i feel sick

I am sure you are feeling nervous and that is understandable. I do hope that the visit goes well.

Being 'allowed' to visit on Sunday is a step in the right direction - perhaps feelings have mellowed a little. Hopefully, it's just the first step and there will be more to follow. Hope it all goes well on Sunday.

Go on Sunday as arranged and see your son and grandchildren for the hour as planned don't overstay the time and how about offering to meet up with DIL on her own another day and try and put things right between you both.
A word of warning never ever say anything about their relationship and keep your thoughts to yourself always,your DIL is probably still upset about what was said but it does look as though relationships could possibly be repaired it will take time.

Try to keep topics of conversation general whilst you are there for this first visit. Don’t make any reference about what happened when you were banned. That may be possible for discussion at another time, but even then, tread very carefully - least said, soonest mended. Good luck.🙂

Don't push it, don't discuss what happened, just go and be Grandma and nothing else. Simply play with the GC and leave it at that. Take this baby step and see what happens. It may well be a case of least said soonest mended. Good luck

Presumably DIL knows about the visit even if she doesn't want to be there so that is progress. Small, very small steps forward - have the visit, concentrate on the children and leave on a good note, Hopefully it will be the start of more and longer ones to come. Good luck.

I agree with Mapleleaf and Nonnie. An hour is a good idea as it puts less strain on you to have a limited short time.

You have my sympathy and moral support too. I do understand that it's not something you can talk about to just anyone. You did well to write about this to the grans.

thank you for all your advise i will keep to the time limit and not mention what has happened. As some of you say it is a step in the right direction. I will let you know how it goes.

travelsafar Well done for making the move to put this right.
You've been brave already and achieved your first goal.
Play with the children, keep conversation very vague.
You son won't pick apart what you say. It's usually women who read things into harmless conversation. In my experience men aren't even listening most of the time.
This is, perhaps, not the time to reach a perfect solution but a wonderful start to the future.

Well that went better than i thought.I hardly slept lastnight and felt so nervous this morning as i pulled up outside the house.But my little grand daughter had drawn me a picture and showed me her pottery and chemistry sets that she had and my son and I talked about everything apart from the 'rift'.My two elder grand kids were out, one at w/end job the other with her friend. I stayed the allotted hour only and we parted on good terms with a hug and a kiss. Just got to be patient and hope the DIL comes round eventually.

Well done travelsafar!

That's good news, travelsafar.

It's clear that your views on concerns about your DS and Dil are not welcome.
So just stick to being Grandma, as a pp said, and I hope things progress well for you all.

That's so good to hear travels. Onwards and upwards, hopefully

😁 travelsafar. Pleased to hear it went well.

Oh travelsofar so pleased, stick to their rules and hopefully this will be the first of many visits and one day you can forget the rift ever happened xx

travelsofar, if only the poster of another thread could read about how careful and how wisely you have acted in rebuilding a fractured relationship and learn from you. May you continue to make progress.

Oh that’s wonderful! I’m so glad it went well for you! x

So pleased it all went well. Slowly carefully, small steps and hope things continue to improve.

Aww thanks everyone, i will certainly sleep easy tonight. Fingers crossed time will heal and the rift will be forgotten.
Thanks for all the advise and goodwill posts i have received.