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Apparently, I'm not entitled to a grant!!

(20 Posts)
kittylester Thu 31-May-18 17:03:50

The phone just rang and, as I was unloading the car, I rushed to answer, without checking caller display, expecting it to be DH telling me when to expect him home. It wasn't DH but someone who said his name was Michael. The conversation went as follows:

Hello, love, how are you?

I'm fine but please don't call me love.

OK, dear, can you tell me how old your boiler is?

Please don't call me dear! Why do you want to know?

Is it over 5 years old, love?

Probably, please don't call me love.

And, do you receive any benefits, love?

No, and please don't call me love.

Oh, that means you are not entitled to a grant.

A grant for what?

A new boiler, love.

I don't want a new boiler nor did I ask if I could have a grant!

No, dear, I'm explaining you are not entitled to a grant.

PLEASE don't call me love or dear. Why did I need a grant?


I didn't ask for a grant, why would I need a grant and, please don't call me dear!


Then the phone went dead.

I really enjoyed myself!!

Bridgeit Thu 31-May-18 17:17:16

That’s so funny , well done .

Jalima1108 Thu 31-May-18 17:29:28


Well done

Mapleleaf Thu 31-May-18 18:01:34

grin grin

Eloethan Thu 31-May-18 18:04:02

That's hilarious! Cheeky so and so - him not you.

MawBroon Thu 31-May-18 18:08:10

Oh dear, how sad that you are not entitled to a grant dear/love grin
🦆 🦆 🦆 for cover

glammanana Thu 31-May-18 18:45:44

Love it !! mi dear.

BlueBelle Thu 31-May-18 18:54:51

I had a fun one too the other day phone rang nice sounding gentleman said I m ringing about your recent accident
I said I haven’t had an accident he said yes the accident you had in your car I said I don’t have a car, he insisted I mean the accident you had was in your C-A-R ( spelling it out) I replied I don’t have a C-A-R he said well how do you get around I answered on my B-I-C-Y-C-L-E he replied I m ringing about the accident you had on your bicycle I replied I haven’t had an accident on my bicycle but maybe I can help you, how he says well I m worried about the accident you had on your bicycle he answered I didn’t have an accident on my bicycle so I said aren’t we both lucky and he put the phone down

FarNorth Thu 31-May-18 19:26:55


annep Thu 31-May-18 22:22:21


endre123 Thu 31-May-18 22:54:45

If they come from a call centre try and get to the top honcho ( because you can't understand something) then get him to describe what he is selling in detail. Then say that's bad, you're cold calling, you are a VERY NAUGHTY BOY! Like most bad boys they will say "I am not a naughty boy"! Then wait to listen to the laughter coming from the rest of the staff.

Bathsheba Thu 31-May-18 22:54:48

Dear oh dear!

Teetime Fri 01-Jun-18 08:55:13

I would like to have heard that 'kittylester'. grin

You are very polite I would have said 'b**g* off' very early on in that conversation.

kittylester Fri 01-Jun-18 09:14:05

I usually do but just thought I'd have some fun!!

annodomini Fri 01-Jun-18 09:48:38

Oh dear,*kitty*, I'm so sorry to hear you aren't eligible for a grant! grin

Billybob4491 Fri 01-Jun-18 10:17:15

I also had a call wanting to know about my car accident, which I havnt had, tried explaining this to him, he ended up say "what was the outcome of your car accident then"? I said "I died", suddenly the call from his end was terminated.

Luckygirl Fri 01-Jun-18 11:27:29

Crazy crazy stuff! I feel sorry for these callers - what a total pointless waste of a life.

MY SonIL did something pretty similar (and equally amusing) on the phone and then put it down. The phone rang again and the caller told him to F off! - I do hope his supervisor was not listening or the poor chap probably got the sack.

Dolcelatte Fri 01-Jun-18 18:59:26

Ha, ha. I said which of the three accidents was it and they got very excited and put me onto a supervisor, then I hung up. I have also said yes, it was very serious fatal, in fact....took a few moments for the penny to drop!

Jalima1108 Fri 01-Jun-18 19:40:18

Unfortunately, DH is not entitled to any refund on the PPI he never took out.
But I had a nice chat with the young man who told me he had.

Willow500 Sat 02-Jun-18 06:59:21

I'm sick to death of getting the same pre-recorded message with just a different callers name 'about the recent accident I had in my car - is that right?' If you say nothing it cuts off - if you say anything it clicks over to a real person. I've blocked all the numbers but they still keep coming through - I'm not quick enough to think of something witty to say but my husband is great at it. When they ring at work the staff always put the calls through to him then listen in as he tells them such tales! grin