How do you make new friends in later life?

Sorry to hear that oldwoman70 - that is against everything that NWR stands for- it was formed specifically to get away from talking about home and family!
We have a programme for at least 6months ahead and it is chosen together at a planning meeting - trying to get a variety of serious, lighthearted etc.
We also don't have the same night every meeting so that it doesn't always clash with someone's choir night.

It already exists Apricity they are Red Hatters

Sorry, Niobe

Hi Nisbet, have just seen your post. Yes would love to meet up . We moved to Wanstead 7 years ago and have made some friends but find it difficult. Where would be convenient to you? Thing is always have loads to do round the house and garden but that gets lonely and boring. Husband works long hours.
What sort of thing are you interested in ?

Don't know where you're based, but look at Meetup. It has so many options of group meetings. Reckon one of the walking ones would be a good start.

Radicalgran, I like you.
I don't understand why you are trying to hang out with these boring people. Come on go out find out if local a local art gallery has a support group or lectures in art and the same with the theatre. If you want to go to the theatre, just go on your own, tell others and there will be others who want to come and maybe drive you.

You may think you are not a stunner but I think you are and your personality and wit seem your best assets,

Cliqueyness, they won't let you in because they are scared you will challenge them or steal their friend. Lack of empathy, they have no understanding of loneliness and forgotten if they ever new how it feels to be the new person alone, they most likely joined with a friend,
Every club, group must have a member whose role is to welcome new members and introduce them to others who will look-after them. It sets up an ethos of friendliness and eventually the clique want to join these friendly people .

There seems to be a great need for a group for WOWs-wicked older women. Women with a wicked twinkle in their eyes, girls who still want to have fun, to be ireverent, have opinions, be informed. Perhaps there could be a Gransnet WOW group? And then see what happens....

No Tillywiz she hasn't asked me. I have observed how desperate she is for friendship/human contact. She is emotionally very needy which, ironically, puts folk off! She has little time for making the effort for friendships, she's literally just surviving day to day. She doesn't retire for a few years yet either!

LETITIA......Thank you So Much for the NWR LINK.

I might find it useful.

I am relieved (but saddened) to read that others have had negative experiences with U3A, as it gets such a good press everywhere. I still can hardly believe some of my experiences : Racism - tick; homophobia - tick;extreme cliqueiness - tick; exclusion tactics - tick....and more. What has worked is Oddfellows - brilliant, see if there's a branch near you; singing - find a choir without an audition, you'll soon get better; yoga/Zumba/dance/exercise - you do have to persevere and kiss a lot of frogs. Oh, and some WI and TG are not friendly, either. 'You can't sit there', This is the way we've always done it' (even when it's barmy), 'We're saving this row of seats'. Gosh, girls, I didn't realise I was so cross, mainly, I think, because I am a pretty confident person but mind very much for the people who aren't. I real life, I'm quite a pussycat (ahem) . Friendly greetings to all xx

Such a good question and it's like someone said, do you want friends,, are you happy just the way you are??

It's very much a personal thing but maybe hard for some people to believe or understand that not everyone wants or needs friends.

But to answer your question as to how you can make friends when you are older is that there are many ways..

The WI which is the women's Institute, is the best way to make friends of all ages.

Join a local knitting or sewing group.

Join the church Mothers Group.. again any age group as Grandmas are also welcome

Join an evening class

Become a Volunteer

Join a local Reading club

The list is endless but she is going to need to make some effort and maybe you should ask her if she does actually want to have friends in her life..

Best wishes to your sister hope she finds what she's looking for

oldwoman70 I think you have been really unfortunate with your local NWR group. I joined one 10 years ago and the meetings always keep to the topic on the programme. We have one lady who often wants to talk about anything and everything but also one very determined lady who manages to steer the conversation back on track! There is always general chatting over coffee but I don't know much about the personal lives of many of the members.

Loopy loo I am in Redbridge. Have only moved here 18 months ago and would love to meet up.

Is anyone near the Wanstead Woodford, East London area who would like to meet up ?
I know exactly what everyone means by meeting people but not having close friends. Because we have moved around my old friends are miles away.

I came across this purely by chance...perhaps others can arrange meetings in their local area?

Northumberland Meetup

31/07/2017 12:52 Plainjaney

Hi to all Northumberland Gransnetters!

I'd like to arrange a meetup for us in September- my suggestion is:

Monday, 11th September at Heighley Gate garden centre near Morpeth at 10.30.

you have to be a joiner. Join anything and everything to give it a go. If it doesn't suit you then be a leaver

Im sorry to hear people have found U3a cliquey - the geoup I go to is friendly and welcoming and we have a great time. However i did try anotger group in the same town and didnt enjoy it a bit so stoped goong. There are dozens of groyps in my locl u3a and i think you have to keeo trying till you find the right group for you - they are all different and it really depends on the people in the group. Anyone who is in a U3A group, NWR , choir , WI ir ant other i terest grop wase note the comments people ave written here and make an wffort to be friendly and welcoming to newcomers even if you dont feel like it!!
When I used to go to NHR (as it was then) we werent allowed to talk about our children or husbands or anything domestic (I found it quite hard) so Im surprised that at NWR (as it is now ) allows them to talk about grandchildren.

The friends I have had for years are all scattered now. Over the country or overseas. I can always call or e mail etc. I have tried to make new friends by all the means suggested above but I have a problem with motivation. Somehow I feel lonely from time to time but when it comes to going out and meeting people, I can't be bothered. The draw isn't there somehow. I have made friends but I don't want to just aimlessly talk. I have done voluntary work but it's just hard work for free. I found working with paid people meant they didn't think you were worth knowing other than a friendly work mate. I belong to meet up but it's more about men and women getting together and gossiping about how the men go from one lady to another. So feeling a bit down about it as it's never been a problem before.

One of my few talents in life is to make and keep friends - my best friend of 30-odd years lives 5 minutes walk away and I still have friends from schooldays. So this is not a problem that affects me personally but just to make a few observations.

As others have said, you need to work at friendships - you can join all the clubs you like but you have to make yourself available to meet up and suggest get-togethers.

Although I have my long-standing friends and most of all my sister to rely upon, about 4 years ago I became friends with a colleague I used to see occasionally on my agency nursing visits. We are now firm friends and have so much in common - we meet about once a month but email and text frequently, so you can make new friends in later life, if you want to.

I suppose also, like everything else, it's a matter of 'luck' whether you meet people who you're compatible with - sometimes you just click with someone, then a friendship can develop.

I have a few friends and they mean a lot to me. I've mostly known them many years. I'm slightly fed up of this culture that suggests we must all have loads of friends and in my experience, those that do, often have no-one close to them really-so I would call them all acquaintances. That said, perhaps your sister doesn't want any friends at the moment. Personally, I'd be far more worried about her ongoing depression than anything else and I'd've thought that runs deeper than needing a friend. Maybe you could suggest she has some support for that if she's open to it.

Slightly puzzled - has your SIL asked you how to make friends?

Although I have always been a bit of a loner and longed for friends, I managed to be true to myself and be more or less accepted by others. I was relatively satisfied with this. Now in my early sixties, the quality of all my relationships seems to be lackluster. People seem to dismiss what I say if they listen at all. It seems to me that it was possible to speak and relate honestly and authentically with others when I was younger, even acquaintances and colleagues. I expect that I am dull too. The people in my main U3A group are nice but it seems to be a competition re holidays abroad. Everyone is so respectable. I would like some bad friends too. You don't have to be doing glamorous, exotic things to be interesting. There's a quality of warmth and a spark I long for but I probably haven't got it either. I am also going through the motions without joy, radicalnan, wondering if I am supposed to feel like this now. Also feeling guilty for not appreciating my fairly privileged life. It helps to know others have similar feelings.

I don,t really think you can help a person to make friends as such. They have to put something into themselves. Friendship is a two-way thing...to have a friend you need to be a friend. Some people are not lonely in their own company while others feel lonely in a crowd. It does get harder as you get older,especially once you retire and your workmates and social contacts can get much smaller over time. We have a really big library here which has allsorts of notices up advertising various groups and local events taking place but you either have to want to join in or find the confidence to join in. I would throw myself into everything whole heartedly in my younger years (more confidence) but tend to be far more cautious and wary now. I guess as so many people move away from their roots now for work etc., the type of communities that used to be a few decades back are few and far between and there is a lot more lonelyness than ever before when a friendly face used to be the norm.

I have no friends, but many acquaintances which gets me through..because I can switch off whenever I want to without explanation, which is what I do quite often. I have always been happy in my own company. I am lucky that I have never suffered from low self esteem which has enabled me to go to events/walking on my own etc. Low self esteem is the crux of the matter for your sister in law. She just needs "one push" with your help. Are there any coffee mornings, Knit and natter/bookart/music groups in her area, these are great places for people in her position. I've met numerous people in her position at groups I attend, you can see it on their faces. Everyone is made to feel so welcome that they come back again and they eventually start to gain confidence and join in the chitter chatter. Small steps.

Leticia - sorry to disagree but I joined NWR and as I don't have grandchildren found myself excluded from conversations and ignored. Gave up after trying for almost a year. NWR leaders are supposed to chose a subject to be discussed at the next meeting, in the group I joined, this subject was largely ignored and everyone talked about the achievements of their grandchildren. Now I was happy to congratulate them but I didn't want to spend an entire evening sitting in a corner listening to them.