Droning on

My big failing is being a good listener, after a one sided conversation about my friend's GD in which she
doesn't pause for breath I literally have to interupt the flow to add a word or two about my own GD.

Unfortunately my sister does the same.We. Live hundreds of miles apart,and when I visit I love to meet her grandchildren,but it’s not the first time that a planned trip out has turned into an all day evening babysitting,as my niece needs a break. We usually arrange a bit of shopping and lunch,but then spend all of the time looking for somewhere we can get a buggy into, and then seeing to the baby’s needs,and all the time discussing all of her grandchildren’s teething potty training ,How well they are doing at school etc. Then she is pinging messages back and forth to her daughter,about the children.
I also have gc but unless it was an emergency,I wouldn’t take them on a planned day out,I always babysit when asked and love spending quality time with them,but would feel that it would be wrong to expect someone else to feel the same about my Gc. I have stopped planning trips with my sister as I do find it difficult and now I pop in for a coffee and a chat which is a shame,but even telephone calls are all about her daughter and gc.

How often do you meet, Eglantine21? Do you always do the same things when you meet up? Why not suggest something different? A walk, a bus trip, mooching around the charity shops, visiting a garden , an exhibition, a train trip, the museum. That might help break the habit of looking at her phone every five minutes.

I just carry on and see my friend of over 40 years occasionally as she is widowed and her family define her.Mine don't, I am myself and actually feel sorry for her.
You must decide if you can do it.

Yes Friday my said neighbour is like that. She will say 'Jean is doing so and so this week' or 'Chris has been to so and so' I have no idea who these people are

She's not a friend like yours Misadventure that does support in bad times. Other than she would take your mind off things.
And her daughterslve just down the road star bird so she's sees them every day. In fact they fatten drop in while I'm there.
I think it was the phone and Whatsapp that got to me. The constant interruption and the way her eyes would drift to it or she'd pick it up to check that a message hadn't come in without her noticing. I know now how little children must feel when their parents are always on the phone or pad!! No wonder they're sometimes cross and frustrated.
I guess Ihave to move into the 21st century!
I still don't know whether to say why I don't want to meet again or just let it drift.....

It definitely isn't just grannies. We're all guilty of going on about ourselves sometimes, but the person I know who does this the most has no family (other than one parent still alive) and does nothing but moan about life in general. Occasionally she'll say (in the middle of a very long monologue about herself) 'how are things with you? What about your family?' then after 30 seconds she's back talking about herself. I had a serious health problem a few years ago and I really thought that I would be able to talk about that for a while - nope, it was back to her problems within seconds. Having said all that, we've been friends for years, and rarely actually see each other, as she lives a long way off and doesn't drive. She is pretty lonely and I wouldn't want to break the friendship altogether. All friends can't be perfect!

My friend rang this afternoon, I didn't answer....
She had a medical appt this morning, she would want me to know the details, I wasn't in the mood.

Thank you for this thread Eglantine 21, I use to think I was alone in being incessantly talked at! Thankfully I have a few friends where the conversation is two way, but most of the time it feels like a one way street. One friend in particular use to phone up ,off load her life to date, ending with ' must go, good to talk to you '.... uh no you actually just talked at me !! The only contribution need from me was: oh dear , really, how awful etc etc ,What a blessing caller identity is. !! And it's not just friends, it's on trains,buses , waiting rooms etcetc. Now did I tell you all about the time ....... ??

True ffinnichio

I hate when people talk about soaps as though they are real life - I don't watch any of them (but listen to the Archers).

Eglantine how about lending your friend a book you have enjoyed and suggest she read it - remind her how much you used to both enjoy talking about books etc. At worst she will think you are fed up with talking about her GCs because you are jealous, but if she just visits to go on about them, it will not change anything. Does she actually visit them in the flesh or is this talk all a substitute for the real thing?

I would try to maintain the friendship. My friend who I have been moaning about was so lovely to me recently. No stuttering or faltering: she knew exactly what to say, and conveyed how much she valued our friendship, and wanted to look after me when my daughter died. So, I guess i'll carry on listening.

Well, I guess one either puts up with this behaviour from others, or one could change ones own behaviour.
Venting on here is fine, but it won’t alter the status quo. Passive listening certainly doesn’t seem to be ringing the bells, so do something about it. Or not. It really is up to you.

We met at work and always had a lot in common, the job, books, theatre, what was going on in the world, mutual acquaintances that we gossiped about, a sense of the ridiculous that made for lots of laughter. I'm sad to lose her.
So when she rings after Christmas to arrange our next meet-up do I say why I don't want to?
A while ago there was a thread about how upset people were when a friend dropped them and they didn't know why. People said it was cruel. What's best?

I get infuriated when my friend talks about the soap storylines. I have no idea who she is talking about.
She also likes to tell me about the films she watches in the afternoon, although she has had a stroke and her memory isn't good.
"So, this film was really good. There was this bloke who met a woman who he had already met, but I dont know when. Anyway, he had to go somewhere for something, and she thought he had left her, but he hadn't. Anyway, she was telling someone something and it all came out, so she told this other man she couldn't do it anymore..."

Have you come across those who talk incessantly about people they know but you don’t? That takes the biscuit.

Indeed there is Friday. I guess we’re all guilty sometimes, hopefully that’s forgivable, it’s the all the time people. We’ve one friend, no children, who talks constantly about the lives of others in minute detail. I can only cope for so long hearing so much about folk I have never met without switching off. It also makes us careful how much we share about our family.

There’s a lot of it about, even on GN!

I don’t think it is just a granny thing. A friend from work already had a GS when I met her, we got on very well together, worked well and laughed a lot. Although she used to talk about her family she didn’t monopolise the conversation and the talk flowed. Since we have all retired it has got to the point where we avoid her and her DH if we see them out and about. They are as bad as each other, non stop about holidays, family, hobbies, it is hard to get a word in edgeways. I just CBA anymore, conversations are supposed to be a two-way thing.

We have a neighbour who constantly talks about herself and tells me the same things over and over again. If my DH sees her approach our door, he dashes upstairs and stays there until she's gone. Sometimes she will sit and talk at me for over an hour. She talks about things she has done and mentions people I have never heard of. DH says if I dropped dead in front of her she would carry on talking. She doesn't seem to notice that my eyes have glazed over. She is very old and lives alone (but has good friends who look after her) so I try to be kind and put up with it!

Not having children doesn't make you a victim. My best friend from school, we have known each other 60 years, has never married or had children but she has a niece and nephew and now great nieces and nephews and any time spent with her is non-stop tablet or phone photos of these children and their many excellencies and talents.

She is far worse than any grandparent I have ever come across. I cannot compete with her because I do not have tablet, rarely use my (smart) phone and anyway do not have any photos of DGC loaded on it anyway.

I can actually get through most weeks with out pinning someone down to a chair and boring for Britain about my DGC - who are, of course, some of the cleverest most talented children of their age in this country, if not Europe

I wondber acbout the family of the friend who is akways looking at Wat's App - does this mean the lady's daughters are two of these young people who are glued to their phone? Who are not mindful of the real world but see everything as an opportunity for a photo call to share with friends as though they are all reality stars? It is lovely that the grandparent is so included by her daughters but at the end of the day, this is all so shallow and I dread to think what the young children of these parents will grow up like - they will have no awareness of the world, be hard to employ, and could vote into parliament somebody that makes Mr Trump look like Ghandi!

Some people are only interested in their families and their lives. It is sad really. Ideally in conversations you should each speak about half the time. Of course there are times when someone has a particular worry/ problem when conversations are dominated by that, which is prfectly understandable and what friends are for.But generally we should listen as much as we talk. I have one friend who dominates the conversation and is happy to hear none of my news. I find it very upsetting.

As someone who never had children and therefore no grandchildren, I find this all the time. I have said before I am more than happy to share and congratulate someone on a grandchild's achievements and when it comes to baby pictures I can ooh and aah with the best of them, but there is a limit to how much interest I can muster (to me all babies look the same . I have lost count of the clubs I have joined and eventually had to leave because everyone talks of nothing except grandchildren and I am left sitting in the corner silent and ignored!!

I am sure no GN is guilty of this and all your grandchildren are wonderful

Made a new friend the other who happens to have GC at the same school as mine and her daughter knows mine. The daughters were very miffed that we hadn't talked to each other about them! We had been too busy talking about our careers and plastic surgery!