Desperately unhappy, being bullied at work

Are you a union member? I dealt with cases like this quite often. Get the union to sort it out for you.

Definitely join a union

It does sound horrendous.

Genuine question - is it not permissible to say directly to someone at work (even if they are your boss) "I feel that you are bullying me" or "It makes me feel bullied when you ...". Or "Please don't bully me". All this faff with Unions and HR and getting more and more people involved when perhaps just telling the person might make them back off? Is it not so that if you stand up to a bully they leave you alone?

Just checked back and read all the advice, thank you all for all the different perpectives .

To answer some of the points raised:

I've worked for them for nearly 43 years, and in my prime was very well thought of by higher management (unfortunately who have moved on due to the restructure, when half of the organisation was taken into the civil service, the other half being privatised).

I have a very good union rep, and indeed was a H&S rep myself, until line manager and HR told me (illegally) that I was not entitled to paid facility time for union duties and would have to do those in my own time. The union Regional Officer was very disinterested in this breach of TU legislation and did not rise to this challenge, and when I said it looked as though I had best resign, merely thanked me for my time! I had more regret expressed by organisation's H&S officer! I am now considering taking up that role again if only to irk my line manager.

Regarding my changed hours, when I took semi retirement, I was told I was a 're-employed pensioner ' but never had a new contract issued. I had a verbal agreement with my previous manager (and I know from doing Law at college aeons ago that a verbal contract is equally binding), my previous manager and I agreed that if it was ok with me I would occasionally change my working days but only if it suited me. Indeed he is also semi retired and has exactly the same agreement. He's always been a bit wooly over putting things in writing but I've no doubt he would back me up over what we agreed so I'm going to ask him to do that.

What was the tipping point for me was my current nightmare manager giving me 8 dates for meetings for the coming year, I've said I can do 6 of them (which included changing some of my non-working days, but she won't accept I can't do the remaining 2 because I already have family events on those days. She is refusing to accept these 2 dates aren't do-able for me. One of them is during a weeks holiday right before Xmas, planned last December and notified to her in January. She is saying she won't grant my leave now, to make sure I attend the meeting. The perishing agenda hasn't even been set, so how does she know I would need to be there?!

Im answer to the questions about the other part-timer, she works 2 days a week at the other end of the week to me, at another office about 30 miles away. We sort of cover for each other remotely but don't actually amount to a full-time post between us. She doesn't mind changing her days or doing extra days (doesn't have a family or all the stuff I'm involved in). So although I'm prepared to accommodate some but not all requests to change my days it seems I'm viewed as a problem and all the bullying has stemmed directly from this. It feels as though my manager is having some sort of tantrum because she can't have her own way over everything. Thankfully she's away on holiday for the next couple of weeks so I'll get a brief breather from her.

I'm meeting with my union rep on Tues to discuss the details of the grievance I'm taking against the manager.

Thanks again for all your advice, I'll be looking at the various links some of you super grans have posted?

You pay union fees for them to represent you and it should be only you they are representing
Is it legal for then to have not amended your contract when you changed hours shouldn’t it have an signed amendment or am I wrong
If your union repository helping you ask for another

What she is doing is called constructive dismissal. If you are in a union tell them. If not join Unite and get them on to it. Otherwise ask to see HER manager and let them know what’s happening. Employers have a duty of care and if someone is making you ill they need to know. You could always ask for a transfer away from her. Xxx

Go for grievance complaint or constructive dismissal if you have to leave. Your HR should be available to you to speak to and help sort this. I had to go to greivance over a line manager about bullying in the workplace and they were "moved" then eventually " let go" as others decided to follow my lead. It wasn't easy or pleasant but it made me feel so much happier especially as others were having same problems. If you can get your Dr to write that your absence was due to work related stress that will help your case. I'm sorry you are going through this it is so demoralising and made me doubt my ability for such a long time after leaving although very happy p/t worker these days.

Make sure a union rep is with you in all meetings. Ensure they are scheduled for when they are available. At the very least have a colleague with you. Phone ACAS and take notes so you are well armed. At the end of the day she is a very silly woman who needs you to stand up to her. Don't let her get to you. Make notes, dates/times etc. of her actions. Her behaviour is totally unreasonable - if you presence is needed a the meeting then inform her you can attend if they reschedule to a working day. After all they have enough time. Keep calm. Will drive her mad. But at the end of the day they must act reasonably or you will have an constructive dismissal claim. But stick it out for as long as you can, even if only to be a thorn in her side. You have lots of support here!

I really feel for you GOD.
I had a nervous breakdown and had a while off work. When I was ready to return I was asked what I was going to do to prevent it happening again!!!
Stress at work had been a part of the problem and they were aware of that. I had asked for additional training to deal with the stressful situations at work & that request was denied.
I didn't stay long after that..
You really should have a case for workplace bullying and maybe constructive dismissal.
I hope your rep gives you the right support and advice moving forward ⚘

This sounds dreadful! I work 2 days a week and if anyone suggested I attend meetings or wanted to know what I was up to on my days off I would tell them where to go! If your employers were happy with your part time hours originally before you unfortunately came under the supervision of this awful person what has changed? As other Gransnetters have suggested your union, ACAS or a good solicitor who specialises in employment law to give advice.

Even if you don’t have a properly written new work contract since becoming part-time, a tribunal would deem custom and practice from what has been your working week of late. And yes, log and write down every detail of what’s happened. Every phone call, , dates, when done, what said, conversations between you and manager. The more detail you can record, the better. I know this from taking on a mighty company when I wanted to work part time when kids were small and they tried to stop me. I won! My union help massively. But my OCD note taking was the key.

Life's too short to have to put up with the likes of this wretched woman! If you found a position somewhere else you could have the satisfaction of quitting and telling her a thing or two while you're at it. Have you thought about looking for another job?

Ugh ... this sounds horribly familiar and you won't be feeling like dealing with it, finding a new job, or anything like that. My advice, which will not make it better but it will help if you take this further is:-

1. Keep a diary and write up anything she says to you.
2. Keep copies of anything she writes to you. If she speaks to you and you feel able to, email her "clarifying" what she has said and where and when she said it.
3. If you have a good union rep ask for their help.
4. Check your household insurance as some cover you for legal fees.
5. Even if you have a good union rep see if you can see a solicitor on one of the free advice sessions. (Don't tell the union as some drop out if you get advice elsewhere).
6. If you think you will be up to trying to do something about it, you need to understand all the company procedures - they should be easily available to you. It is too easy for something to go against you just because you don't know about them.
7. Final bit of advice. If you can get out and feel well enough to tackle a change - do it. These things rarely end well. You should not have to but it is often the best thing for your health.

If you adjust your days to be in for meetings, you are doing this lady a favour. Just tell her firmly what your hours of work are - and stick to them. There is nothing she can do.

If the Christmas week meeting is on a day you do not work, there is nothing she can do to make you attend it, whether she grants you leave for your work days or not.

Do not be rude to this woman but if she tries to make you come in on days you do not work or asks anything about what you are doing on the days you are not working, tell her politely but firmly that she is over stepping the mark and what you do in your own time is none of her business. Your working days are contractual and you cannot be made to change them.

I suspect if you just stood up to her, after a mega temper tantrum (bit like a 2 year old), she will back off. She bullies you because you let her.

Excellent advice, especially the diary. make sure you have the detail. Next time you are summoned about anything, take a voice recorder (is there one on your phone?), and say 'you don't mind if I record this do you?' And/or take notes. Keep a notebook and pen handy so you can easily pick it up.

Sounds like you are being set up for constructive dismissal.

I was bullied dreadfully by a very senior manager, who obviously just wanted to get rid of a mature woman to replace with someone cheaper. He liked to run kangeroo courts in front of his heads of department, and tried hard to make his female managers cry. Don't do this. I wouldn't, so in one instance, when I saw that I was just there to show how 'manly' and in control he was, just stayed silent. Wound him up no end - thought he was going to explode.
Sadly he didn't.

These people are not fit to manage staff.
Good luck.

If you now work as a civil servant there should be policies in place for work life balance and part time working. Check your HR department or the organisations intranet for employment info. Good luck!

My manager actually asked me whether I found one event as humiliating. I replied no, but I did see it as an attempt to humiliate me.

He avoided me after that.

Change your job. People like this just ruin your life. You do not need the stress! I know I have been there.

Having been there myself, and had a good outcome, I can speak from experience. I was told by this woman, my immediate Boss, that I was 'Great' 'Reliable' 'A Star' etc etc and I worked my socks off because I really enjoyed my job. At the Annual Report point I was shocked to note she had given me the lowest box marking possible. I had done much more than I was contracted to do (also Civil Service) and had put myself out working at weekends and doing things that were not related to my job, as well as covering for a male several times when he was away without any talk of extra pay. I had to keep on and on at her to do my Annual Report, which was consequently very late in being completed. To put it in a nutshell without going in to detail she made my life hell. I was also passed over for promotion. I was advised by my Union Rep to complain to my next Manager above her and start the Grievance procedure. which I did. This sent her in to a rage and she was even more nasty than she had been before. I had to grit my teeth and get on with it. Eventually together with my Union Rep I was called in to the 'Big Boss's, office to make my complaint. I had taken a copy of both my current report and my previous report which was 'Excellent' before coming to work for this woman. The difference told its own story. To cut a long story short I was cleared of any wrong doing, my report was redone by her Boss and I was moved to another section. Shortly after my retirement I found out that she had left the Station under a cloud. I didn't doubt it.

The way this bullying makes you feel almost destroys your confidence, you begin to doubt yourself, and they change you from a strong person in to a nervous jelly always on the brink of tears. The ONLY WAY to beat them is to make a record of what they say, what they do, what they tell you to do, and to get yourself a Union Representative who knows the ins and outs of the Law. I was so grateful for their support. Worth every penny of Union fees.

I wish you well. I am out of the workforce now so this is all in the past for me, and I am back to my normal confident self. It was a living nightmare!

Hi everyone and apologies for resurrecting an old thread but wanted to update everyone who was kind enough to support me on here.

Sorry to bore you all with details but the situation has got worse, I've been given 'needs improvement ' for my end of year appraisal. Never had this in all the time I've worked for them, this is the first time ever but probably now true as I'm now so p**d off with everything I really can't find any motivation for the job.

Obstructive behaviour from manager in deliberately setting meeting dates which clash with other work commitments.

Being dragged into poor performance formal process now, and told that even if no union rep available for set date, if I don't attend unrepresented, they'd reach a decision in my absence. Not sure how that demonstrates not having 'unconscious bias' - something the civil service expects ..... I have challenged this obstructive behaviour and she has backed off and said she will postpone until I return from holiday so that I can see if I can get a rep.

Breach of data protection, because my line manager wasn't authorised to commission an investigation against me, but went ahead anyway and did so, passing on information to unauthorised persons in connection with this. When I raised this with her line manager, this was pooh-poohed as human error. Oh really? ?!!

I took up the reins again of H&S rep, and am legally entitled to paid time off in work time to do such duties. H&S inspections were duly arranged at a couple of premises, time for this agreed by line manager, then she reneged on this the following week (thereby breaching H&S regulations), and appears to have bad-mouthed me to the managers of those premises, as I received emails from 1 of them, saying I would be denied access if I attended there.

This sort of behaviour was aired at the grievance meeting I took against her, and her line manager said I SHOULD have the facility time - clearly my line manager thinks she can disregard H&S regulations and her manager ,

However, notwithstanding the above, the grievance was not upheld by her line manager, who then refused me an appeal on the grounds I'd taken too long to furnish details - no allowance for being away on holiday at the time or part-time availability apparently! !

So, I have sent in my resignation, to the Director (thereby going above both of their heads). I have given a whole list of reasons why including the stuff above, and stated this is constructive dismissal. In fact, I have stated I am dismissing them as my employer due to all of the reasons given, and that I can't stand working for them any more. I only have to give 1 months notice, but have given 3 months out of courtesy, which takes me ironically to 43 years to the day I started working for them.

Despite the fact that if I were to only do the 1 months notice this would expire while I'm away on our 2 weeks summer holiday next minth my manager still expects to resume the poor performance process on my return as I've been courteous enough to give them longer notice then they're entitled to. .... says it all really about what a fixated, narrow-minded b*tch she is being .... (sorry for the rant, think I'm entitled? )

My husband's employment situation now means I don't have to work, and I feel SOOOO much better now that I have done this.

The union are now going to take advice from their solicitor re a constructive dismissal case. Even if they don't take it up, there are plenty of no-win-no-fee solicitors who probably will.

The next few weeks will be interesting. ...! And for the first time for many months now, I'm not worried about going in to work!

You have done all the right things GrowingOld how much longer though can you resist the temptation to tell them with all due respect, i.e.none, to stick it where the sun don’t shine?
What a truly shocking story, though, is it one person’s personal vindictiveness?
Thank goodness you can afford to walk, your peace of mind is worth so much more.

Look, I have to say that you are being foolish staying in an environment like that. Why on earth are you not looking for another job? You have two alternatives. One is to leave, the other is to take this person to a Tribunal. It will be stressful for you have no doubt about that as you will have to go to work at the same time. The only way to deal with bullies is to either walk away, which I would do, or stand tall, tell them enough is enough and take the courage to take them to court. When it is revealed to all and sundry how this person has treated you I am sure you could win your case. Do you have a Union? You have rights in Law to be treated with respect. Obviously this is not the case. Be brave, either walk or take them to court. Do not carry on hoping it will get better because once they find a person they believe to be weak they will torment you without mercy. Bullies are the same the world over.

PS: What you need to take them to court for is called 'Constructive Dismissal' and you can do this even if you have left the Company'. Look it up on the Internet if you are not sure what it means.

Sorry I jumped in without reading your reply below. It seems you have done all the right things and do not be put off by this person's manager. They are obviously in cahoots. Good for you for standing firm and I wish you luck in this Tribunal outcome and for the future. GOOD FOR YOU! For anyone else who is in the same position, you have Rights in Law, use them! Do not put up with this kind of behaviour whoever you work for. Government or Civilian it does not matter. The way to deal with bullying even if you are at school is to face up to the bullies. They only recognise strength and will back away. If you are weak they will torment you even more.

I'm glad you have taken it over and above the people you work with .My advice would have been to do just that as it's what happened where I worked and a whole team of junior level management went above senior team and took it to a higher level when we went against a senior manager who had the rest of the senior team scared to death of him so could not /would not help us ..bullying. Sexual misconduct. Agism. You name it he did it.
Good luck and I hope you get the results you want and by the sounds of it deserve.