Displaying emotions

You are obsessed anniebach.

Because it is not possible to feel another persons pain, one can ache for someone suffering grief or illness but not feel the pain,,imagine it yes, feel it no.

being..

Annie, how do you know JC didn't feel there pain? I'm sure most people, whatever there political views in a situation, can sympathise with the victimes of violence, it's what comes with neing human.

True, Corbyn felt the pain of the tower victims but not of the victims of the IRA or the victims of his friends Hamas.

Doesn't fit with Donne's No Man Is An Island does it

Of course Annie - but then that isn't what anyone has said is it?

If we truely felt the pain of every bereaved person we knew we would have very short lives , we would waste away with constant suffering.

grr. hear not here

I think labour pains is a good example WKf. You also here of twins feeling one another's pain. Obviously something that some people can feel.

I remember once crossing the road in order to speak to someone who had suddenly lost her husband. I knew her (we were on a committee together) but she was not a close friend. Seeing her from the other side of the road made me remember what people say. I think she was a bit surprised but some time later she thanked me - I was surprised she remembered - and said that some people seemed to avoid her, especially in the early days.

i always thought Corbyn was more like Shelley or one of the other romantic poets.

Shared pain may be an Americanism although that is debatable there is a lot of stuff on the net about the psychology of it. It certainly fits in with John Donne's thoughts in the 1600s
'No man is an iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if a clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee....'

it is

I've read about it happening, but it still hard to accept.

Wilma the sad thing is that the crossing the road reaction is apparently not uncommon.

GGMK2 I agree. I know it's not the same thing and I'm not trying to trivialise this, but what about men who have sympathy labour pains? I can't think of anything more important than allowing a person their feelings no matter what. I don't think I have it in me to cross the road as Rigby mentioned. Everyone is different.

Good post Rigby. I think we have all felt that fear when we meet up with someone - often, I think when we don't know them well - that we might get it wrong. But, like you, the only comment I have ever heard is that acknowledging the person and the loved one is what is needed.

In fact, for a long time know I've tried really hard never to say "I know how you feel." in any situation because it is not true.

I can totally understand that point of view but it is your point of view WKf and you must do what is right for you.

What I don't understand is Jen saying that she felt her husbands pain (literally - he was still alive) only to be told that it is impossible to feel another's pain. It seems a supremely arrogant comment to say you not only know that person cannot have done so but also that it is actually not possible, just because it is not what you have felt.

Whenever I read about what people who have been bereaved say what helped and what didn't , they all say that the worst thing of all is the person who crosses the road to avoid having to say anything and those who never mention the fact of the death or the dead persons name. I've never read of anyone analysing the exact words used by the person who does express their sympathy to them and critiquing them. The bereaved people say just acknowledging the fact of the death and a few personal words about the person, maybe a hug is all it takes. For me, what I say or do will be different in every case depending mostly on how well I know the people involved. There's no script for this just don't overthink it - be yourself and just be there.

Yes, that makes sense Wilma.

But nothing compares to personal loss.

I agree roses. In fact, for a long time know I've tried really hard never to say "I know how you feel." in any situation because it is not true. A person my have some idea of what another person is feeling, but it will never be exactly the same. It can actually be the wrong thing to say because you're almost denying the other person's feelings and cause resentment. Hope that last bit makes sense.

I am loath to offer the DM as relevant literature but this article is about properly conducted research so you might like to read it. Ouch! We really CAN feel the physical pain of others

This idea that one person says how or what they feel and another person sees it as OK to say that they cannot or do not is a new one to me. Do you go round in real life saying "I know you said that was how you felt but I know better. I am telling you that this cannot be true". Weird or what?

Eleothan, I have said I would say the same no matter who said it, I find them empty words, I do prefer deeply saddened more feeling thsn I feel your pain, I suppose the former has dignity and I am sure she was deeply saddened., it's no different to - I am so sorry, I find I have no problem with snyone eho doesn't do dramatics. And May doesn't .

Actually, I have never heard anyone who isn't American saying that phrase, but maybe others have.

But nothing compares to personal loss.