Missed Opportunities (or if only I had known)

Stayed on at school for two years after leaving age to do a Secretarial Course. At 21 I was secretary to Matron at the local hospital. Getting married later and moving to the big City all of 25 miles away I applied for a job as secretary to Director of Community Relations. I got this job, not knowing that they had been seeking a graduate but none of the graduates had the broader experience. My salary doubled.

Most of the staff were seconded Civil Servants and after one year the Community Relations Division was being integrated within the full Civil Service including those like myself who had been employed directly.

My engineer husband of one year decided he'd take a well paid job on the continuent and so I went with him.... bad mistake.
At that time I didn't know his occasionally odd behaviour was Paranoid Psychotic Schizophrenia. He couldn't hold down the job, never really worked again.
The rest of my working life was in mediocre offices on a mediocre wage while he claimed benefits.
At 25 years old I had given up a Civil Service position at graduate level. There was scope for a career ladder, a good pension. I could have easily afforded to leave him and strike out on my own much sooner than the 22 years that I stayed with him until my own emotional health could take it no longer.

Hindsight is wonderful.

Well, thank you very much, Bez
I don't feel patronised in the slightest. I do pride myself on always doing my very best for those I support, so thank you!

MISADVENTURE. ....You are doing a Very Valuable job if it involves looking after vulnerable people.

On behalf of them....Thank You for your work.

I hope that doesn't sound patronising....
I don't mean it to.

Allowing my parents to rubbish my creative ability thus turning down the opportunity to apply for art college in London. Allowing my mother to continually prefix everything about me with 'too', too young, too tall, too fat etc etc

Whilst wishing that I had had more confidence (there is a lot of that about), I am sure things happen for a reason and I wouldn't really want things to be any different now.

I was training to be a cardio respiratory technician aged 18 when I was approached by the QAs (Queen Alexandra's royal army nursing corps ) but I turned down this amazing opportunity because I wanted to get married instead. The marriage ended in divorce less than 7 years later. The only silver lining was having a wonderful DD. All that travel and all those places I missed seeing, I should have gone with the QAs I was definitely too young to get married.

Lots of posts about exes, and how our DCs and DGCs compensate for going through the bad times. That's something I really share, although sometimes I wish I had provided them with a better dad and grandad.

Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have stayed at home and got a job but should have gone to Uni as I intended, however, my A Level results meant that I didn't get a place at the Uni that I wanted and was in a serious relationship. To be honest if I had gone down that path, I might not have DD, DS and the two DGD's (or the divorce ) the two DGD's make it all worth it

Valeriej I think I wrote your post .....identical

So many. But I also feel my childhood experiences took away all my confidence,

When the Open University was new, a friend who had a job as a computer tutor asked me why I didn't inquire about jobs as a literature tutor. I thought then that I might not be good enough. Looking back, I know that I was and could have had a good career in adult education.

I always wanted to work at Great Ormand Street but got married instead

I should have carried on living away from home after uni and lived with my husband instead of marrying him. It was 1969 and, contrary to what pop stars etc would have everyone believe, most didn't sleep around, take drugs etc many of us didn't want to shock our parents and still toed the line!

Just one, chucked my boyfriend as he seemed to be a perpetual student with no intention of getting a job, just getting more and more qualifications to his name. In fairness he was always psycho-analysing someone or other; my friends and family, and even myself, and that got on my nerves too.
It was only when I saw him on TV twenty years later, being interviewed as a specialist psychologist in Los Angeles, radiating confidence and money that I wondered "what if"?
Then again, I have a wonderful DH, DS, DDiL and DGS, and I wouldn't have wanted to live in the heat of LA, so............

I wish I had been more assertive, not so obedient to my parents' wishes and gone into teaching, instead I ended up in a dead-end job in a bank.
But - like many posters - I would never had married DH and had a really wonderful life with 3 DCs and 3 DGCs.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

Oh goodness ! so many ...now tell anyone who asks never to turn down an opportunity ! I had a chance to do an FSVA course paid for by my employer including driving lessons. Said No. Then offered a maisonette for £3,000 (back in 1967) with a mortgage arranged. Said no ! (why ?????) ...had the chance to go to firstly Australia and another to South Africa. Couldn't take the first as father refused to sign forms (had to be 21 in those days_ Second because I didn't think I could live with the terrible apartheid in SA.....often wonder what life would have been like if I had taken any of those opportunities !

..I too believe the path we choose is destiny....✨

I went to see the careers teacher in 1969. I said I'd love to go to art college. I was good at art, and loved textiles. She scoffed at the idea and said I should get a job in a boutique if I liked fashion. I did this and hated it. I ended up working in office jobs all my life. I know my school failed me, but it was the way it was in 1969. My mother, bless her, had the attitude that I would get married so jobs weren't important.

My first marriage was not good and I knew I had made a bad mistake but as I had three children I stayed in it far too long until I caught him cheating. Now in a very happy second marriage I do sometimes reflect I should have got out of my first marriage far sooner. But we live and learn. Maybe being in the bad relationship helped me be appreciative and successful in my second marriage.

I regret leaving school in a huff after O levels. I wish I had gone on to further education.
My parents were not happy together & I was in a bit of a mess & decided to do my own thing. Looking back I did it to get back at them- you know the whole 'look what a mess YOU have made of MY life' thing! A year later & I may have been more mature & sensible.
Having said that I did OK but I regret not having more qualifications.

There can't be a person on earth who doesn't sometimes lie awake in the middle of the night thinking of what might have been. I've a lot of little regrets and some I'd rather keep to myself as there is shame attached.
A smallish thing - I could have stayed behind at school one evening a week to learn to play the violin but let myself be persuaded not to as my twin sister didn't want to walk home by herself. How pathetic is that? I would probably have made the most awful racket but I'll never know. Another who wished she'd had more confidence.
Job wise my mum persuaded me to become a junior florist at £6 a week instead of a sewing machinist for only £5! As I love to sew I wonder how that would have panned out? I'll never know.

Here's another pregnant at 17 - which meant I didn't go to Cambridge as I had always planned.
Finally took a Masters a few years ago which my closest friends noted made me into a more relaxed person (as I finally had 'proof' that I was intelligent!) but I've often wondered how my life would have turned out if I hadn't got pregnant

So so many, not being able to afford to go to University had a lot to do with it. Evening classes weren't going to realise my ambitions sadly. But, hey, if I had taken a different path, I would never have met my old codger of a husabnd, which really would have been a missed opportunity! We have always been and still are very happy together and thats what matters!

I always think missed opportunities were never meant to be

Having had a pretty poor start in life I cannot believe my luck in now enjoying a lovely family and house and garden. Things have not always been a bed of roses but who is to say they would have been better had I done something different. They might well have been worse. I am grateful for my life and its many blessings.

However, I will admit that sounds sanctimonious and smug so I'll admit I regret finishing off the Champagne in the hot garden last night.