Just pop in for a moment

I'm sorry for your loss, Felice, and for yours, Dragonfly.

The lack of service and consideration by the unit manager is unacceptable, and you should report it in the hope that improvements will be made. And as for commenting on how often you visited, how thoughtless. When my MIL was in a care home, we attended a meeting called by the relatively new social manager. He said in front of everyone that he didn't recognise some people there, including us, so we obviously didn't visit often. When called out, he admitted he only worked till 5pm, as did we and many other relatives there. We lived locally and DH visited nearly every evening.

I live in a retirement home, and find family contacts are the first and foremost thing on moving into one , relatives details are a number one priority.
But some organisation's can vary as to there services etc.
Mick

felice and dragonfly46 So sorry to hear of your losses. Deepest condolences. for each of you.

Felice and Dragonfly Thinking of you both at this very sad time. ???????

My sympathy on the death of your mother ...always a sad time even when expected. Your mother's care home had no right to speak to you in those terms .......I often see criticism of 'children' who abandon parents into old folk's homes, or leave them in a hospital bed, thereby bed blocking ...but time have changed, and 'children' now often live a long way away, or have full time jobs or perhaps caring for grandchildren ....in an ideal world we would all have property large enough to build a granny flat, and money to pay for private care ....however the reality is something else and we all do what we can. I asked my dad to live with me (I had a big enough house in the UK)...he refused ............I lived 200 miles away from him, and saw him most weekends (full time job and small children as well) and bought him up to mine for holidays and Christmas. I was s till criticised when he died for not helping ....I really don't know how much more help I could have given ! I would either facebook this, or highlight it to the home Management (or company that runs it if it is not privately owned......( at best all you will get is an 'apology' or at worst nothing ...................and I really hope they don't present you with another months fees bill (a lot of them do !)...........If it is a group owned home, write to the Chief Executive as well ....probably not get a response, but it will help .....also the !QCC that shouold oversee the running of the home and Age UK for interest ! Hope everything goes well for you next week

I would call and ask to speak to the owner ( private or council) and say their senior staff need more training as the person you spoke to had no idea of the importance of knowing about each of their resident's personal circumstances. Particularly for a long standing one, there 's no excuse.

Even if it was a new manger starting that day it does not account for how you were criticised for not visiting and sloppy recording of contact details. Say you will put all your concerns in an email and ask the owner to let you know what steps are being taken to rectify this situation. If this happened to you, it will happen to others living there and incompetent staff need to be called out. If you choose to work in the care industry, you need to show care to residents and their families.

Condolences to you both felice and dragonfly46.

I am so sorry to hear this. My dad died last night and the care home just went above and beyond to help him and me. I feel at peace knowing it was what he wanted.

That is appalling!

So sorry for your loss felice, particularly coming as it did so soon after the upset with the unit manager.

You should definitely make a formal complaint to the care home, firstly for ringing a random number, and secondly for having the sheer nerve to tick you off about visiting your mother. What a damn cheek!

If they'd followed correct procedure and checked the care package neither of these appalling errors would have taken place. Shocking imo.

Its not for staff to comment at all on anything beyond the care of the person they are looking after.
Its appalling that they did.

Deepest condolences on the loss of your Mother - one would hope the care home learns a valuable lesson once you launch your well justified rockets.

How dare they criticise you for how often you did or did not visit. Incredibly rude, not to mention judgemental - especially as actually reading available documents would have told them all they needed to know.

So sorry for the loss of your mother

I, too, think that you should complain once you feel up to it - you have much else to cope with at the moment. Your action will, hopefully, prevent something similar happening to another family.

So sorry felice that you have been upset by this incompetence just before your mother's passing

My condolences on the loss of your mother.I agree with Patticake that you should complain because other families will have to go through the same thing otherwise.

Felice ?

Please accept my sympathy on the death of your Mum. Give yourself time to grieve but I do think you need to complain both to the manager/owner of the home and the care commission for the home. This is unacceptable behaviour and they need to learn from your appalling experience. Keep strong and care for yourself and your family.

m

So sorry you had careless incompetence to cope with in your mother’s last days.

felice

felice

my sincere condolences Felice.
A sad time, however much not unexpected, given her amazing age.
A wrench at whatever age.

My heartfelt sympathy. How lucky you were to have your mother in your life for so long, even though it sounds as if the past nine years weren’t so good. I had issues regarding the care my father received in his last few days, but once he was gone it felt irrelevant. Look after yourself and give your mother a lovely farewell.

Just to update my Mother died quietly in her sleep last night. DS2 was with her until about an hour before then she just went to sleep.
I will be having some words when I go over to get everything sorted next week.
Now back to contacting family etc
thanks x

Definitely a bit slap dash regarding your Mother's details. Personally I would be livid and contact the Care Commission in Dundee to report this lack of proper personal details. Goodness knows what else they are slap dash about. With the length of time your Mother has lived there her details should be well known.

Thats awful and no wonder you are so upset and for her to say that you don’t visit very often is totally out of order and rude in my opinion. If she isn’t reading the care plan that it itself is worrying as you can only wonder what else she isn’t doing right. Care plans are out there for a reason. It’s important that they get it right as there is no second chances when the person passes.