Sorry but I am so sad

An example of how the mystical box doesn’t work. I have been busy this morning, made mug of tea and had a flit through what films were on tv later. Up came ‘Cool Hand Luke’, my darling girl had such a thing for Paul Newman for years, suddenly memories of shared laughter engulfed me and a wish I could phone her to tell her the film was on, brought on such an ache to hear that laughter again.

Sorry oldbatty but no way.
I am sure it is meant kindly but you really have no idea.

I will get back on track, just a lot of gaps to fill in a short time x

I think the putting it in a box idea has a certain appeal. I have a friend who closes doors on rooms in her mind. They are just little ideas that may buyus a few minutes respite. Annie your situation is so raw and recent these ideas probably not really relevant. One thing I have noticed in my own life is any loss or grief seems to poke at other loss somehow.

I think they are taunting me, there is a beautiful cherry blossom tree at the front of my house, lots of birds and the Magpies are there most days . Gosh that explains it, the Magpies ?

Not as many magpies around here as there used to be. But more rooks, crows, jackdaws, buzzards and now red kites. They’re being ousted.

Cherry me to and it’s all my husbands fault ? they are beautiful though

Annie once your youngest DGD has travelled backwards and forwards a few times she may well wish to change her Uni..
I'm afraid it's a just watch and wait situation.

Annie
We seem to be living in a magpie zone.
I am forever saluting single magpie.
My daughter also bids them Good Morning or Afternoon

cornishclio, yes I think their mother dying only six months ago has caused me to feel as I do about the girls moving , but not the reason I think the little one is making a big mistake moving so far from the university .

I have not told them I am upset at them moving away,I suggested the little one moved to another university

No Nfk, I know what you meant x

When I said I put my problems under the cushion and sit on them I certainly wasn't referring to the loss of a loved one. That's not a problem. That's loss, grief, amputation, heartbreak. Loved ones I've lost are still with me all the time. I still talk to them. But I'm daft like that. Sometimes though I found that all the demands and problems that needed sorting out just ganged up and overwhelmed when I was mourning and at a really low ebb. They're the ones that went under the cushion to be taken out one at a time and dealt with. But you're right Maw, I've thankfully never lost a husband or a grown child, so I should butt out.

Sorry you are sad and you have had a lot of bereavements and I think in a way you are thinking of your grandchildrens moving away as a bereavement of sorts. What I would say is nothing stays the same for long these days. We moved away from our family in the south east 30 years ago to Cornwall for a better life which we had. My family particularly found it hard but we try and meet up as often as we can.

We knew that when our 2 DDs grew up we may lose them as well paid jobs in Cornwall are few and far between and I would imagine Wales is the same. As both our DDs moved away to University they both lived away from Cornwall for about 5 or 6 years. Eventually when my DD2s relationship with her boyfriend finished she moved back to our town and is now married with 2 DDs of her own and my DD1 also moved closer as she got older and although she does not live in our town she only lives 2 hours away so we see her often.

Anything could happen and either of your DGD could change their minds and move back particularly if one of them has a long commute to University. At the moment she is in a relationship and that is taking priority so the best you can do is support her in that choice even if you think she is wrong. They have to make their own mistakes and she may find a way to make it work.

I would try and put a brave face on it, tell them you will miss them and hope that you will find a way to see each other often. How easy do you find travelling? Will you be able to travel and see them? I wonder if they feel moving away will make their mothers' loss more bearable?

Cherry, my husband ‘unlike me’ was an intelligent , sensible man, qualified to rank of .inspector when he was 28. A magpie spotted and all hell was let lose, ‘find a second ‘, after his funeral one of the chaps from the station said to me, ‘we wonder did he see a magpie that day’. When i see a magpie now I say ‘ missed that one sunshine didn’t you’ ?

Thank you Iam, I haven’t been offered anything for RA and ny hands are now badly twisted, I cannot cross stitch and I miss it so much.

Watching Chelsea Flower Show, sob , I can no longer garden . But some lovely eco gardeners are making me a wildflower meadow in my garden , RA has given me that ?

Hello Annie, I’m away with intermittent WiFi. I haven’t seen the thread where you were mocked because of your comments on this one. I’m shocked.
MawBroon, meant thanks for your post. You do understand bereavement, long term stress and worry, albeit cushioned by love. Bereavement compounded by other very difficult life experiences don’t have simple solutions.
I have RA , osteo arthritis, osteo pina and other health challenges. Currently, thanks to fantastic disease modifiers, I can knit again. That could stop in a heartbeat. I can’t tell you how much well meaning advice was doled out to me, on the let’s get you knitting (cookie ng, sewing, gardening etc etc) front. It was medication, pure simple medication, not will power or an aid that enabled me to have my life back.
Sending positive thoughts thoughts Annie x

Annie you are still grieving,

I loved what you said about a magpie and you husband.
One day you will be able to think of your darling daughter in a similar way,
but not yet.

You are getting through life as best you can.
Unfortunately it would seem you are having to climb a different mountain on almost daily basis.

Annie I am always amazed at your courage and your sense of humour.

I am pleased to read you are able to FaceTime your DGDs (I have yet to learn!)

I hope and pray that if nothing else you will get some peace in your life.

Hugs xxx

I think people should be very careful about DIY amateur “counselling”, however kind the intention, especially in cases of loss or bereavement.
Sitting on a cushion or shutting him away in a box in my head is nothing whatsoever to do with the process of grieving after losing my DH six months ago.
If anybody was listening to WH this morning and heard the mother who was talking about her son Martin who was killed in the Manchester arena bombing a year ago, that is grieving, that is coping with bereavement. There will be many here who will recognise what I am talking about.

Newatthis, I feel rather ashamed to feel lonely because my elder granddaughter is moving from Wales to Cornwall when your granddaughter lives in another country .

My granddaughters will keep in regular contact with meh

Maw x

Seems even though my husband who has been dead over forty years must not be thought about untill I open this mystical box, well I do think of him if a magpie suddenly appears , they do not fly into view only when I choose. I watch tv and a bridge may come on screen, my thoughts turn to my beloved daughter who died last November . I wasn’t going to say anymore on this thread after what I have said here was mocked on a different thread, but ny grief which is still raw is far more than an issue. The gardeners not turning up last week is an issue. My adored daughter ending her life is far more than an issue .

Kwest and others who may not be familiar with the situation.

It's difficult not have family near. My first granddaughter is in San Francisco - 4 hours to airport, 2 hour wait in airport and 11 hours flight plus another hour at the other end (18 hours!) and when I get there I have to stack in all the kisses, cuddles and love not knowing when I will see her again. My other daughter is in London - 4 hours away (on a good day!). Let's hope that your grandchildren will visit you frequently (and you them)

True Nfk ?, I am ok x

I find I can put problems under a cushion and sit on it! Works for me. It’s a case of finding some way of controlling them instead of them controlling you. (But I don’t think this would work with that bloody bridge! )

Can emotions be placed in a box ? I think not.