Soop's super supportive kitchen.

Morning everyone – it’s very sunny here again which unfortunately is showing up all the dust – I am trying it ignore it.

Ann I too am relieved you have almost made the inevitable decision and also that you have discussed it with your daughter and granddaughter and have their blessing. There is a saying 'once the man twice the child' and sadly this is definitely the case with this cruel disease. It is such a relief to hand the care over to the carers on a permanent basis and have some time to yourself but be able to spend more quality time with your loved one again.

Overthehills what a dreadful situation for your daughter and granddaughter – he sounds truly awful and a terrible bully. I really hope that his threats come to nothing – what a worry for you all.

GD those photos of all the apples reminded me of a friend who has recently moved house and sent a photo of the garden completely strewn with apples – there were so many it was actually funny and although they’d used as many as they could and put bags outside the gate the dogs were then playing with them!

Charley good luck with weaning Tara – I do try to ration the sweeties and biscuits that Alfie has but he gets half way though his bowl of food then refuses to eat any more until I put some biscuits in with it. As Daph has no teeth she just swallows them so is only allowed a few.

Corner pleased you managed to get your tooth sorted out – hopefully it will last a while longer before having to be removed. I’ve just had my Denplan renewal this morning which has now gone up another £2 a month – I rather think I might have to rethink this next year as I won’t be working and probably won’t be able to afford it.

Eilyann your daughter’s escapade made me laugh – I bet your grandson would find it hilarious if he knew but maybe best to keep it quiet for a while!

Harrigran I hope your husband soon stars to feel better – it sounds awful and I hope you don’t get it. I’ve just booked our flu jabs for next week so am slightly worried that all these illnesses might be linked.

I found out last night that my DiL had been in hospital yesterday for a colonoscopy – she’s apparently been having some problems for a few weeks and with 3 aunts all having had cancer they have quite rightly done some investigations – they took some biopsies and the results will come next week although thankfully they had said there didn’t seem to be anything untoward showing. I wish we had known - not that we could have done anything as they’re 2 hours away but I feel very guilty to find out afterwards.

My picture frame saga continued yesterday when I managed to find some corner brackets to hold the back in – only to find when I’d finished that the screws had come through to the front of the frame and slightly split the wood – husband said we’ll Dremel them off – you’ll never see them! I wait to see how that ends when we get the chance to do it!

I hope Soop pops by this morning with an update and that all those feeling unwell, having appointments and other tribulations have a better day.

I can only add my support and encouragement in your making the big decision Annsixty. Of course it can't have been done without great heartache. That will surely ease once you have some relief from the endless nursing and caring and worrying duties you are enduring. You need time to recover from that. I am just so glad that you have accepted what seemed inevitable to us, your GN friends.

I am full of admiration for your fortitude and clear sightedness Ann - better days are ahead for you both.

Morning everyone, thank you for yet more welcomes.
Overthehill, what a difficult situation for you. You say your daughter is strong and confident normally, so I think that will stand her in good stead for what is happening, even though she doesn’t feel that way now. If your granddaughter was upset and her father and his partner were cross with her, to be honest that sounds like bullying to me. And though you don’t say DG’s age, remember if her father pushes this, the courts are obliged to seek out the child’s opinion on where she lives and who she lives with, and it sounds very much like she wants to stay with her mum.

Overthehills.......feeling your pain and am sending some consolation .........life can be such a B......

Short of time today dear kitchen friends so a big warm Hello to you all,especially this morning`s visitors already making an early visit............hope your day goes well.

Am 1000% behind your almost decision Ann and I am Soooooooo relieved actually,please just let it all roll nicely,and let there be better times for you both up ahead.......I have sent you a little letter.

Bye for now.

I'm so sorry to hear your daughter's experience overthehills, sending a hug and a hope for a positive outcome.

annsixty I know it must have been a struggle but I think you’ve come to the right decision for both you and your husband. I hope things get a little easier.
Overthehills many years ago my daughter was in a similar position to yours. It took some time but she did get stronger and she told me about a year ago that she caught a glimpse of him and was actually able to hold her head up and look him in the eye with a sense confidence and not be afraid but with a look of “I’m so much better off without YOU” so hold on tight it may be a bumpy ride but it will resolve. You will get lots of support if things get difficult or upsetting here. My DiL has been told she can cut down the dreaded steroids albeit very slowly. I’m off to have lunch with her and her family later. Enjoy your day if you can, if not stay in the kitchen, someone will be here shortly for tea and cosy chat.

Ann I echo what others have said. You are amazing.
overthehills what a terrible situation. Sending for you and your family.

Dear Ann you will receive nothing but support from your friends in the kitchen. Although I am relatively new here I know that your life has been such a struggle. Your family is behind you and the SW sounds sensible. A friend of mine put off and put off the decision to consider full time care and now she has had a breakdown herself. I honestly think you can look forward to happier times with DH if you are not his full time carer.
I posted a few days ago that things were looking up for my DD. The lull before another storm. Her ex is on the war path again threatening to get “full custody” of DGD because the reason she doesn’t want to go his hour for the agreed access is because she is being “mentally abused” by DD. The reason she didn’t want to go was because, when she was upset and wanted Mummy, ex and partner were “cross and shouted” at her. There have been lots of unkind comments made by ex and partner, this is only the latest. We now wait with trepidation to see what transpires - DD was bullied and manipulated all her married life and told me yesterday (before this blew up) that she would live in fear of him till her dying day. She is so strong and confident and capable in all other areas of her life and it breaks my heart to see her and DGD in the state they were in yesterday evening. Thankyou all for listening to this long post and to all of you going through hard times of whatever sort I send love and best wishes.
Sorry - welcome Maddy, I nearly forgot.

Just to add my feeling of relief to Maw's, ann. You have done your very best by your dh and it is time for you to take care of yourself.

Welcome Maddy.

Back later - Thursdays are silly currently in the Lester household. But, we have a roofman coming so it can't all be bad!! That means no rain till next year now!

My goodness, what a lot of lovely welcomes, thank you everyone.
Annsixty, I know from this and other threads what a difficult time you’ve been having, and I agree with the others, I think you’ve made the right decision. It must have been a hard thing to decide, but I think it’s the best decision for you and your DH.
You were very kind to me on a different thread Ann when I spoke of my trouble, which goes on as these things do, but I appreciate that.
For all of you on this lovely thread, sleep well.

Ann I completely agree with what everyone has said.

MawB, that`s EXACTLY how it was! I didn`t have to shuffle along to my seat though, because everyone very kindly moved up 2, so that we had the 2 end seats, they`d seen my struggle descending the near vertical stairs!

It is right for your DH too Annsixty don’t forget tgat. Never ever believe you have only done this for yourself.

I can only thank you all for your understanding and great kindness.
It is a huge decision to make after 60 years but I know it is right for me at least. I must give myself some life back.
Thank you all.

Callgirl I remember Paw and I were given tickets for “Jerusalem” with Mark Rylance some years ago. They were a gift and incredibly hard to get.
Sadly also in the gods!
Paw eventually made it up the stairs painfully slowly, but like you we then had to go down more steep stairs which gave him such an attack of vertigo he could only do it with his back to the wall. Then we had to shuffle along our row and he had to turn away from the stage and towards the other people as you could see this sheer drop. Can you imagine it?
I can’t tell you how many people he inadvertently groped! ???

Is it impertinent of me to admit that I have breathed a sigh of relief at your brave decision which has been a nightmare one for you. I said once before that I felt there was a danger of your remaining love for your DH being driven out by sheer exhaustion, resentment and by the sad fact that he is no longer the man you married.
You have cleared the first hurdle now for the logistics and I hope your family can back you in the next stages.
Huge decision, but the right one

Understanding and support from here as well Ann. Good luck and bless you x

It is the right and only decision ann I'm glad your family are supporting you.

I’m sure few of us can really appreciate what a maelstrom of emotions you must have gone through to bring you to this place Ann; we know it is not a decision you have taken in any way lightly, and we do understand. God bless you.

There will be no one here who isn’t supportive ann, I’m delighted your family understand. Sleep well, sounds like a decision made.

I don’t know how you have coped so long. What a sensible idea to have your DH in Care where he should be looked after well, which gives you an opportunity of some time to devote to yourself and enjoy the rest of you life. So pleased you have the backing of your family.

Just to say I have 75% decided that full time residential care is the way to go.
I have had a long talk with D and GD and they are totally behind me.
It is a tough call and I have afew days before the SW calls but I cannot carry on at my age.
I need to live a little before I pop my clogs and that is not happening.
When I heard myself saying things like " I was up with him twice in the night" and " he slept through till 7 " and " I had to change him twice today" I realised I had gone back 50 years.
I can and don't want to do it anymore. I have very little time left and I should be able to enjoy it.
I hope you can all understand.

Sorry you’re still so uncomfortable callgirl, look after yourself.

Evening one and all,
Love the photos of Sandringham and GreyD`s estate, the crab apples remind me of when we rented a house many moons ago at Freshwater Bay, IOW, and there were crab apple trees in the garden. Eldest son gave himself a terrible belly ache eating them, but still went back for further helpings the next day! And blimey, it`s a long time since I heard the upper circle referred to as "the gods"!
Soop I hope all went well in Oban, and that you got your fish and chips, although I don`t remember seeing any when we were in Kilmartin, lovely village, hope you weren`t tempted to linger for too long.
Ann, so sorry things aren`t yet sorted, but the new SW sounds more sympathetic and sensible.
Nearly forgot, Welcome Maddy!!
And best wishes to all poorly people, also those with poorly family
My legs, feet and back still haven`t recovered from my climb on Saturday, having trouble getting about, so cancelled my hair appointment for this afternoon, re-scheduled for the 31st.