The things they say - DHs that is!

My DH husband always said he didnt dream because he didnt remember anything when he woke up in the morning. Now he has PTSD I have to wake him at times because whatever dream or nightmare he is having causes him to cry real tears and it is so upsetting for him. And me too.

My h just snores, so if my gd is not there I go in her bed
I snore too.

I’ve laughed so much at some of these that the tears mixed with my suncream and my eyes are stinging like heck. Keep ‘em coming

I have laughed so much at some of your nocturnal experiences!
My DH occasionally kicks me repeatedy as if he is running or riding a bike in his dream.
But about 10 years ago I awoke one morning to find a concrete garden gnome on top of the laundry basket in the corner of our bedroom. It had definitely not been there when we went to bed because I had put my clothes in the basket. We didn't have any gnomes in our garden - I can't stand them. I asked DH about it, he was as puzzled as me, but when he got put of bed there was grass between his toes and dirty footprints in the hall. We were the only ones at home that night, the kids were away. So the question was: where did he go in the night and whose garden did he take the gnome from? I didn't recall any of our near neighbours having gnomes. But more importantly did he put his dressing gown on - he always sleeps in the buff! We never did find out where the gnome came from.

Your husband's night time antics have really made me laugh out loud.
Thank you!!

Oh Daisyboots that must be awful for both of you. Sending a hug

Was the cat in the bed, nanasam, or did you just dream that it was?

Can't think of anything, but I just wanted to say 'thank you' for the best laugh out loud moments I have had for ages!

Empty nester, my OH does the same, he startshuffing and puffing and then starts kicking. Says he’s dreaming he is playing football. The other thing he did was lean over me and grabbed a huge chunk of flab on my hip/stock and started pulling! When I yelled and pushed him it woke him up and he said he was dreaming that he was pulling a boat in! Now when he starts moving in h is sleep I just get up and movetothespare bed. He’s a lovely gently really.

My DH has suddenly started having vivid dreams and even begun acting them out. The worst one is where he has overslept and is worried he is going to be late for work. His arms shoot out throwing off the bedclothes as he shouts "oh, no!" which would be bad enough if has arm didn't land right across my solar plexus winding me. DD wondered what on earth was going on as she heard the shout from her dad followed by the grunt and "not again" from me. He left that job in 1994!

Ah but as a retired teacher I still dream sometimes that Im late for a lesson, haven't prepared anything, can't find the classroom and usually there's an Ofsted inspection too. Sometimes I'm improperly dressed eg naked from the waist down and keep trying to pull my jumper down. And I retired over 20 years ago!

Thank you all for cheering me up immensely - haven't laughed so much for ages

We can’t always blame them. While still working I got up for breakfast, switched on the computer and sent an email to someone who had been irritating me. I then went into kitchen to put kettle on, saw clock was wrong and thought we had had a power cut. Slowly it dawned on me it was 2am and I went back to bed only to wake up in a sweat at the proper time wondering what I had said in the email. Luckily it was ok. Phew! I then did the exact same thing about a week later. Was it sleep walking that just slowly moved into waking?

Oh this thread is so great I was sneakily reading it this afternoon when at work, and had to actually stop reading before I exploded with laughter. The guy next to me was giving me odd looks, as he saw my facial contortions trying to hold in the laughter.

Silly things really amuse me, and once I start laughing I can't stop, I end up literally crying. It would be rather embarrassing at work, especially if I then had to explain what had set me off.

Thank you all. Laughter is the best medicine …. that sure is true.

My DH dreams he is playing hockey or football, and I get a whack across the face or a hard kick. When I try to wake him up to protest, he is not at all apologetic and accuses me of obstruction! But I would almost rather that than his insistence on telling me the intricate details of each dream in the morning, at great length....!

BTW, vivid dreams can be a side effect of statins, www.druginformer.com/search/side_effect_details/zocor/vivid%20dreams.html
although my husband came off them, so his night-time sporting activities must be due to something else!

Gosh, you all make my DH's nocturnal going-ons and conversations quite normal!

My DH also kicks out in the night. There was one time, about 10 years ago when we were on holiday and sleeping in twin beds. Suddenly there was a huge bang, followed by DH leaping out of bed in agony. Apparently, he had dreamt that a dog had started to pee on his leg, and he had kicked out at it. Unfortunately for him, his bed was against the wall, and that is what he had kicked!

Another time, I heard him say "It is me - I am zee sliced walnut!". Moments later he woke up laughing hysterically - it turns out that he had been dreaming that he was a Scarlet Pimpernel- type character. Ever since, we regularly joke about his alter ego, the Sliced Walnut

Oh dear, I haven't laughed so much for ages. I was sulking over an alleged misdemeanour of one of my DIL's- soon forgot that!
My OH doesn't talk in his sleep, in fact he hardly seems to move, But apparantley I speak in other languages, talk in Elizabethan on occasion, wave to things , sit bolt upright, wag my finger and worst of all snore loudly or hold my breath for long periods. Bless my OH, he is a light sleeper, and to his credit just finds my nocturnal ramblings amusing! Legs55 and annsixty hilarious!As for Phoenix, I nearly wet myself.

My hubby is ex RAF and when our relationship was fairly new, we were babysitting for my daughters new baby. She was a few months old. She was sleeping in her cot at the side of bed, when she woke us with a wierd shrieking kind of sound ( daughter had forgotten to mention that she did this occasionally). Well, my hubby jumped out of bed and stood to attention at the side for a minute before he realised where he was. He said she had sounded like a siren that was sometimes used to wake the guys up.

Baby was fine and carried on sleeping!

pollyperkins I can relate to your dream of being late. I sometimes have a dream where I am trying to get to work - it's about 4 pm and it's been a catalogue of disasters and delays, the tube has broken down, I've transferred to a bus - it goes the wrong way, etc. etc. I've been retired for 8 years now. It's such a relief to wake up.

My husband once starting cuddling me in his sleep. When I told him to let me sleep he replied "Oh sorry, I thought you were someone else". I got the giggles, which woke him up and then HE was grumpy :-)

A few years ago my brother and family were all abroad as one of his children was being married abroad.

Now, bear in mind that whilst my brother is full of fun .... He is also very clean living. No swearing or inappropriate talk.

It was high summer and very hot. We were all meeting up in the hotel foyer. Dear brother was well laid back in a chair mopping his brow and enjoying a large glass of iced water. He says ....Oh.. The heat... Look at the state of me, my foreskin is soaking !!!

He immediately realized what he'd said and was mortified. We all laughed so hard, he had to laugh at himself.... But was affronted at having said this in particular as his daughter was present (40) and several other of us ladies. We've never let him forget it.

Just before his faux pas his daughter had actually taken a pic of him sprawled in the chair mopping his 'forehead ' and every so often she still teases him by putting this pic on FB with the comment..... So hot Dad!! He takes it in good spirits

Oh my, what interesting nights some of you have, I have nothing of interest to report, luckily my husband goes to sleep and doesn't talk or shout in his sleep but I have had a good laugh at some of your amusing stories.

OMG this thread is so funny but the one that has made me laugh the most is MamaCaz and her husband "The Sliced Walnut".
I shall be chuckling for the rest of the day.
Thank you all, again, for cheering me up!!