Ashes to ashes

Oh it is not a criticism at all, I want to be scattered on our local beach.
My sister and I were shocked that after having a funeral at my parents local church, followed by cremation, the church then wanted more money and another church service to put them in the graveyard! That is why they are at present in a garden pot under a nice flowering shrub. My only concern is that a fox or badger might get at them.

Reading this I am glad the law in Denmark does not allow human ashes to be kept in the home. You either place them in a columbarium or lower them into a plot for urns in the cemetery, or apply to spread them at sea. Spreading them on land is illegal, here.

If she were my sister, I would ask her not to bring the urn with her when visiting. If you tell her it saddens you then you are in my opinion respecting both her feelings and your deceased BIL and are entitled to expect your sister to respect your feelings.

I agree with the OP that I would find it a bit unnerving to have ashes brought to my house like that, but I suppose we have to give and take and accept that some people have to deal with loss in a way we don’t understand.

I was just looking on this post and suddenly on the screen came a message to say I was reporting it. Totally confused. I was doing no such thing.

Obviously it gave the posters sister comfort at first to have the ashes with her and now it’s become a habit she would find hard to break not something I would do but what harm does it do, a lot worse things happen I wonder why you would be so disturbed and upset Eazybees it can’t hurt can it and the sister is not doing anything illegal or even disrespectful she is looking after her love in the only way she is comfortable with
I don’t see why you have to pay £500 to scatter some ashes it’s not going to harm the environment, it’s not plastic

My friend has her husband under the bed although she’s been married a second time now that ones a bit questionable

I have known people keeping the ashes of their dear departed in a container on the fireplace or similar but feel that it is a little extreme to carry them about when going visiting. Each to their own though and whatever helps them cope but I would have thought that being discreet about it is more sensitive to other's feelings. I suppose it is not uncommon though because I remember watching a programme on London Transport and part of it showing several filled urns lined up on the shelves of the Lost Property Office - a somewhat ignominious end I thought!
DH and I are planning on being buried in my grandparents' grave since I am in possession of the deeds.. Neither of us remember or knew them but it is with family and gives some form of continuity. I think it is much tidier and neater somehow than ashes lying or flying goodness knows where and I suppose that says quite a bit about me! Having watched some programmes where the Time Team were digging up bodies and doing all kinds of detective work on them I suppose there is never a guarantee of staying where one has been put!
Recently the ashes of someone I knew were put into the fire box of a locomotive as it was steaming along on the heritage track where he worked as a volunteer. I think that was decidedly odd since his ashes went with all the other ash and so are effectively now chucked wherever that goes when they clean out the engine.
DH and I are fairly pragmatic over death (and taxes) and whilst he even has his service organised complete with music I am still choosing for mine. Fortunately since it will be a burial one thing we will not be doing is carting urns about.

You're lucky someone didn't pop out from their hiding place and make you pick them all up!

Ah that's me storynanny - dad out to sea and mum in the woods both without permission - made sure there were no witnesses - I am shameless

Ashes are quite heavy..

I have just remembered you can have ashes put into teddy bears. I know a young Mum that did this after her baby died. It might be easier to carry around than an urn.

We scattered my mums ashes on the beach without permission.
My neighbour scattered her mums in a woods, with permission, and it cost around 500 pounds with a tiny plaque.

Those of you who have scattered ashes in the woods, on beaches etc, did you just do it without permission? I thought it wasn’t allowed.
My elderly parents died within a couple of months of each other last year and my sister and I were unsure what to do with the ashes for a long time. They are currently in a garden pot in my sisters garden as dad loved gardening.
My sister says mum is watching her not doing enough housework though!

We knew a very nice woman who left money for her ashes to be put into fireworks. They were let off to a lovely musical accompaniment. It was a lovely and moving evening.

To return to the original post, I will express my feelings as Paddyann did. I would be disturbed and upset if someone arrived in my house and placed an urn containing human remains on the table. If they choose to keep ashes of that person to assuage their grief, that is their decision, but I really think it should be private.
A friend once told me jokingly she discovered her mother-in-law's ashes stuffed into the back of a cupboard in the family caravan; she thought it was funny. I thought it distressing.(I had known her.)

People's remains should be treated with respect, and I extend that to the display in museums and churches of Egyptian mummies, mummified corpses (Jeremy Bentham), skeletons, saints' body parts in reliquaries and anything else that once belonged to a living person. Rest in peace.

I have to say I do think its a bit strange to carry the urn with you after eight years have elapsed. Also odd to inflict it on others.
I like the helium balloon idea MissAdventure

Peardrop, sorry for her loss, but that behaviour is (imho) rather odd.

What a lovely group you all are. I will certainly suggest the diamond idea especially as he was a diamond of a man.
Thanks

You can get all sorts of things for ashes - clocks with a box underneath, heart shaped locket to wear round your neck, etc. Perhaps something like that would help this lady.carrying an urn must be inconvenient at times and sooner or later she might lose it - or perhaps it is only when visiting her sister that she takes him, thinking that he would enjoy the company?

Diolch ?

I shall flutter most neatly.

You will be most welcome MissA, no dust on my headstone please, wouldn't trouble me but younger daughter has feather duster syndrome ?

Well, I may fly down and visit, Annie, if I'm scattered.

Not for me, I am staying in Wales ?

I read about a company who send the ashes up in a helium balloon, which disintegrates and scatters the ashes to the four corners of the earth.
I quite like that idea.

It is possible if a loved one is cremated to have their ashes made into a diamond. I really like this idea and if my dh goes before me this is what I am going to do with his ashes. The wear the diamond around my neck on a chain.