Displaying emotions

For me, a hug from the Queen, a so-called celebrity or any politician would be a meaningless invasion of privacy. They are strangers to me and have no right to invade my personal space. I suspect the Queen and Theresa May would feel as uncomfortable hugging a stranger as many people would by being hugged. We should accept that. Of course the problem is, how can you tell if hugging someone would make them uncomfortable? Tee shirt with, "If you don't know me, please don't hug me!" on the front? ?

We are a tiny family Annie.

Working from the oldest member; my dad a non hugger (but mellowing with age), me and my sister (another non hugger) my DH, who was a non hugger due to strict parents but getting better, my 2 children, both huggers and my three grandchildren totally huggable.

I also have 2 younger girl cousins that I see now and again and we do hug when we meet.
A lot of how we all behave is to do with our upbringing although some of us fight to change, others (like my sister) find it very difficult. She never hugs and tends to shakes hands with even close family.

Thank you Gillybob, I am part of a rather large extended family , four generations of us, cousins who live about two miles apart hug each other every time they call on each other, second cousins now do the same. For me criticising people who do not display their emotions publicly is so judgemental and this is why I spoke of queenie as an example of this,.i don't think anyone has taken more flack for not publicly showing emotion.

No Wilma, you aren't alone in being less sure about judging others as we age. like you, my close family and friends hug and express love to each other. I enjoy the way my children and their friends all greet each other with hugs.

A very good (and brave) thread Anniebach . I totally agree with what you are saying and feel that public tears and hugging seem to count for so much these days.

I too love hugging my family Wilma even though I was brought up by "non hugging" parents. But I don't normally hug strangers.

I felt quite ashamed when we found out how quietly kind and charitable George Michael had been. I had never been particularly fond of him or his music and especially not his escapades with drink, drugs and public loos. A good example of someone doing good, for no publicity.

Indeed.

We're all different aren't we Wilma? Everyone who has posted on this thread has given their own personal opinion, which is what the OP asked for. Job done.

And who is to decide what is or is not an overt display of emotion?

What is wrong with someone well known adding their voice in support of those less able or fortunate?

Who are we to judge the wealthy by what charitable works they do or don't make public?

Honestly, some of you could do with being less judgemental and more tolerant in these difficult times.

As you get older, do you not find it better to give someone the benefit of the doubt? To bite your tongue before saying something negative? I find as I get older I am less sure about judging others than I was. Am I alone?

And I love hugging family and friends. I love telling my Mum and brothers I love them. As a child we did neither.

And this is why I asked the question tidyskatemum,

Some people easily show their emotions, others less so. I am not a fan of Theresa May, but I do not agree with all the criticism she is getting for not being sympathetic towards the victims of the fire. Her job is to ensure that kind of thing never happens again and to as quickly as possible provide the means to help the survivors with accommodation, trauma counceling etc. I am sure she is truly shocked but just not very good at demonstrating it, but she needs to show that she does what she is supposed to do as Prime Minister. I do hope that this catastrophe will not be used by political opportunists.

Overt display of emotion is fine if that's what is right for you but it should not be compulsory, as seems to be the case these days.

Yes, an excellent example of giving without feeling the need to go on about it, Chewbacca.

I'm thinking of George Michael, who said little, but did a lot. Never spoke to anyone about the charities he donated to, or the causes that he supported. He just quietly gone on with it, needing no cameras or fanfare. If he hadn't died, I doubt we'd even know now.

Celebs will always muscle in where public emotion is concerned.Genuine or not, they can't seem to keep their gobs shut.All must listen to their words of wisdom, even when usually they know nothing about it.
Yes ab there is more emotion openly displayed nowadays.If you are not openly shouting or weeping you are 'uncaring' when in fact a person may be deeply affected by something.

I have watched the Lily Allen interview now, and no way was she doing it for self-promotion. She was looking anywhere but at the camera.

I read that Lily Allen had a school friend she visitedin that tower block which was why she went there to see the people.

I think some people who could help maybe went to assess the situation for themselves and will maybe do something to help the people. I am sure the people appreciated the visit from the Queen - her parents went to see bamb sites and the people who had lost their homes during the war. In fact when Buckingham Palace was hit the Queen mother, as she later became, said she felt a bit more like one of them now - although of course she had not lost her home.

Yes grumppa , thank you for s straight answer

If a stiff upper lip should be a personal choice, so should overt display of emotion.

I suspect most of us were brought up not to 'show off' , show strong feelings or see ourselves as the centre of the universe. The stars of old were less reserved, no doubt because of the drama that accompanies so much theatrical or film life. I don't feel we are unpleasantly touchy feely as some posters seem to.

I see it as a positive thing that our society is less inclined to expect feelings to be suppressed. How many of us knew fathers (in my case, not mine luckily) who had suffered eg on the Burma railway. I know men who never talked about, or sought help but who drank, had outbursts of anger and endless nightmares.

So far as the death of Diana goes, I wore a Don't do it Di badge when her marriage was being planned. She was 19 years old, had experienced a difficult childhood and marrying the future king within days of discovering he was romantically involved with Camilla. She struggled with her new life, didn't have the coping mechanisms needed. I'm sure both she and a Charles were miserable. Her death was a tragedy. The royal family seemed to attempt to protect William and Harry by staying away from London but I don't accept most people could believe taking two boys to Church, in public, within a couple of hours of telling them their mother was dead, was in any way protective. The family were in shock,like most people. There was some public anger expressed but that dissipated as soon as they returned to London. The Queen is extremely popular. I wasn't a Royalist as a younger woman but she acts well as out head of state.

I don't see that 'the same is happening now' as the op suggests. I do feel Theresa May is having a torrid time but I don't think that's what was meant. I may of course be wrong.

So, I don't believe our society is to Americanised. I don't know enough about celebs to criticise. I've only seen Lily Alen being interviewed and I couldn't find fault with her

I think there is a bit of exaggeration going on here, just the sort of display that Annie is against.
Who has been dragged in front of the cameras to show their grief in public?

I agree Annie- since Diana there has been so much more public grieving as if it is the nations new pasttime.

People can grieve quietly in the privacy of their own homes and are being prevented from this by relatives dragging them in front of TV cameras.

Nothing bitter in saying she dropped most of her charities when she lost her HRH ,I brought Diana into this because of the hounding queenie got from not rushing back to London, so not a thread about Diana, just a question, should the public demand anyone makes a public display of their emotions .

If you wish then the criticism queenie got for not displaying her affection for her children publicly , sixty years on we have seen private videos of her being affectionate with her children, so we judged harshly and we were wrong.

Just wanted to say I don't agree with the description of public hysteria over Diana's death. Yes, there was a huge outpouring of public emotion not seen before, but no hysteria. Nor do I remember her no longer being less huggy after her divorce, unless it's because she was not carrying out royal engagements bringing her in contact with those who needed a hug. It was an unhappy marriage and Diana died in tragic circumstances years ago. Unless related to the couple, why do some people sound so bitter?

Exactly, merlot. Lily Allen was born in Hammersmith, right next door to Kensington.

It must be difficult for celebs who live nearby to pay their respects/offer support with so many camera crews around. I saw a picture of a clearly upset Brooklyn Beckham, looking at the message wall. He had a minder with him who put an arm in front of the camera so obviously not a deliberate photo opportunity.

If they don't do anything and just hide in their expensive houses they'll be criticised so it's damned if they do and damned if they don't.