Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

Poor meno. I will move the chaise longue scruffy old sofa near to the door so you don't get in the way have far to walk. I have put a little table there (one of the Hans on hans and knees ) and a bell ? for you to ring so we can all come running if you need help. ? Don't worry about being a nuisance we are only too pleased to look after you. Now where did I put those noise cancelling headphones ? ?

That's very kind of you but I guessed there might be a twist so have borrowed farmer Giles' cattle prod so I can get your attention, see you later, drinks on me for all your concerns....blimey I think that's the drugs talking...

?must remember to wear my extra thick padded assault proof knickers totally prod resistant ?

I've hopped about and have put out the very classy deckchairs I found in the gents loo (they need an airing tbh) and scraped off the grease from the homemade dustbin bbq and if I stick the wireless out of the ladies loo window..we've got ourselves a party venue in this lovely weather.
I'm now going to make a bucket, I rinsed out the floor cleaner, of my special punch so look forward to seeing you all later.

If anyone has some citrus things please bring them as the sun is bringing out a certain aroma from the deckchairs. Wondered why the material is a bit perished. Anyway the back yard is looking a treat

Sounds great meno. I've just found some lovely well past their sell by date sausages and burgers I can bring for the barbecue. Would you like me to bring my loo brush along so we can use it to stir the bucket of punch. It's got a nice long handle (just ignore the stains) ?

Perfect Doodle thank you

Grilled Halloumi is great on the barbecue. If I scrape the mouldy bits off, no-one will notice.? We will say the specks are black pepper if anyone asks.
A wee bit of Dettol on the loo brush should make it safe.
I don't think the deckchairs are perished. Do you rememember when Gaston, the ferret RIP, had that episode of the runs, well I never quite got round to cleaning the mess up. ?

Did we actually bury Gaston? Only when I was pottering in the cellar the other day ( as naked as nature intended, because of the heat) I spotted what looked like a small mink stole baring it’s little dead teeth at me from behind a barrel.
I thought it belonged to Marydoll as she often seems to leave items of clothing down there for some reason, but now I am wondering......

No lemon, that was Roland down in the cellar, not Gaston. I've been keeping Roland there for when we have the "still life" art lessons in the bar. Don't you remember? You asked me to organise something to boost revenue and I came up with art weeks. Painting by Numbers is week 1. Still life is week 2. The Human Form is week 3. Not got anybody to pose for us yet though.....

Well actually, I had Gerardo made into a stole?
I thought I had lost it forever. Thank you Meno, you are a true friend?

Oh, I will pose Chewy as I am already totally unclothed and (of course) impossibly lovely.?

The farmer likes to pose " au natural". I have always found him to be very obliging.?
We definitely are short of volunteers.?

Well.... I suppose you are the best person to know who would be most likely to have no clothes on Marydoll with all your experience, so if you could ask one of your "contacts", that might be best.

Kind offer I'm sure lemon, but let's not be too hasty in propping you up nekkied in the bar. We're trying to get the punters clamouring to get in. not out

Let's get another Ferret, I miss Gerald. I'll keep him under the bar, he could be the caff mascot instead of Marydoll

I could be the ferret mascot! I could wear an old motheaten fur coat and would be quite happy to sit under the bar and lick up any spilled alcohol and be fed pork scratchings. I might have a problem running up people's trouser legs though ? (but I could give it a try if you like) ?.

You have just described Mary to a t, but she's very able to climb up trouser legs

Appreciate the helpful spirit Doodle but the sight of a sixteen stone ferret crawling about the bar could well be a bit scary!?
I will go and see the Admiral ( he breeds the little beggars) and see if we can have two of them.Start thinking of names?

doodle goes off in a huff ? I was looking forward to being a ferret. ? What about a 16 stone gorilla ? ? That might bring the crowds in ....I could beat my chest and growl....any chance lemon?

Two of them lemon? Is that a good idea? We started off with 2 rats in the old place and look what happened with them! 174 of them scurrying around the place within 6 months! We're lucky we didn't get closed down! Maybe we should just have 1. A male, preferably.

I have contacts with Gaston the silverback gorilla if that's the way we go, although I'm a bit unsure who is going to clear up after him

He may become amorously attached to Doodle if he thinks she is another gorilla! ?
I wouldn't want to sort that out, I can tell you.
Ok, one ferret it is then, they do tend to multiply quickly.
The admiral is bring a few round tonight for us to choose from.
I hope they’re house trained.?

Thought of its name yet lemon? Something pithy?

Yes indeedy!
I was the only one of us in the bar when the admiral came round, he brought three little ferrets but my heart was won by the smallest one, a tan coloured boy with a white streak on his back.There was something about the way he sank his little teeth into my ankle that won me over.
Anyroad, I chose him for us and have named him Blaze.
I gave him a bowl of Guinness and some peanuts, and he is now sleeping it off in your red hat Chewy on top of the
bar....ah, bless!

Ahem, lemon I don't think the Guinness agreed with Blaze's digestion. ? You might want to buy a new hat chewy Blaze has nibbled one half of it and I wouldn't like to tell you what he's done in the other half ?