my mother couldn't have more. In retrospect, it was not a bad thing being raised alone, but I also missed out on a lot and still do. I often wish I would have had several sisters and brothers.... one of those big, loud, boisterous, ethnic families that get together often and they all share vast quantities of good food, plenty of lively gossip and and even the occasional dose of drama!

gillybob gosh hope that I haven't offended you?

My comment re my sister being on husband no 3 was just my way of saying that she has not had a particularly happy time of things and certainly not what our parents would ever have predicted for their 'golden girl', I think and hope that she is feeling happy and settled now, it has been a long time coming for her

I was the one and only child. Never felt wanted, although money was no object,both parents wanted a boy.
When I was expecting my first child, mother had her boys names lined up, and how I disappointed her by having a girl followed by another girl
I do believe had my mother produced a sibling for me and it was a boy I doubt I would ever had got a look in.
Could never understand the issue with my not being a boy as boy cousins from my array of aunts and uncles outnumbered girl cousins.

I have a friend with a twin sister. Their mother called my friend 'the pretty one' and her sister 'the clever one'. Caused no end of trouble between them and now they are no longer in contact. It's awful how parents can screw up thei children's self esteem, I hope I haven't done the same with my DD. My main problem has been mother was absolutely not touchy-feely so I haven't been with DD and really regret it, but it's difficult to shake these childhood things off...

I am a middle child, 2nd daughter. My mother always told me my sister was so much prettier than me & my brother was the son she longed for! So to say I have very low self esteem & never felt good enough is an understatement!! I now have 3 beautiful grown up daughters of my own & 2 gorgeous grandchildren, we are all very close. But I have have never had a good relationship with my Mother, she is still very critical & my brother is definately the favourite.

Climbed Snowdon but still feel ugly and stupid. My younger sister, on the other hand,has never scaled any heights but with her looks and brain she has nothing to prove. I know because my parents were always telling her
Yes,I know ExaltedWombat, really must get over myself....

I was also an only child and longed for a brother and sister (I had them in my head for many years growing up). I was never spoiled - my parents were in business all their working lives so there was no time to spoil me - my mum used to say I brought myself up. They were not demonstrative in any way so although I know they loved me there were never hugs and kisses which is something I regret as it's made me the same way. I too got pregnant at 16 which my mum was mortified about and made me feel extremely guilty for years however she adored both her grandsons once they arrived. I have no self esteem at all and often felt I was a disappointment to them. Like Gillybob though now they're gone I have no one to share those childhood memories with. My husband is the middle child - each of his siblings always said he was the favourite but if you ask him he would say his younger sister was. Over the years we would notice that one of other of them was usually out of favour with my in-laws for whatever reason. Families are so complicated - both my sons still believe the other was the blue eyed prince even now they're grown men

I'm the fifth of six. 2 girls, 2 boys, 2 girls. Ages range from 75 - 61. Two elder sisters married young, one brother joined the navy the other the army, my younger sister who was spoilt by all was a right little madam, Dad was in the army, on his final posting I had already left school and my younger sister had to go to boarding school. I had always been a goody goody and got on really well with my dear mum and dad, as we were living in Malaysia and jobs were scarce, mum and I were more like best friends, dad said I was her companion, those 3 years until I married were the happiest of my life. I'm close only to my second eldest sister and my younger one.
I had a happy childhood if rather chaotic moving from place to place from birth, I also married a soldier so until the age of 39 had never lived anywhere for more than 5 years (and in those 5 years we moved to 3 different homes).

You haven't got low self-esteem because of being a middle child. You've just got low self-esteem. And, you know what, so have all of us, particularly if we think about it too hard. Now, go and climb Everest or something.

I was the middle of three girls, closer in age to the younger one (ages when youngest born, 4 and 18 months). I was always called daddy's girl but in reality dad treated us all the same - he was a quiet man who did not say much and was quite old for a dad, 50 when I was born, and travelled a lot for his job until we were small, and then was only a weekend dad for a long time as he went to work early and came back late. I always felt that mum and my older sister were friends and my sister would tell tales to mum, my younger sister was the baby and spoiled. As we grew up, older sister had priviledges like going to bed later etc but when my turn came they always applied to me and my younger sister at the same time. Yet now my older sister feels she missed her childhood as mum relied on her a lot, and she says I and younger sister never played with her, while my younger sister also feels resentful because whatever she did I had done first! Our parents died a year apart when we were in our late twenties. Both my sisters married older men, never had children, are now widows and are comfortably off, I married and had children (two boys), and a grandson, but was divorced when they were little and now live on very little. Now I think I am the most contented sane person of the three of us! They don't speak to each other but I am friends with both. I learned early on not to expect anything and every little pleasure in life is a bonus.

I'm on husband number 3 too nanaK54 I really am careless so trying desperately to hang on to this one for dear life

Such an interesting subject.
I am a middle child, my sister (9 years older) was a really well behaved and very clever child.
Mr brother (4 years younger) was a very much wanted boy.
So there was me in the middle, feeling not at all special.
I rebelled in my teens, quite shocking behaviour really, wonder if I was trying to get some attention?!
Pregnant at 17, we married (as you did in those days), we are still happily married 45 years later!
My sister has led a pretty strange life and is on husband no. 3, my brother a similar tale and he is now with wife no. 3 .
They don't get on with each other at all, I try (but not too hard) to be the peacemaker
When my dear mum was dying it was me that the nursing home rang, saying "we rang you because we know that you are the strong one of the family"
I do know that in her later years my mum was at last 'proud' of me, which was a real comfort I have always looked for confirmation from others that I am 'worthy' of love and praise.....think that maybe, just maybe, at the age of 62 I am starting to realise that I am an okay sort of woman

Silversands we're not complaining about siblings ,just discussing how our position in the family affected us.My eldest sister was born very premature and she was ill for much of her childhood,she spent a lot of time in hospital and by the time she finally came home for good my parents had lost their 2nd daughter who only lived for 10 hours and had their 3rd .The sister who had been ill hated her with a vengeance for years ,always said she "took her place" which was nonsense as no 1 was very spoiled BECAUSE she had been so sick for so long .Strangely when my dad died it was the two middle sisters who cared for my mum.No 1 found it hard to look after her own family and the youngest decided looking after mum wasn't what she wanted to do .Still my mother never really changed her attitude towards us.I know she loved me but she was always hyper critical.The day before she died she told me off for wearing trousers when I visited her ...apparently I'm the wrong shape for trousers...lol.I was a size 10/12 at the time .

I was the youngest of four - siblings were 14, 13 and 11 when I was born - I guess I was spoilt with attention, but parents were not well off so not spoilt with material possessions. Now I am nearly 64 and my sisters (brother died a few years back) still think I am a youngster. Actually I think it helps me feel young for my age! It is interesting to see my sisters still trying to assert themselves, not with me, but with each other - much like when they were teenagers. But actually we are all pretty close and supportive. Lucky I guess.

I always make a point of praising my Grandchildren, as I did with my sons. I love to see the big smile on their faces when they realise what they have done is 'wonderful' or 'so clever' or 'very interesting'. It is worth the effort because they are growing up to have confidence in themselves and what they are capable of. Putting children down in any way is setting them up to fail imo. Giving praise when they deserve it helps them to grow in to capable, self assured, caring people.

I am the youngest always known as the baby. My mother would introduce me as the baby even when I was pregnant with my first child. I only had two my daughter and my son they were treated both the same.
My brother is the middle child and my eldest sister and my mum doted on him.

Chicklette your post really saddened me. YOU ARE NOT A 'Nobody'! Never think that. We all have gifts and we are all different. No-one is a 'Nobody'!

One thing I believe that parents MUST NOT DO is put a label around a child's neck. He is the clever one, she is the thoughtful one, he is very practical, she is very emotional etc etc. That child will remember what you have said and will take it to heart. Imo children should not be compared in any way with each other. They all have special gifts and they are all precious. They should all be treated the same, whatever sex, what ever their faults are.

I was second in line of 5 children. Boys and girls. I was a very happy little girl and we all got on very well. However as we have grown older the two oldest of each sex have moved closer to each other and I have moved closer to my younger sister. One brother died age 18yrs. Being an also ran has not affected my life in any way and even though some of us are closer we still all get on together. Sometimes we all know instinctively what is going on in the others' lives. My sister and I are more like twins than sisters.

I am the eldest of two. Our parents had been married for 9 years before I came along, then 2.5 years later, my brother arrived. I dearly wanted a sister and told everyone that the baby was Pauline. I know I bossed him around, but we are estranged now, and I wish he would 'come back'.

I'm the eldest but I always felt jealous of my younger siblings. I have spent my whole life feeling jealous and never ever feeling like anyone's number 1.

I am not in any way, shape or form "special" but it was such a kind thing for you to say harri thank you.

Belinda49 Your (sad) post made me realise how we do carry these things around for the whole of our lives. Despite the massive disappointment I caused my parents by getting myself pregnant at 17, I often wonder if, in later years they ever realised that it was only because of this they got to be grandparents (my sister never had children) and then later great-grandparents.

It is a precious thing to share memories of childhood with your siblings! I love that.

I'm the youngest of three and was a sickly little git so was spoilt and loved a lot. Trouble is, adult life can't match up to that!! My brother and sister still think I'm a little girl!