Conflict between DH & Mother

So long as your DH is civil to your mother and she to him when they do meet (such as at the wedding), and so long as you have thanked her for both of you for the money, I don't see that it's really a big problem.

We don't know the nature of the insult. His reaction might be quite a natural one and so might his not wanting her under his roof and not wanting to have an actual conversation with her. If he acknowledges her politely when they are in the same place, and she him, then perhaps that's all you can expect.

My daughter went through this. Her DH did not speak to his family for about 4 years. My daughter bit the bullet and asked his parents to meet her for a coffee. They were so grateful for a chance to talk things over. Once everything was out in the open she encouraged her DH to get in touch with them. Now all is s orted out and everyone is happy.

Being in the middle of such a situation [DH and his sister], I can only sympathise. Have to say that, when invited to DD's wedding, she came, but studiously avoided us when we tried to talk to her! We got the message. Now she is trying to mend the bridges, DH is polite, but won't go any further. His problem. [I never liked her in the first place, but was always dutiful..]
Just let go... tell DH he is silly, keep in touch with your mother, but don't let him cut you off from her.
good luck!

I think OP should tell her mother before deciding to keep the money for herself...

I agree with luckygirl. Keep it for yourself. Carry on seeing your mum and let them deal with one another.

Sounds like she dented his ego. As it's your home as well as his, he doesn't have the right to forbid you to allow your mother to visit.

IngeJones, OP said earlier she already sent a thank you card signed from both of them.

Usually one would speak on behalf of both, if both felt the same.. not the case here.

You thank her on behalf of both of you. When you are a couple it's perfectly normal for one to speak on behalf of both. You're a unit.

I don't see why the OPs mum should be the one to keep offering the olive branch and having it rebuffed. He isn't the centre of the universe, I'm sure he can manage to get over the insult.

He sounds very stubborn.

Difficult to judge, not knowing what the original insult was from your mother; when they 'made up' did she actually apologise for the insult? If it was really offensive then I can understand why it should rankle with your husband even after three years. Perhaps she could be persuaded to write a letter to him with another apology if the first one was a bit lukewarm. Other than that, I'd leave it to rest and hopefully your daughter's wedding will work some magic on them both.

I would think your OH has never liked your mums company and is now using this as an excuse not to visit or have her visit you,I would never have my OH dictate who is welcome in our home if he doesn't like the person he has the choice of going out or visiting his "man shed" for a few hours.Does this man not realise how miserable he is making your life at home he sounds like a spoilt child who can't get his own way.

I wouldn't make a thing of it. Three years isn't that long where hurt pride is concerned. He knows she's a good and generous mother whether he cares to acknowledge it or not. I appreciate that you would like it laid to rest before the wedding but unless you think there could be a confrontation, perhaps the wedding will be the occasion when it resolves itself.

My son in law has never thanked me, even for birthday money for himself. My daughter is immensely grateful for my help and swears he is too but he and I have very different views of the world's people and he just can't seem to get beyond his dislike of my liberal beliefs. For the sake of my DD stuck in the middle I ignore it and when we meet we muddle by politely but with no love lost.

I suspect that the more you push, the more he will dig in his heels. Sounds like my 3 year old grandson.

Wishing you the best of luck

Of course without knowing the cause of the conflict or how bad the insult was we can't understand your husband's feelings. If they 'made up' I don't understand 'he won't allow her to visit'. It sounds a bit childish and if it's upsetting you I'm surprised he isn't more supportive.
Equally, if it bothers you, why not ask your mum why she never asks after him?
Regarding the money-if you addressed a thank you card from both of you I can't see the problem.
Weddings are always tricky, but presuming he loves both you and your daughter, he will understand or even expect that your mother is invited and if he's not asked to make a decision about that, it's probable there will be no issue. They can avoid speaking to each other without it being noticed unless a big fuss is made. Hope everything goes well.

And another thing, can he not see this is upsetting you. He could be civil, it wouldn't hurt, to make you happy. People like him just like to make everyone feel awkward, annoys me no end. My biggest bugbear apart from poo bags left on trees!

I think your husband is a pain in the neck. He should grow up and leave the past where it is, it can't be changed.

Agree with others if he can't personally say thank you ( or possibly write a thank you note) why on earth should he benefit from your mums generosity. Don't be 'in the middle' tell he should be suppporting you &get over himself .

Don't share the money.

I'd tell you DH in no uncertain terms that enough is enough. How rude of him not to bury the hatchet and thank your mother for her generosity.

Sorry we don't know the reason behind their original row but to hang onto bad feeling knowing it is hurting you for three years says more about your husband than your mother I think he sounds like a spoilt kid
I prickle at the words he 'didn't allow her to visit ' sounds very controlling and I m afraid I wouldn't have been able to go along with that at all
I think Luckygirls advice is spot on

I thanked mum for her generous gift when she handed me the cheque and then sent a thank you card that I signed from both of us. I am in regular contact with mum seeing her once a week but due to a conflict that lead her to insulting him, he vowed not to go and see her again. At the time of the argument they both made up and although I thought awkward, they would move on. Mum often asks how he is but never asks why he doesn't visit. I have asked him several times to come with me or make contact. A big development in the family is that our daughter is getting married next year and my mum will be there and I really would like this situation resolved before then. I feel the gift is an olive branch on her part.

Can you ask your DH to put the row to rest for you? Say it is making you very miserable and if he loves you he should sort it out. Good luck!

Why did they fall out? This may have a bearing on my answer

I dont think it would hurt your husband to thank your mum, as he will no doubt benefit from the money. Its just bad manners not to.