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Impatient as I get older

(16 Posts)
annep Sat 19-May-18 08:46:35

My partner is a bit slower now and keeps asking questions instead of working things out for himself. and I am so impatient. I hate myself for it. Advice on how to cope please.

Luckygirl Sat 19-May-18 08:58:31

Oh annep how I do understand your dilemma, and I know that others on here will also understand. Due to his illness my OH needs a great deal doing for him. But for me the worst thing is his anxiety which is off the scale. Yesterday I was chatting to my sister on the phone and he suddenly decided he did not understand his medication regime and got very anxious about it and insisted that I get off the phone and come and explain it to him - again!!!

I did it, but I know that I did not do it in as sympathetic a manner as maybe I should. That sort of scenario happens over and over again and I often feel ashamed of myself and know that I could have done better.

What to do? - I guess we can only do our best and resolve to cut ourselves some slack. And also try and give ourselves breaks: a wander round a garden centre, a cup of tea out somewhere.

Try not to feel too bad about it - it is not easy. We are older ourselves and are carrying increasing burdens. All we can do is pick ourselves up and try our best to get it right.

grannyactivist Sat 19-May-18 10:05:01

Oh dear - life can be so hard at times. Luckygirl speaks from experience and gives good advice; be kind to yourself and try not to feel too bad.
If you're a self-helper then maybe you could try these tips for developing patience.

tanith Sat 19-May-18 11:08:06

I take myself for a walk round the garden when I feel myself losing patience with OH as I know it’s his pain making him complain about the way I’ve done something .

annep Mon 21-May-18 05:52:59

thank you everyone for your replies. It really helps to know I am not alone in feeling like this and I shall read the tips now on developing patience.

annep Mon 21-May-18 06:02:07

Tips useful. And thanks everyone for your advice too.

Grannyknot Mon 21-May-18 07:16:08

I don't become irritable or "enraged", but I've always done things quickly e.g. I walk fast and I'm generally quite impatient - I might even have been born that way.

So I hope that there's a list of tips somewhere on how to deal with an impatient person - with patience, love etc. etc. grin

(The above is a bit tongue-in-cheek of course!)

Being intolerant of course is a different matter ...

OldMeg Mon 21-May-18 07:27:11

Oh it’s hard isn’t it? My brain is still active, too active sometimes, but I see the DH is having problems these days processing information and remembering things we’ve talked about.

I’m not very patient with him either. It doesn’t make us ‘bad’ people, I think it’s a normal reaction, but I must try harder and imagine how I would feel if the position was reversed.

Teetime Mon 21-May-18 09:28:39

I do sympathise. DH is very deaf on one side and I think this is what is making him unhappy and grumpy. I seem to be getting more easy going as I age and he seems annoyed with everything. He could Tut for England!

Squiffy Mon 21-May-18 10:26:51

I'm still very patient with other people, but so impatient with me! If something I'm doing is fiddly, or simply won't co-operate, I get so annoyed these days and have gone from someone who would have persevered to someone who often just says sod it, life's too short! Surprisingly out of character hmm

justwokeup Tue 22-May-18 12:37:15

I try to look at it from DP's point of view when everything has to be repeated 20 times. I know both my DPs, in their younger days, were intelligent, bright and active and would hate to think that isn't the case now, if they knew. Just the body and brain wearing out - not their choice. I try to think it's just conversation, it could be different things or the same thing 20 times, I try to get something different out of it, a bit like 'Groundhog Day' grin. Patience is a small price to pay for the years of love and care they gave us though it's still not easy and I do have a very patient sounding board in OH! I also think it will be my turn very soon and hope I have patient relatives and friends. hmm

Stansgran Tue 22-May-18 18:00:37

I get very impatient with DH over computer related issues. He has always had extremely efficient secretaries and loses patience with his own handling of the computer. I know his secretaries could read his mind and everything was done by the end of a sentence . He has dreadful trouble expecting the computer to do the same. He will not go on a course and then wants me to sort out emails and photos. I get very sharp with him and don't like myself.

MamaCaz Tue 22-May-18 18:56:20

This thread certainly strikes a chord! I recognise my own reaction to DH in the replies, and also to my DM. I come off the phone after a chat with DM feeling so frustrated by a combination of her forgetfulness and other issues, just to face a similar situation with DH. DS2 has always been forgetful, so conversations with him can be frustrating, and DS1 and DiL1 are so busy with work and our DGCs that the (infrequent) conversations with them are little better.
There are times when I could cry with frustration sad

Actually, there are even times when I ask myself if it could be me who is the one with the problem, as I seem to be the odd one out, and I have to remind myself how much I am sorting out on their behalf on a regular basis to convince myself that that probably isnt the case.

KatyK Tue 22-May-18 19:01:35

After my DH was diagnosed with cancer, I vowed never to be impatient with him again but it's SO difficult. He is hard of hearing and sometimes loses track of conversations when we are in company. He goes off on a tangent because he thinks we are talking about something completely different! I'm sure I drive him mad too - well I know I do.

annep Thu 24-May-18 20:58:19

Just reading about everyone else's similar problems and thoughts and ways of coping has actually really helped me to think and act differently. And I know it's improving. Squiffy I had to laugh at your remarks. Yes life really is too short sometimes to persevere with something for no good reason.
I'm so grateful.

NanKate Thu 24-May-18 21:43:06

Grannyknot I too am a fast walker and it is so frustrating for me to go out with friends who dawdle. I came back from meeting an old friend on Tuesday and we went so slowly round the street Market it left me quite worn out !

Teetime my DH also tuts when things go wrong with the computer and I have to walk away as it irritates me.