When is a good time to die?

My Mum decided she was old in her mid 50s but had no intention of dying, especially when we finally managed to present her with grandchildren. She managed to go on grumbling for 30 years until Dad died 4 years ago, after which she kept repeating that she wanted to die for about a year. After that she descended into dementia and now has no thoughts about anything, though obviously finds life totally bewildering and spends a lot of time crying without knowing why. I wish she had died shortly after Dad to spare her this current misery.

mcem a lovely way to go.

Having lost a son "by his own hand" as the saying goes, at the age of 19, I can't really think when might be a good time to die.

But if we are disregarding age, I would like to die after a bloody good meal with some good wine, champagne, and a few scotch and sodas!

What with this, and the Swedish death clean thread, aren’t we getting a bit morbid? ?

Heard today of the death of a distant relative.
10 years ago he and his wife moved into very sheltered housing. After 2 years she died but he remained in his little flat with carers twice a day and all meals provided. He enjoyed his sociable meals in the dining room with his fellow residents. He'd recently suffered significant loss of sight and hearing.
2 weeks ago he was admitted to hospital with gastric problems and after a few days was moved to a unit for assessment and rehab. He'd decided that he'd be happier in a residential home and his SW said that if that's what he wanted she'd have it organised in the next week or two.
On Sunday he had a massive stroke and died peacefully last night just half-an-hour after his niece left him sleeping.
He was 103.

Anniebach - yes!

I agree with Witzend before I become a burden to my family and before I stop enjoying the little things.

Well, my perspective is that I'd like to die when my GCs are young adults (although given the age spread, it'll be a stretch!).
When the GCs are young, they and their parents need GPs' support - practically & emotionally. As they get older (generalising here!) they will be thinking more about their future lives, planning their education, training, moving away etc. It is my observation that the blow of a GP's death is cushioned because of what else is going on in their lives (and maybe a bit of a legacy at a time it is needed!).
With any luck, my death at about that time will free my kids to enjoy their middle age without worrying about me.

However, it can't be planned, so I plan what I can to make life easier in old age, and in the meantime, enjoy the life I am lucky enough to have at the moment.

Preferably before you become mentally or physically incapable, let alone both. Who on earth wants to be obliged to have help with washing, dressing, having a shower? Who wants to be a burden to their children - even if they know their children would willingly care for them? Who would want any inheritance they may be lucky enough to leave, to be eaten up in care home fees?

I suppose I feel particularly strongly about it, since my mother died at 97, having had dementia for about 15 years. For her last few years she was doubly incontinent, didn't know any of her family, had no clue about anything, and was incapable of holding any sort of conversation. And even in the earlier stages she was very often anxious or agitated, or frightened of things she could not even name.

IMO it's a fate far worse than death.

Annsixty, Brilliant! For my mother, I think it was the channel tunnel that did it.
For me, I would like to go when I have won the lottery and cleared this house out. Although I suppose I will want to spend some of the money on dishy male escorts and champagne. The rest will help the children.

There was a 1950s comedian, whose name evades me, who had met up with some pals for lunch and a few bevies. He left the restaurant in high spirits, tripped and hit his head and died instantly. What a way to go

I am not being thoughtless in my comments here, it just sounds a good way to depart this life, as long as it happens in one's later years and don't ask me how late.

gillybob my mum was a widow for 26 yrs before she died aged 85. For the first few months we didn't think she would cope. She would get herself into a panic over all sorts of things which when dad was alive wouldn't have fazed her. Even though she had always run the household.
At the end she was bed ridden and mostly sleeping (dementia) I told her a few hours before she died that it was ok to let go. I don't want to linger like her. I want to go like dad, sitting happily watching TV one minute, gone the next.

The day after the money runs out.
Now to be serious, when life has nothing more to offer and becomes a burden.
My mother also was 4 months off 102 when she died. If she could have chosen I suspect it would have been just after she turned 101, she was perky and interested in everything until then, but her friend and her SiL who both lived in the same RH as her died within weeks of each other and she faded away 3 months later.

Not sure of the best time - and I know you said you're not talking about people who are ill.

But my lovely neighbour has endured 2 years of treatment for esophageal cancer, with more than one major surgery, stomach removed, shunts into his liver as the cancer spread, endless rounds of chemo.

He was actually admitted to the hospice after his last hospital stay - his widow came to tell me in tears that he wouldn't be back, and was then discharged after about three weeks - presumably because he hadn't died!

His "good time to die" passed ages ago, I feel so sorry for him lying there with a feeding tube. But perhaps it is as Teetime says, his life force is too strong.

Not sure of best time to die, but would very much like to be able to have some sort of choice in this. I would just like to have the same sort of responsibility of my time/place of death as I have in life.
I do not want to just go on being alive for the sake of it, and as I get older I really would be so much happier if I felt that I could have some choice. Would then like it to be in my own home, by injection, having had the time to sort out my affairs and made my goodbyes.

When I stopped breathing

Oh that has brought a tear to my eye paddyann .

My sister and I always said that my mum couldn't have lived a minute without my dad, whereas my gran lived for over 20 (very happy) years as a widow and she doted on my granddad too. I guess people cope in different ways.

I dont think there is a "best time" I used to say I'd like to see my kids grown and settles and happy,now they are and I'd like to see my GC grown and settled and happy,I dont think I'd want to be here if my OH died though ,I cant imagine a life without him so probably the best time for me is the same time as him .

The best time to die is before our children

Absolutely agree.

I think the best time to die is when life ceases to be enjoyable. I think there's a lot worse things in life than death.

My poor mum knew it was time to die when, just before her 74th birthday she said she just couldn't take any more Dialysis and came home from hospital knowing she would have only a week or so left to live. Such a contrast to my grandma (her mum).

The best time to die is before our children.

I smiled when I read your opening paragraph JackyB .

My dear grandma used to refer to herself as "old" when she was in her late 80's and say things like "I can't go on like this much longer" or "getting old is no fun" etc. When she hit 90 she seemed to get a new lease of life and said that she thought she might live forever. She was full of life and cheek too and a massive part of our small family. When she hit 99, she said "I don't want no bloody telegram from her Maj" (she was anti-royal) so it had better be this year. She got her wish.

My MIL didn't want to be 100 but she made it to three days before her 102.
My observation through 30years of nursing is that the life force is very strong and people will cling on to life as much as they can. I suppose I think the time to die is the time you die. I think I would pop myself off discretely under certain circumstances but you don't really know until it comes to it.