How do you change a man’s behaviour (light hearted- I think??)

So I go away for a while and I come back to a derailed thread. Domestic abuse, Trump???? How did that happen?
I meant it to be a light-hearted thread where similarly affected women could have a moan and get it off their collective chests. Being with a partner for any length of time is bound to throw up some issues. No two people can share the same view on everything, from hoovering the living room to stacking the dishwasher.
OH and I get along mostly, and I would not consider myself abused in any shape or form. In this thread I’m talking about differences over a bit of dusting here, or tidying there, or leaving his dirty socks on the bedroom floor. Not verbal or physical abuse. But sometimes, just sometimes, he does something, or more often doesn’t do something that really irritates. I am sure I cause the same reaction in him. It may be not taking out the recycling or forgetting to bring the washing in.
And really, does anyone really think I’d take a carving knife to him. Really?? Could I plead not guilty due to provocation by leaving a coaster at the wrong angle!

My husband does help around the house...but he doesn’t like dealing with family issues. I’ve dealt with his aged parents problems, as well as our kids as they grew up. He tends to put his head in the sand...and it drives me ?

Oh, and this comic about “You should have asked” is a great favourite:

english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

I don’t know if you’ve all seen this already, but I see this passed around a lot and it’s a very thoughtful piece from an ex husband’s perspective.

mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

There are some men who will use the quality of housework as an excuse to abuse their partners & I have no doubt some GNs will have been subjected to this and we would be appalled to hear it.
However this particular thread, right from the OP, indicated it was a lighthearted " get it off your chest " type of post about partners' annoying habits.
DA & traficking is not ever a lighthearted matter and I am sure nobody here was implying that.

Were I to just say FFS would that do?

Not hoovering is not even grounds for divorce let alone constituting “ domestic abuse”
I think AmMaz needs to look at the true and very ugly aspects of true domestic abuse ( and grow up a bit)

What on earth?!

MawBroon, work it out yourself, if you can.

Hilly60, you said 'well done' of MawBroon's response to me, adding 'I think we have an interloper'.
Dictionary definition of interloper: a person who becomes involved in a place or situation where they are not wanted or are considered not to belong.
So......only opinions you and Maw agree with are welcome and 'belong' on GN? Is that official GN policy? Or you've simply appointed yourself as GN opinion police chief? Who the heck are you to brand me or any other poster an 'interloper'?

"Most of you gals" It's a long time since I've been a "gal" . Thought this was a light hearted thread, I think most women choose their battles although we like a moan from time to time. I wonder what our husbands views would be ?

How on Earth do you make the jump from “Not helping with the hoovering” to “slave trafficking “ ?

Get over yourself and do not cheapen the effects of true domestic abuse by linking it to a light hearted moan about the nature of some men.

?????

I’d revisit the carving knife plan

MawBroon, its domestic abuse. And I do believe you're now making light of it. Bet you get out of your tree about women being slave trafficked too.

All I can say is don’t sweat the small stuff. DH used to be quite good about sharing the chores when the children were growing up but now they’ve gone and we’re 5 years into early onset Alzheimer’s. He can no longer sequence tasks so he might empty the kitchen bin but it won’t end up in the right dustbin. Dirty clothes go back in his drawers (I retrieve them and put them in the washing) Taps get left on (we had a mini flood in the kitchen yesterday as I went out for 45 mins,) The only day if the week he is sure of is Saturdays when he goes to the pub and I have a few hours to myself, he has a tracker phone in case he gets lost on the 5 minute walk home. I do all of the cooking, stacking the dishwasher, unstacking the dishwasher, washing, ironing (minimum), diy, gardening etc just not to a very high standard, the kitchen is clean but the dusting doesn’t get done very often. He is gradually filling our tiny house with the contents of the local second hand record shop not to mention the charity shop DVDs and CDs and recently books too. Thought about employing a cleaner but couldn’t cope with the amount of tidying I would have to do every time they came, I just blitz the place every so often when I can’t stand it any longer, thank goodness it is a tiny house, I’m exhausted as it is - oh and I still work part time as no pension for another 5 years, I would just really like a holiday but haven’t had one of those for 6 years but you just grit your teeth and carry on and you know there is always someone worse off than yourself - gin takes the edge off it I find

pauline42 very sensible. Impressed you only need her fortnightly though as we have our lady on a weekly basis, plus occasional extra hours. We must be muckier than you two!

My retirement years are far too prec ious to waste on housework - and my husband doesn’t want to take over the responsibilities. So we have a lady who comes in and cleans our home from top to bottom every other Monday - so problem solved! And the cost comes out of “our” joint house account that is funded through our combined pensions. Maybe this means not going on expensive holidays as often as other couples do, but it’s far far better than having this chore hanging over our heads or arguing about who should be doing it us week in and week out!

Well said MawBroon, I think we have an interloper.

Yes you are right Thuberon I was shocked when I heard Woman's Hour the other day regarding Alexa. One family said they had 9 Alexa's in their house! They said it helped with things like spelling a word. Stopped them having to think more like. What would happen if the voice was changed to a male one? It reminds me of when the Italians first had sat nav but wouldn't follow instructions because it was in a female voice so it was changed. Bet they didn't swear at 'him'.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Ah ha So that's the point of teabags LOL

The thing is OP that you can never really change anyone. He has to realise that his behaviour is a problem and want to change to please you or he's being useless on purpose in the hope that you don't ask him to do anything.
Perhaps when you do these jobs properly after his mess ups you clatter about with much venom, making as much noise as possible - or throw old tea bags at him!

Just listened to a piece on Woman's Hour about how Alexa is generally treated (spoken to) in the home. And at the very end, when there was no time left for discussion, it was pointed out that Alexa is another servile female presence in the home often subject to abuse (demanded of, sworn at etc) with never any come back! Interesting!

Well really AmMaz
Most of you gals who are knowingly and in many cases willingly (at least resignedly) being taken advantage of - abused - over decades to the point you are worn down and worn out
Come off it, stop exaggerating, learn to take some things with a pinch of salt, stop over-reacting.
Nobody here is talking about domestic abuse!

Poor Trump why would we pour scorn on such a sweetie? Bet he makes the bed he lies in!

For what it's worth, here's my thought:
Most of you gals who are knowingly and in many cases willingly (at least resignedly) being taken advantage of - abused - over decades to the point you are worn down and worn out, are the very same women who climb out of your collective tree to decry and heap scorn on Trump and anybody who would vote for him, due to his misogynistic attitude to women. Doh.

Yeah MamaCaz you just don't know till it's too late. My DH cooked me a lovely meal when we were first courting, presented it beautifully and wouldn't even let me help with the washing up after. Wow I thought, a man who can cook, he's a keeper. Well I kept him for nearly 30 years before I found out that my lovely Sister in Law had been the one who had cooked the meal from scratch and had even done the washing up the next day because he hadn't!!! DH thought it was hilarious when my SiL told me the truth and couldn't understand why I was fuming.