Should I stay

Can you both join a club involving some gentle sport eg bowls so that at least you get out and about together? Join the National Trust and do some walking around the lovely grounds of properties if he doesn't want to join U3A and their strollers?

Is he actually refusing to go out or is it a case of different ideas about where to go. I expect if you were both out working that masked some of the differences. Yes go out and join in with whatever takes your fancy, as others have said, something to talk about over meals. Second TV, well I suppose if there is only one at least you are sitting together.....

A friend encouraged her OH to get out more and join things, he did and met someone else. It's a dilemma.

Noooooo Smithty retirement isn't lonely when you live on your own. For me, it's wonderful to do as I please and not be subservient to a man. My retirement started with small steps. Joining the U3A and learning a new hobby, that hobby took over and as given me a new social circle. in 2015 I joined a Meetup group in the local area, walks theatre, talks NT the list is endless, you can do as much or as little as you want and also of course affordability!!! Next week I have organised a day trip to London. 14 of us going. 241 tickets for the Thames river cruise. Just a taster Bettyboo22 we have married ladies in the group whose husbands do not want to do anything SOOOO small steps and* LIVE LAUGH and LOVE.*

My husband was the same with sport, anything involving a ball, usually. Also crab fishing, extreme fishing and time team! I sat with my iPad and earphones on watching the programmes I liked. He died two years ago and there hasn't been a football match, rugby, golf or any other sport of fishing on since!

Do you love him? Do you like him? Do you even want to try to improve the situation between yourselves? Maybe these are some of the questions you can ask yourself before you carryon. Sit him down and tell him how you're feeling and that you want more in life with him. If he's not willing to make changes, you'll have to decide if you want to live this way for the rest of your days.

Yes, stay with him if you still love him, but get rid of the TV! A TV-free life is liberating, believe me. I refused to get one when I left my ex although he tried to persuade me that I couldn't live without it - wrong!! Join U3A, volunteer etc. Women are great at organising themselves and I'm sure there are many local groups you can get involved in. Leave him at home if that's what he chooses and stop worrying about his obsession as it will eat you up eventually. You need to live your life,now.

My husband can also endlessly watch sport on telly when he is "resting" (he is not retired and works hard plus does gardening plus DIY). Some of the commentators drive me nuts so guess what ... I moan and he changes the channel. Or I push off and sit elsewhere and knit, faff on GN or I cook or bake. Do my own thing in other words.

We do have "house rules" though e.g. the TV isn't on all day. Heaven forbid.

Sorry no new ideas!

Bettyboo 22 I know how you feel! I've had the same problem and I resulted in having a tv and armchair in dining room so I can watch what I like. In fact I'm dreading the next couple of weeks as it will be wall to wall Wimbledon! I shall just go out and enjoy myself. Life is too short to be a couch potato. We occasionally have an afternoon out but only if there's no sport on tv. Rosesarered has hit the nail on the head, that is exactly what happens in my house. I try to be sociable at weekend evenings and sit with him, but he chooses what to watch, usually a film, then he falls asleep holding the remote. So if it's a rubbish film I can't even change channels without waking him up. Frustrating, but DH has his good points so not a reason to leave him. I guess there is more to Bettyboo's marital problems than just the tv.

Try to go for counselling together. Sounds like this has much more going on than just differing preferences for TV programmes...

I agree about the control issue. It's time to take things into your own hands and find some outside interests, enjoy yourself and maybe your husband will want to join in time. As a soap fan myself and I make no apologies, make yourself a comfortable space somewhere with your own TV and relax .

Hi thanks for replys yes he has always been like this it's just the cricket thing has got worse and I know it's not just about TVs it's the lack of things we have in common I used to love dancing and going out and now there's none of that years ago for instance we went to Greece what did he do sat and read a book every day wouldn't go swimming with me left it to let to book any trips out so we went nowhere . And no he wouldn't like it if I joined clubs and went dancing in my own ?

It does sound as though he is controlling. What would be the worst thing to happen if you did join a club and went dancing on your own?

He would get the hump oh blimey is it worth it

Oh bettyboo you are the person who is responsible for your own happiness, no one else. If you want a different kind of life make it happen. Start gently and do something for yourself. You never know it might shock him and encourage him to try something else. And next time you're on holiday bloody book the trips and if he won't go, tough! you u go without him. Good luck, take small steps and good luck

Ooh, double good luck

If your only differences are about the tv and sport etc, then that can be worked on and improved. You have every right to assert yourself . Lots of good suggestions above. But I feel there might be more to it than this. If you are really unhappy then do something about it. Marriage does not necessarily have to be for ever. You can make a fresh start, - I did after 32 years of marriage and never regretted it.

From the other side of the fence, I love watching sport and my husband doesn't. I have a TV by my computer where I am working most of the time, and watch it on there, so he has the use of the main TV and one in his summerhouse to watch whatever he likes, and we watch some programmes together if they are what we both like. We do go out and about together so it's not a problem for us, although I'm sure he would prefer it if I wasn't into sport so much!

Do you ever go out on your own - say with girl friends ?

Lead him by the hand and go for a walk - gives you both good exercise and a chance for a chat

If all else fails, how about you have an affair ? You may enjoy the attention that it brings - plus all the extra stimulation !

I have had great success with "IllicitEncounters"
When you sign up - with a safe email email address - you will be bombarded with sleazy offers, but once you dismiss the timewasters and toy-boys you may be pleasantly surprised !
.

I'm R3 listener and enjoy weekly Aquafit group, local choir, I read, play computer games and have a whole range of things I enjoy. He gets up mid-afternoon and turns on TV - I may catch up with occasional classic drama (just watched Roots and currently into Poldark). Occasional films, sometimes catch up with Corrie or Emmerdale, but normally wouldn't bother to have TV in house. But absolutely loathe daytime repeats of things that weren't worth watching first time round!!! But I ignore his viewing and vice versa!

not sure whats happened to this forum, but most everyday i get a notification of a post and its somebody moaning . im pretty sure its the same person starting all these threads [perhaps using different aliases?]
they always write in a certain style, often moaning about their daughter / partner , "at my wits end ....what can i do?"
They get the usual gamut of helpful replies .

I think some counselling or psychological therapy for you Bettyboo, is a good idea. You need to explore yourself, your own needs and how, over the years, you have been subtly manipulated into avoiding doing anything that he wouldn't like. This would help you to understand the dynamics of your relationship and develop some confidence. Even if you decide to leave him, you will need that, as he probably won't accept it quietly. His likely reaction to you doing anything really ("he would get the hump") should not be preventing you from living your life. We only get one. This isn't a rehearsal!

I agree with Devongirl title of post is more than just getting another tv, seems to go much deeper than that surely.

You need to talk to each other properly and be honest. Your expectations of retirement and your husband's are obviously very different. What you might have thought would happen has"nt and it won't be solved just by buying a second TV. I worked in supported housing before I retired and met many people ....two spring to mind here. One lady who came to view a flat because she could no longer bare living with her husband because he was a control freak, and since their retirement it had become unbearable living with him and felt the only way forward was to give him a much needed wake up call. She was offered the flat..then at the last minute turned it down persuaded by her adult children to stay! I used to see her occasionally at the shops ...very downcast and wishing she had made a different choice. The second person I met when I went to work at the next place had already left her marital home ...because of complete and utter boredom! The arguments they had because of his unwillingness to do anything except watch the telly..while she was like a recycled teenager that never stopped doing. Her adult children did not take sides but supported and loved them both equally. I think the lack of conversations between couples BEFORE retirement is half the problem.When still working with more structure and focus to the day retirement seems like heaven to some...and a nightmare to others. Whatever you do and I"m not suggesting you throw in the towel..but highlighting the extremes that some people feel driven to in exasperation. You are as important as your husband is ...shock him...dance on the table naked...but get that conversation started.

When sport is on TV I watch what I want on my laptop with full headphones so I don't have to hear it (the yelling and chanting at football matches drives me mad!). DH doesn't mind because we are still in the same room and he still feels he has company.