I am cross

To be fair to your friend, eazybee, that edition does have pretty crappy binding - this is my copy! It has so-called ‘perfect binding’, which is anything but! The pages are stuck straight onto the spine of the cover with ‘flexible’ glue - but the glue doesn’t stay flexible as it ages, and single pages or chunks fall out. The only way to fix it is to re-glue, as your friend found out, Sellotape is worse than useless. In my first library job, we always used to give the perfect binding repairs to one particular member of staff who was really good at ‘tipping-in’ the loose pages - I never really got the hang of it!

I agree that no one should mutilate someone else's book, including library books. I am a regular user of our excellent local library and have quite a lot of grumbles about some of the other users.
• Do not correct spelling mistakes by crossing the words out and scribbling in ballpoint pen. I know poor proof-reading is very irritating – I worked in book publishing for more than 30 years – but this is very annoying and quite often the "correction" is actually wrong.
• If you are offended by slang, swearing or sexually explicit language, just stop reading the book; don't obliterate the words you don't like.
• Do not tick the titles of other books by the same author so that you know that you have read them. This is particularly irritating when several people do it using different coloured ink or different symbols.
• Do not read in the bath; this is the only explanation I can think of for all the books with water damage.
• Do not fold corners or circle the page number; use a bookmark.

I agree with all your points absent and with the poster who hates books reeking of smoke. I am an avid reader and help to run a voluntary library, people often tell us they have books to donate to the library then we find the books are in dreadful condition, foxed, tatty,torn etc, why do people think this is acceptable. ? On the plus side we are very lucky that more people offer books in pristine condition.

I have never had a book returned that has been written in or had pages defaced. I may just be lucky or maybe I make my feelings on the subject so well known that people fear me. It is basic good manners to care for someone elses property.

If lending a book to someone, put a book mark inside for them to use and ask them to use it saying you dont like the page corners being turned down.This is a reasonable request and anyone decent would not be offended.

Sometimes I turn down corners of my own book, if it's just a paperback, or make notes.
I'd never mark or fold anyone elses book.

Why "hint"? If that friend asks again, tell her you weren't too pleased about the folded corners and offer her a bookmark. If she still does it, refuse next time.

A friend of mine believes all books and even newspapers should be treated with care. She won't let anyone put a cup of tea on a newspaper even if the only other option is to put it on (her) carpet.

Not unreasonable at all - anything someone is priviledged to borrow show be returned in exactly the same condition it was when they were lent it. Folded corners a big no no for me or marking the books in any way so with you 100% on this one.

Absent, you are SO right. All of the comments you have made, plus the tobacco smell, water stains, food splashes...

What annoys me most, is when the book isn't returned! Often the borrower has died, or moved away. What to do?

Bookish
Yes, I'm firmly in the DO NOT TURN DOWN PAGES camp.
I could never own a kindle. I love the feel and smell and look of books. It's the difference between taking a pill which has all your day's nutrition or a delicious meal, beautifully presented.

SCRIBBLES. I agree. I can smell cigarette smoke a mile off. Horrible on books, breath and clothes.
I dislike having to remind people to return books that they've borrowed, that's another gripe.

As a child I didn't own many books but we went to the library every couple of weeks and it wouldn't have occurred to me to turn the corners back. Librarians were strict then and would check books and write at the front if there wasn't any damage.
I agree with FarNorth. I don't like lending books unless it's one that I don't really care about. I would say 'I don't mind you borrowing it as long as you don't turn the corners down' and I would put a bookmark in the front. I don't see why anyone should be offended by that and if they are, they are in the wrong. Either that or say that you have stopped lending books because they get spoilt but in that case I would make it a general complaint.

... if there was any damage ... (not wasn't)

I so agree I too would be so angry, you should ask your friend not to do this after all if she is borrowing your property she should respect it .

I hate to see a book defaced in any way too, but will confess to having had cooking accidents which have covered my own cook books!
I once found a ten shilling note in a library book which someone must have been using as a book mark. Old bus tickets or till receipts are more usual though.

Volunteering in a charity shop & dealing with the donated books has its moments. Dont mind bus tickets, scraps of paper but 'dogeared' pages, scribbling, food bookmarks really annou. Worst thing was the huge spider that had taken up residence in one very old, very grotty book. Did carefully evict him/her though. If someone has taken the time to write a book it should be treated with respect!

It's criminal damage! Do what you like to your own books, but leave other people's alone! I work in a volunteer-run community library. It's really upsetting when books are returned in a mutilated condition: corners turned down, pencil and biro scribbles etc. We don't examine books when they are returned because it would take too long, but readers come in to tell us that books have been damaged. It really is too bad!

I’m amazed you get the books back! Because of this my tacks have changed over the years:
1) when book finished I give it to oxfam book unless particularly remarkable and I want to keep for whatever reason. Now the trouble is when you tell a friend this they ask to borrow it....so I offer to buy them one.
2) I read most of my books on kindle paper white. No need for light on, no waste of paper, cheaper, easy to reference and easy to keep a massive library with you at all times. At last I have the complete oeuvre of Balzac all the versions of Grimm.
And to get round the bookmark / page creasing problem I used to make myself remember the page number. Kindle does all that for me.

I think you are being unreasonable and a bit precious for the following reasons. Ask yourself, what is the likelihood of you reading the book twice? You must be a Gran to be in here so I think you should think about downsizing and decluttering.
Having just come back ( yet again) from my FIL's decaying house it fills me with dread, about what the heck we are going to do with all the things he has collected during his 93 year old life, plus wall to wall books.
We have already cleared out two houses, three if you include our own( as we are sensibly downsizing, (before we selfishly just hand on the responsibility to someone else)
We have gardened, cooked and cleaned for my parents, my step in laws and my inlaws who all clung onto their possessions until they were mouldy.
If you won't read the book again, ( which is likely) just be glad that your friend has taken it off your hands and has made good use of it.
Try LibriVox on the net, you can download audio books free, then no one will touch your books.
Or just carry on collecting them and leave your poor children to heave them to the charity shop, after you have gone. They are damn heavy books.
Sorry if I sound bitter, but I am tired Lol

I've had library books that have had pages stuck together with dried bogies! Yuck. Creased pages are nothing

My books are my babies. I can't lend them out!
Turning down the pages of books ranks as a serious
offence i.m.h.o.

Chewbacca, I would have insisted that your 'friend' needed to replace your Nigella cookbook with a new one. I certainly would never lend out anything again if something was returned damaged and that includes page turnings on books. People should be called out for their disrespectful behaviour towards others' property or they will just continue to do it.

Having nearly fallen out with someone years ago trying to get a much loved book back (no Kindle then) I don't lend books just recommend something if I have enjoyed it. I also don't borrow unless something is pressed on me when I try to read it as quickly as possible. Do agree about getting read of some books that are never going to be read again, why are they always the ones given as a present?

This all so chimes with me. I worked in libraries for years and saw books defaced in all the ways mentioned plus some more. My favourite was the rasher of streaky bacon used as a bookmark. Have also found quite a lot of paper money. There was a person who heavily crossed out all the sexy bits and swear words. I can think of one thing worse than smoke odours and that is sick. Instant withdrawal on all fronts.!
I don't think you are unreasonable BOOKISH. I wouldn't lend to her again without asking her not to do it - in as nice a way as possible, of course.

I knew someone once who used to underline, asterix, cross out, put arrows in and totally cross out sentences...... you would think he was marking it! ....... never lent him a book! He didn’t think it was a problem...... I think he had the problem.....

My books are my babies lol, some belonged to my own mother, and if anyone marked them, I would go spare!

Very rude to turn down the corners of a book! Unless its your own, of course.

I'm a page folder AND a spine bender!

I like an obviously well thumbed book to be admired by other pristine prim editions for being a bit shabby round the nether regions - like me.

I'd be more gentle though with a borrowed book but I think books hate to be partially opened to the world - they want to experience it through to their very core.