What were you like as a DIL

Had a difficult relationship with my MIL
Did get on well with her mother (Gran in law).
I made sure that my children visited with my DH.
I was always careful about what I said in front of my children.
Unfortunately my mother in law favoured my son and upset my daughter on numerous occasions, so there never was a good relationship between them.

My MiL is almost 93.
And how things have changed
She has dementia.
And I now help care for her.

I never really had a relationship with my mil. We didn’t not get along as such, we just had very little to do with each other. We saw each other at ‘official’ family occasions, but other than that my husband visited his family and I visited mine. When ds was born 8 years into our marriage, mil and I did see each other slightly more, but we never built any real relationship. She wasn't critical or rude, just neither of us made an effort to be family. My husband and I divorced when ds was 2, and I never saw her again.

Seeing how well my dil has been able to build relationships with our family does make me wish I had tried harder, but you live and learn.

I was too nice. I did my best and it did me no good.
Through her attitude to me she lost her son but we cared for her for 12 years when she was in a home. She lived to be 98.

I was in awe of my mil and still am to a degree. She was always so bright and fashion conscious, pretty and petite, well read and sharp, university educated and a brilliant cook.
A superwoman in fact!! Quite scary for me as I was young and none of these things.
Over the years we have both mellowed and understand and accept each other. She is a wonderful grandmother and gt grandmother as well so I can't complain. I am her only dil. I'm quite good to her. I could be a better dil but I do make sure her DS sees her often which makes her very happy.

I miss my DM, who died years ago, because she was warm and loving, although difficult at times.
It takes all sorts doesn't it.

I think she thought we got on ok but I couldn't warm to her, she was very nosy about what her precious (only) son was doing. They both smoked like troopers which I hated. On occasions when they baby sat I thought she went through our pile of post/bills etc. Devious to the end I set a trap and sure enough the mail was disturbed. After she died FIL said "she always said you were a very private person". Yes, there was a reason for that!

Apparently I used to give my MIL migraines.
I wish I had known that before I divorced her son - she could have had a few more!

I loved both of my in-laws from day one. My FIL died 18 years after we married, and I really did miss him. MIL died in 2000, nearly 37 years after we married, and we still got on well. She had a few funny ways about her, but it didn`t stop me caring a lot about her.

I had a very good relationship with my MIL. It was MIL who stayed with me when I had my second baby at home, my mother notable by her absence.
When MIL needed care after an operation we had her stay with us for a few months, I am so pleased we did this because she died when she was in her 50s.
MIL was not an academic, she was a practical 'salt of the earth' type and is sorely missed.

Mine was and still is lovely. She has just celebrated her 92 birthday, surrounded by her daughters, grandchildren, and newest great grandchild ... she never interfers, has always supported, tells the truth in love, can give a look that kills, and we all love her...

I got my first MIL in later life from a second marriage, soon followed by a DIL. and then another when the first was replaced. While I feel it is necessary to have a sense of duty and respect for mine as the mother of my beloved, the DILs never showed any signs of that. They always seemed to expect DS to shop and cook and prepare if we did visit. Not sure if it is generational thing, or whether I just hit unlucky.

My MiL disliked me from the start, because she 'adored' DH's ex fiancée (they'd broken up ages before we met).
I was introduced to everyone as DIL, never by my name, or by ex fiancee's name!
My SIL told me recently that her mother hated me (although I was a taxi service for her, cared for her when she was ill, when she was dying and helped lay her out)
I think she was a bitter lady, went to church three times a week but never had a good thing to say about anyone.
Very sad because I would have loved a nice mil.

Loved my MIL she raised 8 children, amazing mum great patience I learnt a lot from her no airs and graces, just got on with life. Loved all her gcs.
Sadly knocked down whileon a zebra crossing. Was unconscious for 6weeks. Never the same after that died 2 and half years later.
My mum was great.

I came to love her. I could have been a much better DIL.
Neither of us were perfect, who is? But she was a very special lady. I hope I can aspire to be as special as she was.

I did not have a MIL my H's mother having died over 10 yrs before we met.
I loved Taid (Welsh for Grandad) so much, I used to say that had I met him before I met my husband, I would have married my husband's father instead!

My MiL changed and then back again several times over the years. Not wild about me as girlfriend, much better as a bride, not so keen on me after I'd produced grandchildren, loved me after she was widowed. But as a divorcee, pleasant initially, then no contact with me or her grandchildren.
Me as a DiL? I hope I took it as it came!

I hardly ever saw my in-laws, because they lived on the other side of the world. I would say with my MIL I was polite, but I didn’t really like her. I loved my FIL, and I thought he had a tough time being married to MIL!

My MiL was a lonely lady once her sons had married and left the nest. They had been her life's work. Her favourite DS1 lived some distance away. I was married to DS2 and we lived in the same town. So when our first was born, and I was at home feeling like company, I used to walk him over to theirs and spend the day with her. Or we would meet her in town for coffee.

Sadly she died five years after we were married, so I'm glad I took the trouble. She was a warm and loving Mum in Law, though with no sense of humour and no tact. But hey ho, her heart was in the right place, as they say. I remember her fondly

Was public enemy number one when I married my husband. Only child and son and she really tried to dominate him. All she did was turn him against her.nlots of unhappy times with her lots of rows then she became old and needed me tides changed. I was the best daughter in law ever and helped her enormously in later years.bshe died in Feb and Ido miss her but glad of the release.

Y'know this topic resonates hugely with me. I'm currently licking my 'wounds' and wishing I saw more of my GC. Then I think back and realise this is somewhat of a reflection of when I was the DiL. Both GMs lived in the same city and when I visited there I naturally gravitated to my Mum's rather than MiL. As I say, this was 'natural'. In my case Mum's was where I kicked off my shoes and relaxed whereas in MiL it was a more formal affair where I was more than a guest but less than family. I did not remotely dislike MiL but nor did I feel any natural warmth for her other than she had produced and reared a wonderful son. We had a very respectful recognition of each other and, the more I think of it, the more I realise I could probably have done much better. Often think of this. Not with regret, exactly but...... I wonder. Think this helps when I'm experiencing longing to see my GC. Not payback at all. Just more understanding.

I never got on with my MIL but found out a few years into my marriage that my dear mum and FIL had been having an affair. Explained a lot but she treated my kids differently too and I couldn't forgive that.

My experience as a dil may not be your usual.
My future mil and family moved next door to us. I was fourteen years old still at school . I did not meet her son in person, who was to be my DH, until I was eighteen as he was serving in the military and when on leave always had a girl with him. We did eventually get together at a party his parents gave on him leaving the military, eventually engaged and married by then I realised I wasn't really what mum had intended for him so it was icy to say the least.Only when I presented two GC did I get 'approval' and can honestly say I could not have had a better MIl. Doing more for me being there for me far more than my own mother would ever do or did do.

I had lovely relationships with both my MIL’s it’s their sons I had issues with ! Both MILs fully supported me until the divorce(s) then naturally supported their sons. I have now been blessed with 2 wonderful DIL’s myself and love them both dearly. Even one ex DIL is still close to me and asks my advice etc

I was 19, pregnant and from a catholic family so not a good start. All the other family members were great and over time I developed a very good relationship and friendship with Mil. She opened up to me about family issues that she couldn't discuss with others. Nothing compares to your own mum and that's why when my son got married I always said I would welcome whoever they chose with open arms to make life as easy as possible for everyone. Sadly it doesn't always help.

My MIL visited every week during my marriage. Once I had DC she stayed overnight as well. She meant well but was very hard work. She thought I was a bad mother for not giving my baby sweets and would shovel sweets in his mouth anyway. She would rearrange the furniture. She considered I knew nothing about childcare or housework as I was a "posh" grammar school girl. She did look after the DC regularly and they loved her. My DH rowed with her regularly. Quite a mixed bag!

My MIL was difficult. She always gave the impression that I was not good enough (i.e. of an appropriate social class) for her son. We visited her at least weekly but relationships were very formal. I never called her anything but Mrs A. She often dictated how things, including child-rearing, should be done. DH and I smiled politely and continued to do things our own way. My MIL and I maintained a polite relationship, without any real fondness.