Gransnet forums


i feel sick

(20 Posts)
travelsafar Thu 05-Apr-18 11:01:10

Some of you may remember that iwasbanned back last year from seeing my grandchildren as i had 'spoken out of turn' about a concern i had relating to son and DIL. Well today i plucke dup courage to contact son to see if i would be allowed to see them all again. I am allowed to gofo an hour this sunday while DIL is out a she still doesnt want to see me. I feel feel sick to my stomach. How can i be such an awful person that she doesnt want to see me, we have known each other over 20 years and never fallen out before. I will go as i want to see GC but it will feel so unnatural and false and i will be so scared i say the wrong thing or something i say is misunderstood again. sad Cant talk to friends about this as it makes me feel ashamed and embarressed.

Luckygirl Thu 05-Apr-18 11:07:09

I am sure you are feeling nervous and that is understandable. I do hope that the visit goes well.

Squiffy Thu 05-Apr-18 11:11:42

Being 'allowed' to visit on Sunday is a step in the right direction - perhaps feelings have mellowed a little. Hopefully, it's just the first step and there will be more to follow. Hope it all goes well on Sunday.

glammanana Thu 05-Apr-18 11:14:43

Go on Sunday as arranged and see your son and grandchildren for the hour as planned don't overstay the time and how about offering to meet up with DIL on her own another day and try and put things right between you both.
A word of warning never ever say anything about their relationship and keep your thoughts to yourself always,your DIL is probably still upset about what was said but it does look as though relationships could possibly be repaired it will take time.

Mapleleaf Thu 05-Apr-18 11:28:56

Try to keep topics of conversation general whilst you are there for this first visit. Don’t make any reference about what happened when you were banned. That may be possible for discussion at another time, but even then, tread very carefully - least said, soonest mended. Good luck.🙂

Nonnie Thu 05-Apr-18 11:29:28

Don't push it, don't discuss what happened, just go and be Grandma and nothing else. Simply play with the GC and leave it at that. Take this baby step and see what happens. It may well be a case of least said soonest mended. Good luck

Willow500 Thu 05-Apr-18 11:32:26

Presumably DIL knows about the visit even if she doesn't want to be there so that is progress. Small, very small steps forward - have the visit, concentrate on the children and leave on a good note, Hopefully it will be the start of more and longer ones to come. Good luck.

Alexa Thu 05-Apr-18 11:39:32

I agree with Mapleleaf and Nonnie. An hour is a good idea as it puts less strain on you to have a limited short time.

You have my sympathy and moral support too. I do understand that it's not something you can talk about to just anyone. You did well to write about this to the grans.

travelsafar Thu 05-Apr-18 11:45:09

thank you for all your advise i will keep to the time limit and not mention what has happened. As some of you say it is a step in the right direction. I will let you know how it goes.

gmelon Thu 05-Apr-18 12:02:28

travelsafar Well done for making the move to put this right.
You've been brave already and achieved your first goal.
Play with the children, keep conversation very vague.
You son won't pick apart what you say. It's usually women who read things into harmless conversation. In my experience men aren't even listening most of the time. angry
This is, perhaps, not the time to reach a perfect solution but a wonderful start to the future.

travelsafar Sun 08-Apr-18 14:04:06

Well that went better than i thought.I hardly slept lastnight and felt so nervous this morning as i pulled up outside the house.But my little grand daughter had drawn me a picture and showed me her pottery and chemistry sets that she had and my son and I talked about everything apart from the 'rift'.My two elder grand kids were out, one at w/end job the other with her friend. I stayed the allotted hour only and we parted on good terms with a hug and a kiss. Just got to be patient and hope the DIL comes round eventually.

mumofmadboys Sun 08-Apr-18 14:21:19

Well done travelsafar!

FarNorth Sun 08-Apr-18 14:21:27

That's good news, travelsafar.

It's clear that your views on concerns about your DS and Dil are not welcome.
So just stick to being Grandma, as a pp said, and I hope things progress well for you all.

Squiffy Sun 08-Apr-18 14:29:29

That's so good to hear travels. Onwards and upwards, hopefully smile

Mapleleaf Sun 08-Apr-18 14:55:11

😁 travelsafar. Pleased to hear it went well.

BlueBelle Sun 08-Apr-18 15:48:15

Oh travelsofar so pleased, stick to their rules and hopefully this will be the first of many visits and one day you can forget the rift ever happened xx

M0nica Sun 08-Apr-18 16:02:27

travelsofar, if only the poster of another thread could read about how careful and how wisely you have acted in rebuilding a fractured relationship and learn from you. May you continue to make progress.

Lynnebo Sun 08-Apr-18 16:06:56

Oh that’s wonderful! I’m so glad it went well for you! x

silverlining48 Sun 08-Apr-18 17:32:57

So pleased it all went well. Slowly carefully, small steps and hope things continue to improve.

travelsafar Sun 08-Apr-18 17:46:57

Aww thanks everyone, i will certainly sleep easy tonight. Fingers crossed time will heal and the rift will be forgotten.
Thanks for all the advise and goodwill posts i have received.