how did your position in your family affect you and your life.

I was referred to as `an only child` absolutely hated it! I would have given ANYTHING to have had a sibling. Spotlight was always on me, hopes and aspirations of my family always on me; anything broken; mislaid; or stained in the house it was always down to me. Bedroom had to ALWAYS be kept pristine (no sibling to share the blame for the mess). I had to wash and dry the dishes every night - no sharing of chores; wash out the bathroom and kitchen so I would "know my place in the family!". My mother told me constantly how much they sacrificed for me, how much I owed her for giving birth to me, how she had ruined her figure and her health for me and that if I loved her I would look after her in her old age and NOT go off and get married. When I did marry and had a family of THREE CHILDREN she was down at my house EVERY DAY, she didn`t like me to meet up with friends or even have friends over for a play date with HER grandchildren. So life, even as an adult `only child` was a battle each and every single day. Oh what I would have given to share some of the spotlight with a sibling. So please don`t moan about your siblings or positions in your family, just be grateful if you have someone to share childhood memories with whether they be good or bad as I have no one but I do have wonderful memories of my children and grandchildren`s childhoods full of fun; laughter; and yes even fights with their siblings but none of the parental pressure.

I'm the fourth of five and am younger twin. Elder brothers left home quite young so mostly we three youngest at home. We all felt that we were 'accidents' as none of us were planned. Sadly youngest always felt he was especially unwanted (Mum was about 45 when she had him) but I think he was spoiled a bit to compensate.
DH was the youngest of two. He was MIL's favourite really though I think she tried not to show it but it was obvious. As he passed away she is left with 'the other one' to look after her and they don't get on which is a shame. Two strong self-centred egotists mean fireworks.
My brothers married girls who had a huge army of sisters and we rarely see them.

I was the oldest of two, my brother and we always got on well, my parents never made any difference between us, my Brother was always the clever of us, but it never made a difference, I may have been the more "bossy" of the two, and consequently became a Nurse.We had a good life and it saddens me to think he died far too early when he was just forty, but I have my happy memories.

I was the eldest until my sister, an 'accident', came along when I was five and a half. I was always sensible and responsible and still am. A typical 'eldest'. She was the baby rebel, always being naughty, getting into scrapes and goading me. When she was fourteen and a bit more grown up she was more friendly and fun-loving and I cared about her and looked out for her as my mother and father went through an acrimonious divorce.

I married an eldest child with a rebellious youngest sister and we have very coincidental relations with our families. His sister doesn't speak to him from year's end to year's end and my sister is jealous and hostile.

My sister married a 'youngest' and had three girls, of whom the youngest is rebellious and disobedient.

Our eldest son is sensible and responsible and the youngest is a bright spark with a more up and down view of life.

These patterns cannot be a coincidence, can they?

Belinda, I feel exactly the same as you - don't think I've ever said these things to anybody before!

I was the second of four and it wasn't a happy place to be. I felt my sister, the eldest, was the clever one, then there was me, my brother was the poorly one with health problems, then my youngest brother was the cure funny one. I felt I didn't have a place or personality. Growing up I was always known, even by teachers, as ****'s sister, as there's only a year between me and my sister, and she was known for being clever. The odd thing is I didn't mind. I think I felt it was justified as I was a nobody.

I am the younger of two, my brother is eight years older. I felt like an only child but I cant remember being spoilt (he might say different). My parents never gave me praise or told me I was good at anything or talented in any way. They separated when I was seventeen and I have found it very hard to trust anybody all my life. Like paddyann I put on my makeup everyday with my brave face ... Somebody said to me once that she didn't have the confidence to wear makeup, I said I didn't have the confidence not to ...

eldest of three with younger sister and brother.
younger sister was daddy's girl and younger brother was mummy's boy so i was the one who was left out and also the one who was responsible for looking after sister and brother.
always vowed to have either two children or four as i didn't like being one of three.
in the end i had only two as my third pregnancy was an ectopic one and due to this and other unrelated things both ovarian tubes were removed with the pregnancy.
however i had my wish - one girl and one boy and both of them are lovely children and i wouldn't be without them [although i dispensed with the husband as i just grew away from him].
i've ended up estranged from my sister but not from my brother although i don't see him very often as he moved to the usa.
now my daughter and her two daughters have moved in with me and we're struggling [even after two years] to sort my house out with four peoples' belongings. this will be made worse when my daughter finally moves the rest of their belongings out of the marital home when the divorce takes place.

I found it very therapeutic to post my comment today which I'd never really expressed before!!

Our middle child gets the most attention!

I am the middle of 3 girls. The older one clever, attractive, popular, the younger the apple of my Mother's eye. I always felt left out and jealous. Now I am the only one married with children and 5 grandchildren but even at 70 the past hurts don't totally go away. My Mother finally told me for the first time on her deathbed at 100 that she loved me and I had 'turned out much better than she'd expected.'Sad of me to still care at my age, but true. At least as a result my husband and I try really hard with the middle grandson so that he doesn't have the same hang ups.

I'm the eldest of 2 girls - my sister is 9 years younger than me. As I was born in 1936 I grew up during the war, Dad was away fighting and I had little or no supervision so became very independent. And wild. But also insecure.
My sister, born 1945, is quite different, much more confident.

my DIL was the baby in her family and my son her husband was the eldest in mine. It is really noticeable in their marriage that my son takes all the responsibility and does most of the caring within the home. When she has a day off work she doesnt do anything in the house she goes out shopping with friends or for lunch. My son does housework, washing, food shopping, childcare and gardening weather permitting. I have been to visit on a weekend and DIL very often still in bed at lunchtime 'havig a lie in'. She was never given responsibility whilst growing up and this is certainly being carried on into her adult life.

I was the youngest of four, born at the end of the war. My three siblings were adults by the time I came along. My father spoiled me and my mother considered me an inconvenience. My relationship with her was turbulent and I resented the way she treated my father, but did not have the maturity until much later in my life to appreciate what made her the way she was. Like others, I had a lot of self esteem issues as both a child and an young adult.

I was an only child, not spoiled but I am now bossy, confident and love to organise everyone. I was a manager from my middle twenties and for the rest of my career. These traits are not always popular I have to add.

I am the middle child of three. Apart from anxiety issues when my parents split when I was a young child (5) I've always been happy and just got on with things. I think my single parent mother (she never remarried) didn't have time to single anyone out so she treated us all the same. We had to grow up fast as she worked full time, so I had a list and a budget and the cash and would do the weekly shop for the whole family by the age of 10. As children we had to do that in turns. I only realised afterwards what an important education that was.

I was the goody two shoes who would run to my grandparents (we'd be looked after there after school) to report the mischief that my older sister and younger brother would get up to, which did not well please them, so they would gang up on me, but it never bothered me nor stopped me!

I'm the eldest of four but the only girl. My mum preferred boys and ruled the roost.

I am the youngest of 4 by 10 years, eldest 2 (16 &13 years older than me))were girls who ran my DM ragged, Brother (10) was and still is the little Prince but he hated me when i came along as i stole his thunder.I weighed 3lbs 9 oz so was very tiny and very ill but had very gorgeous black thick curly hair and everyone adored me DB would do anything to hurt me when i was little, he "bounced" me out of my pram and gave me my Dads razor to play with when i was 3 or 4. He refused to speak to me until i was a teen and he then became the protective big brother.He went to the Navy when i was 6 so although i was one of 4 i was also an only child who was given the world but never spoiled as my Nana would never allow that behaviour.
My sisters always said i was indulged but our Brother was and still is a little Prince

Eldest child ...the responsible one..5 years older than my brother ...the first port of call for any problems even 60 odd years later still big sister

Oldest of 2 sibling was a brother 7 years younger ( mother lost a baby between us and took a long time to get pregnant again) I was spoilt as an " only" for 7 years mainly by my nana , we were her only grandchildren my fathers mother had many others. My brother and I are not close and hardly see each other I left home when he was 12. I had a lot of self esteem issues as a child and young adult but not sure if it was because of my birth order

gilly, I don't think you realise how special you are. I know how caring you are as you helped me when I was at my lowest

I was an only child. Not spoilt, as parents could not afford to . I was lonely at times and remember wishing I had a sister . My father died when he was just 53 and my mother 3 years ago at 79. I moved into my mother's home and cared for her for 11 weeks of cancer diagnosis and wished for a sibling again. Once she died it struck me that all our family memories cannot be remembered and shared anymore.

Meant to add that we were brought up not to "show off" and can't remember ever being told I was clever, pretty etc. I wasn't but they could have lied. Subsequently I have a very low opinion of myself and lack self confidence. As predicted I never mounted to anything much. I have always told my children and grandchildren that they are amazing (I'm not lying) and they are.

I was the eldest of 2 girls. There is a 5 year gap between my sister and I. I was born in 1962. My parents were young (mum 21 and dad 25) but both very old fashioned considering it was the 60's. My mum hero worshipped my overly strict dad and his word was like Gods law. In his/their infinite wisdom they refused to allow me any kind of sex education and kept me out of classes at school. I got pregnant at 17 and became a single parent at 18. Made my bed and lay in it. I was terribly lonely and never really made any friends as spent my entire young life looking after a baby and working full time. This is partly why I look after my own GDC so often.

I Made it very easy for my goody two shoes younger sister who was a saint.

A massively clever elder sister who was blonde, blue-eyed and stunningly beautiful. Yeah, it affected me.