What were you like as a DIL

I got on well with my MiL. I feel very fortunate when I hear how some MiL's and DiL's can be with each other. My FiL was lovely, too. Miss them both very much.

Mine lived 1,000 km away from me - I met her about 20 times. It worked well for me !

My ex's mother was a sweet old dear, but I didn't see her often as we lived far apart.
My present husband's Mum had died before I met him, so sorry, no real experience.

Haven’t hadn’t contact with mine for years. I tried so hard even after my husband died. When my father in law was dying I sat at his bedside with her through the night, we went into a small ward next to his for a little break and she started to discuss his funeral , didn’t want anyone coming back to her house walking over her carpets, he was still alive. Less than two years later she remarried, when he died she phoned me that morning, I went straight to her house, she was on the phone to the council asking if she could have her first husbands pension back, her second husband had been dead about two hours. I could take anymore of her . Her daughter doesn’t speak to her . She then starting seeing another man but ended that when he told her he rented his house !

I don’t think my mother in law liked the idea that her son was marrying an “outsider”! And an English outsider at that (they were Welsh). She had someone in mind for him and it wasn’t me, so the MiL/DiL thing was never going to work, even if I had tried harder - which I didn’t! With us being a service family, we didn’t get to see the family that often.

I loved my MIL.

She was very different from me. She was quite argumentative (not with me, but she took umbrage easily) but fortunately I like a quiet life, so we didn't cross swords.

We became great friends and I was by her side during many family tragedies. She was helpful and chatty and even though we lived far apart she'd phone me every single week just for a chat, or to unload when she felt lonely. After I divorced her son she still visited me, and I her. She loved babies and did so much for my children, her grandchildren, when they were young. She was a strong woman and watching her become frail and forgetful in old age caused me much pain. She was like a surrogate Mum to me, and I know she was fond of me too.

I am glad I had her in my life.

We were very different people but I tried my best to make a relationship with my in laws , often inviting them both over, suggesting visits there to my dh, as well as welcoming them every Christmas and other holidays which meant a a long trip to pick them up and take them home after a few days.
It turned out that while I had been cooking all those meals in the kitchen my mil was criticising me to my children in the living room. They were mortified and so was I when they eventually told me.
I decided that I would do my best to be a as good a mil as I could, not sure if I have succeeded but always try to be fair and supportive to my children’s partners.

We always got on well even though I probably wasn’t the sort of DIL she had imagined. She was very houseproud and waited on her husband and sons. As a women’s libber in the seventies, I worked full time and DH and I shared all the chores. The most she ever did to show disapproval was a shake of the head, the same shake of the head I find myself using now with my DD. (Wouldn’t dare with DIL though!)

It took a good few years to know my MIL, I married her eldest son in Singapore in 1970. I hadn’t met her before we married and for a good many years she seemed to ‘not approve of me’. However I’m pleased to say I eventually grew on her and by the time she sadly died in February 2017 we were very close.

My ma in law was older, closer to my grandmothers age. Mr C had moved away for work and our first home was 200 miles from her. A journey there took hours and hours. We went as much as we could, she came and stayed once a year. I was totally in awe of her competence and capability. Much to my shame I never called her anything, different times, her first name would have been impossible, I was too shy to ask her if I could call her ma. She was totally accepting of me and unfailingly kind. I never heard her complain or sensed any negativity. She loved the children, sometimes commented that ‘things are different now’ but only offered advice when asked. I learned a lot from her and have always been sad that she died just before we moved an easy journey from her home.

I had a good relationship with my MIL . She was a straight talking, very old fashioned northener. She told it how it was. When we were first going out we were not allowed upstairs together !!!
We eventually divorced after 19 years together and I remember MIL saying to her son that if he had treated me better then we would still be together.
I kept in touch with her and went to her funeral when she eventually died.

My MiL was as near perfect as they came. I married an only son and an only child and she was welcoming and friendly from day 1. I cannot remember ever having a disagreement with her and sometimes found her far easier to confide in than my own DM. She died, aged 69, shortly after she moved to be near us after she was widowed. She had been my MiL for 16 years.

My MiL and I were polite strangers. She lived 50 miles away. H would ring them weekly but we only saw them 2-3 times a year as neither couple had a car and money was tight so travel had to be limited..
We rubbed along when we did meet and she was generous to H and I. She died when I was pregnant with our first, so she never had the chance to interfere with child rearing.
I feel for H that neither his mum or dad met our children. We were married 10 yrs before I managed to get pregnant and H's dad had died about 4 yrs after we married.

My MIL disliked me intensely. DH had been going out with a girl for a few years before me and his mother loved her. This girl left my DH for another chap. My childhood had been very difficult and I had no experience of 'ordinary' families like them or ordinary family life. I was shy, unwordly and had no clue about anything. My MIL saw this as unfriendly, uncommunicative and unhelpful. She did not attend our (very small) wedding and told the rest of DH's relatives how awful I was so they didn't attend or give us presents. I felt sorry for my DH. There was a sort of a reconciliation after our daughter was born and we lived with them for a few months but she always made my life very difficult. She got dementia and died at 52 which was very sad.

My MIL was a somewhat difficult and demanding personality with a tendency to find any way she could to ensure attention was always on her. However she was my husbands mother, adored by my FIL (who was very different!) and I worked incredibly hard to develop a relationship with her over time. It took a lot of slog, some tolerance of foibles and a refusal to allow unpleasant barbs etc to get to me or cause problems. The one area where I would not compromise was in relation to our children but I was careful to deal with any issues directly but kindly, always finding a way to acknowledge her role as a Grandmother , whilst making it clear if something was inappropriate. I used "broken record" if she ignored me the first time, just repeating what was not acceptable endlessly but gently and kindly and always repeating her important role as a Granny etc etc. All this did work and we developed a tolerable relationship. I would take small gifts and flowers when we visited and laugh when I got them back wrapped up for my next birthday!! I listened for things she liked and made sure those were bought for her birthday or Christmas. So, I was no walk over (far from it) but I was determined not to allow her to cause problems between me and my husband; he did stand with me over the children which helped. He knew that I would always stand up for myself in my own way and I never expected him to speak to his mother on my behalf.
I am not suggesting this was easy nor that I was perfect in handling it (far from it!) ...but it certainly makes me think when reading some threads on here ...and also in relation to the work I do to try and develop/maintain a relationship with my own DIL - almost reverse history repeating itself I think! And yes I am aware that I am the common factor in both relationships before anyone points that out to me and maybe suggests that I should consider that! I have...endlessly!

My MIL was an intellectual of the first order - it helped that I had some French, German and Latin or conversations at the dinner table would have been rather difficult - she would quote scripture, Shakespeare, Goethe, etc. etc. It was always a bit of a brain work-out with her!

We never lived near enough for us to fall out; but visits to their place were not restful for us - she did not like the children making any noise; and did not want them playing in the garden in case they disturbed the neighbours. They were not wild children by the way; just children.

And she became alcoholic due to being downtrodden by FIL - what a waste of her marvelous brain!

She once looked after my children for a day and failed to notice that one of them had finished the day with only one of her long plaits!!!

She never criticized me or gave me any grief - except having to search out the sherry bottles when she stayed. She barely noticed what was going on around her.

Now, my FIL was another story!!!

I think I was alright, we got on well although I didn’t live nearby so we only met A few times a year I lived with her for a few months and we didn’t have any problems
After me and my husband broke up I kept in touch with my mum in law by letter and I used to send photos, school reports and updates Although she had a good many grandchildren she always took an interest in mine from a distance
She was not a hands on gran because of the geographical distance

My MIL is always so nice to my face & on the phone but says the most hateful things to my DH. She totally ignored myself, my daughter and all my friends at our wedding in 2016. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and put her rudeness down to her hearing problems.

Recently I have started my own business, obviously with a little financial and lots of emotional support from DH, to my face she told me its a wonderful idea whereas behind my back she's telling everyone I'm spending far more than I will ever earn!!!!!

Anyway, thankfully, her DD and her favourite DS live much closer than we do so I don't let it bother me .

As with members of my own family, if they cant be pleasant I have no time for them. Life is too short to deal with difficult folk (Whether family or not)

My MIL rubbed me up the wrong way right from the start. As OP said, my own mum could do no wrong! Me and DH were only 16 & 17 when we met. I don’t think she took us seriously. She certainly didn’t think I was good enough, I came from solid working class stock and lived in a council house. To be fair Her family weren’t much better, but they had somehow secured Private schooling, thanks to generous relatives and scholarships. FIL was an absolute dear. She used to say ‘poor xxx – having to cook when he gets home from work’ - We both worked full time and took turns. She would offer to take my washing to get the stains out etc. This used to infuriate me! However, my own mother could turn up out of the blue and start washing up and it never bothered me. Hind sight is an amazing thing. I am sure MIL was only trying to be helpful, but I so resented her. My parents had little money. FIL died before the grandkids were born, and she helped out a lot financially when we were struggling – but boy did we know it! I know accept it as just part of her personality. She has always and still does like to be ‘Centre Stage’. Once we were married I never spent Christmas with my parents again – one thing I do find hard to forgive. She would sulk up a storm if we suggested she take up her Sister or Mothers offer to join them. My Dear mum would encourage me to not argue with her. She only had the one child. My argument was I only had one mum! We all now find it funny and make allowance for her. She has to be the centre of conversation or she sulks and get genuinely upset. My kids are always running around after her, as is my husband (I don’t drive), but she goes on and on about being neglected! Still, I am now pretty fond of her. She is the only grandparent left, I lost both my parents by my mid 30’s and I know that despite her sometimes challenging behaviour that she loves us – even me to a certain degree! When she has had a fall or spent time in hospital, it is always me that spends hours by her bedside and liaises with the Medical Staff. I can moan about her – but don’t like to hear it from anyone else!

My MIL thought I was wonderful and told everyone so. Little did she know what I was really like! She was a doting mother of just the one child, so she could have thought no girl would be good enough for her precious son, so I was very lucky. After we had children and grandchildren she did become rather needy and jealous of them taking attention away from her. Her tactic was to buy cream cakes or something perishable for us or them and expect us to visit to pick them up when we were really too busy. She even forgave me for divorcing her son and we remained close.

Love my MIL to bits,we got on well from day one and apart from a couple of insensitive remarks when I lost babies I've never had any problems with her.I've always said when she gets to a stage where she cant live on her own she can move in with us.IF she wants to.She says I'm more of a daughter to her than the one she gave birth to and she can tell me things she wont tell anyone else .I have the same rellationship with my son in law AND my Ex son in law who we've stayed close to ...because of the children at first after the divorce but we realised we still loved him like a son..even though he was a cheat and hurt my daughter...she still stays friends with him too.My soon to be DIL has exactly the same nature as me so we can conspire agianst the men in our lives who are like two peas in a pod ...in habits and hobbies and work ethic .I've always looked after the GC since the first was born 15 years ago..in fact today I took him for his neurology appointment because mum was ill .The doctor remarked about how well I know his medical details and his routines..lol

My mother in law was very competent at everything she did! dh was not her favourite son so I was,not her favourite dil. As we lived closest, I was the most practical support and then when we had lots of children and I proved to be a capable mother I became the favourite. She even left me her fabulous engagement ring.

So, on balance, I must have been an ok dil!

My relationship was not good She didn’t want to lose her son but as it turned out we shared a house for 8yrs once we were married, we rubbed along but it wasn’t easy.

Long story short 20yrs on I left her son as he was an alcoholic by this time his family couldn’t believe as he’d hidden it well.

I remarried and down the line she contacted me when her husband was very ill and we actually got on much better. After her husband died and then my ex also passed away from the drink I was her only support for the next 12 yrs and she sadly passed away at 93 last Christmas I was actually very fond of her as we had laid all our earlier angst to rest.

I have to admit my relationship with my exMIL was not good. We just didnt like each other very much but because of exH tolerated and were polite when we met. When I had DD she decreed she would come to stay for 2 weeks "to help" with the baby going home just as my own DM went away on holiday leaving me alone still unable to sit, stand, or walk very well due to a bad birth experience (loads of stitches!).
My exH was a violent man to both DD and myself and when I finally managed to part from him she called me all sorts of names and said I was lying about H. Later she found out the truth when he attacked her!
I tried to keep contact for my DD as she was the only GC but that came to an end and DD had NC for many years. DD then contacted her after she had had her own child and began visiting. She is now her GMs carer! Over the last few years I have had contact with her again and she has apologised for how she was with me. The poor woman is now devastated at her son (only child) and his behaviour now and then.
Maybe age has mellowed us but at last we are friends if not best mates! My now MIL on the hand dont get me started.