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Advice needed about gifts to grandchildren.

(10 Posts)
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dollyjo Sun 21-Jan-18 15:26:13

I have 5 grandchildren in all, all teenagers and above. I have saved money for each of them and they will all inherit an equal share.
I know from personal experience, I needed money when I was their age much more than I need it now.
Background to the problem - my 2 eldest grand daughters are in their 30's. My husband gave each of them a large lump sum when they became of age. One of them took driving lessons and bought a little car. The other bought her boyfriend a motorbike (He is the father of her 2 children and soon after was no longer on the scene.) She has the sweetest nature but has no sense when it comes to money.
Since then we have given each of them money at birthdays and Christmas. The first grandchild is always thankful and tells us how the money has been spent. The second one never tells us what she has done with the money and we can see no obvious benefits she has gained from it.
At Christmas, my husband gave both of them £50 and I doubled it up for the first grandchild and put the same amount on one side for the second one.
We asked the 2nd one how she intended to spend her £50 and she said she was going to have her hair cut. She hasn't had it cut in years. My intention being to give her £50 when I knew she had spent her 1st £50 wisely - not on take-away meals and tattoos. Needless to say, she has not had her hair cut and the money has drifted away.
My dilemma - My 65+ Bond is maturing and I don't need the money at my age. I want to share it with my grandchildren and have the pleasure of seeing them make good use of it- Neither my husband nor I ever tell them how to spend any money we have given to them
My problem is that if I give it to grand daughter 2, I know she will blow it and have nothing to show for it. I have worked hard to be in the financial position I am in now and hate to think of my hard earned money being wasted.
I want her to have her share and I would like to tell her that the money is still there for her but I won't give it to her until she learns the value of it and tells me how she is spending it or saving it. (some hope).
If I do, I will get the usual 'poor me' reply and I already feel guilty that I didn't give her the other £50 at Christmas.
I am losing sleep worrying about it especially because she has the sweetest nature and it would be so easy to just give it to her and then begrudge having done so.
What would you do?

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MissAdventure Sun 21-Jan-18 15:29:46

I would just give it to her, I think. If she spends it on things which give her pleasure at the time, then I suppose you could say it's money well spent. I would have to grit my teeth though, I admit.

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M0nica Sun 21-Jan-18 15:30:49

Put it in a Junior ISA or other saving for her children, so that neither they nor their mother can touch it until they are 18.

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kittylester Sun 21-Jan-18 15:35:15

Buy premium bonds for her?

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paddyann Sun 21-Jan-18 15:46:09

you should never give gifts with conditions.How she spends it is up to her.My mother used to give me fairly large sums of money with instruction of dont spend it on house stuff spend it enjoying yourself .Having fun isn't "wasting money" nor is having treats she might not normally afford .However I know everyone if different so if you dont want YOUR money wasted dont give her any .

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Eglantine21 Sun 21-Jan-18 17:03:47

One persons waste of money is another persons good use of it. My father left us all £5000.
My sister invested hers. Over the years it has grown to a considerable amount. It's still sitting there.
One of my brothers bought a car. It's long gone.
I blew all of mine on a family holiday to Florida. Two years later my husband died. My family still talk about our final, great holiday.

Who wasted their money, do you think?

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janeainsworth Sun 21-Jan-18 17:19:46

I agree with paddy that gifts shouldn’t come with conditions.
But that doesn’t stop you from sitting down with the profligate one, and explaining that being reasonably careful with your money, and knowing what you have spent it on, means that you are controlling your money instead of your lack of money controlling you.
If she’s still listening attentively, you could extol the benefits of saving in a pension or an ISA with the aim of being financially secure in old age, as it seems unlikely that the State Pension will provide that security by the time she reaches pension age.

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Luckygirl Sun 21-Jan-18 18:28:26

A gift is a gift - end of.

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BlueBelle Sun 21-Jan-18 18:46:10

I agree with others you can’t give with conditions you say you never tell them what to spend their gifts on but you are mentally doing just that You have saved and spent wisely as has your eldest granddaughter but we are all different and unfortunately your second granddaughter may never be a person who will save or be wise You ve already given £50 to one and withheld from the other until she fits you’re criteria that’s very controlling dollyjo
I think you need to give her her £50 for starters and then treat her exactly the same as number one She doesn’t have to tell you what’s she’s doing with it although we all want to think what we are giving is not going to be wasted I do see where your coming from but it’s just not do=able you either give to all or give to none

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dollyjo Sun 21-Jan-18 22:41:57

Thanks for you comments and advice. It certainly has given me a lot to think about. In my heart of hearts, I do want her to have her share like the others.

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